The Trials and Tribulations of Yorkshire Pudding

Follow Me To My New Home At BETFAIR!!

2008-03-19T20:00:00.003Z

I have been given a great opportunity to blog over at Betfair, see someone likes my rants!

Please do me a huge favour and update any links you might have for me to "Pud's Poker Progress" and once I have gotten to grips with the new software I will link back to you no problem.

The link again is http://betting.betfair.com/poker/puds-poker-progress/

I appreciate you doing this, it means a lot to me and I want to make a success of it so please help keep my traffic figures up!

Much love,

Pud

Lost My Bloggerment Cherry!

2007-11-29T11:56:00.000Z

I finally played in my first Brit Bloggerment on Sunday as I no longer have to work Sunday's since jacking in my bar job and moving out from the pub and I managed to finish 3rd from 22 entrants for a $22.00 return on my $5.50. Not a bad start eh? 100% ITM and 300% ROI. I almost didn't play because I couldn't register for the fucking thing! No matter if I typed in capitals or lower case it wouldn't accept the password, then all of a sudden it decided to accept it and I was in my first Bloggerment.

With 22 entrants we were short handed from the off and I found myself sandwiched between Cell 1919 and Al Eleven. I've played a couple of times with Cell and I read his blog regularly so I knew what to expect but I've never seen Al Eleven play although I had been told he can be pretty loose and aggressive. Anyway, things didn't get off to the greatest of starts and I soon found myself hovering around the 1100 chips mark when I changed gears, hit a couple of hands and was suddenly back up to around 2k and a little more comfortable. I managed to lay down 2 pair on a highly coordinated board against an unknown and a ran an awful bluff against Hammerheid which looking back at it he should have called but I got away with it. I came to the money bubble as the short stack, I was joined there by Cogsgoigne, Poker 4 Ever and Katitude and Katitude was sitting out making it a strange bubble. I ran a couple of moves based on the fact that I was the short stack with the reasoning why would I make a play without a monster when I could fold to the money. I ended up busting in 3rd when my J9 hit on a flop of xJK and was up against Cog's pocket Cowboys and I was practically drawing dead. My tournament seems to have been remembered for the following two hands though. What do you think?

Poker Stars, $5 + $0.50 NL Hold'em Tournament, 50/100 Blinds, 7 Players
LeggoPoker.com - Hand History Converter

UTG+1: 2,160
MP: 2,350
CO: 1,895
BTN: 2,745
SB: 1,205
Hero (BB): 2,730
UTG: 1,385

Pre-Flop: (150) Q 9 dealt to Hero (BB)

4 folds, BTN raises to 400, SB folds, Hero raises to 1,300, BTN raises to 2,745 and is All-In, Hero calls 1,430 and is All-In

Flop: (5,510) T 4 Q (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

Turn: (5,510) 3 (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

River: (5,510) 2 (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

Results: 5,510 Pot

BTN showed J A (high card Ace) and LOST (-2,730 NET)

Hero showed Q 9 (a pair of Queens) and WON 5,510 (+2,780 NET)

The second hand was posted on Cell 1919's blog as it knocked him out and pissed him off slightly! 4 handed, ATo is a monster to me so I raise it up. I'd been pretty active and wasn't surprised to see Cell push. Cell is pretty tight but getting 1.9/1 odds I have to call here with AT and hope for a hand like 77-99. Instead I was up against JJ and sucked out in the worst possible way with a runner-runner wheel! I think it was the way he busted at the final table bubble that made him pissed off not my actual call. I would call here with almost any holdings as I'd still have an M of 14 if I lost out.

Poker Stars, $5 + $0.50 NL Hold'em Tournament, 75/150 Blinds, 4 Players
LeggoPoker.com - Hand History Converter

SB: 5,260
BB: 3,545
Hero (UTG): 4,455
BTN: 1,210

Pre-Flop: (225) T A dealt to Hero (UTG)

Hero raises to 450, BTN raises to 1,210 and is All-In, 2 folds, Hero calls 760

Flop: (2,645) 5 Q 4 (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

Turn: (2,645) 2 (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

River: (2,645) 3 (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

Results: 2,645 Pot

Hero showed T A (a straight, Ace to Five) and WON 2,645 (+1,435 NET)

BTN showed J J (a pair of Jacks) and LOST (-1,210 NET)

To say it was my first MTT for over a month that had decent opposition in it I don't think I did too badly to be honest. There were a couple of times where I rode my luck and looking through the HH I made a couple of silly moves but hey ho we live and learn. Not sure if I'll be playing in the next one because I've withdrawn my roll and stuck it on Betfair for some silly reason!

Thanks for reading and good luck at the tables!

Making Plans For 2008

2007-11-28T16:15:00.000Z

Readers of my blog will recognise the fact that I make up stupid challenges, stick with them for a few weeks and then ditch them like a hot potato. There are a couple of reasons for this, first one is up until now I've been a bit of a mental mess and if I'm honest it took me all my focus and attention to get up and ready for work on a morning. Second one was the fact I lived in a pub so drank an awful lot, ate at the wrong times and was pretty unhealthy. I also ended up covering the bar a few times so couldn't try my arm at MTT's properly because of the time factor. Lastly, I started trying to run before I could walk by playing up to 10 tables of SnG's and 6 tables of cash when if I am honest with myself I hadn't even really mastered a single table.

Things have changed now. I am, for the whole, mentally sound. I've got a new flat, with a great new woman and things are going brilliant and that was 90% of my worries and mental anguish. I'm kind of back on track at work and even though it's not great or what I want to do for the rest of my life my job is pretty secure and back in my hands. Although I'm no fitness freak, eating healthier, at proper times and having plenty of sexytime have helped me shed over half a stone and my sleeping is, when not broken by a screaming baby, back to normal and a solid 6 hours a night and I feel on top of the world. Money is still tighter than a virgin's fanny but Mrs P is awesome and is helping out on that front too. The foundations seem in place for a long term challenge, the only problem I can see is the timing of things.

I'm pretty obsessive about a few things and one of them is starting points of anything. I couldn't, even if I tried, start a challenge or project of any sort on say the 9th of the month, it'd have to be the first of the month or it would niggle me to death which is why now is a bad time to start anything new because in 30 odd days we are at the start of a brand new year, The Year Of The Pudding! Now I'm not a great player, nor do I pretend to be, but I am know 100% that I am better than a lot of the donkeys playing at my stakes. I am a student of the game, I buy and read books and forums, discuss hands and situations and try to understand more advanced concepts and plays I see and read about. Half the retards at the micro's don't even know the odds of drawing to a gutshot, never mind reverse implied odds and the like. It's time to exploit these fish!

One problem I've had is focussing on a particular discipline and sticking with it. I started off two years ago with fixed limit hold'em cash, moved to no limit hold'em cash, and within the last 6-9 months I've played SnG's, NLHE cash, FLHE cash, PLO, 7 card stud, and MTT's and never once have I devoted enough time to log a good sample size to see how I cope with them. Also, during playing these games I've always played 4-6 tables and relied on PokerTracker stats displayed by PAHUD software so I'm never gathering reads or making proper notes, just assuming that because a player with stats of 20/7/1 has opened with a raise from MP2 and bet a scare card on the river it means result X and I don't want to be that player, especially as I want to play a lot more live poker in the coming year. I want to become a better overall player, not just one that makes money, if that makes sense.

So, on Tuesday 1st January, 2008 I will start a year long challenge that will take me 366 days to complete and even if I don't make my monetary goal I'll be delighted if I can achieve the others, even though you may think they are small and silly!

Follow correct bankroll management at all times (details to follow)

Play a solitary table until I feel I am reading the players properly and accurately

Only add an extra table when comfortable, not just to log more hands per hour

Do not educate the fish

Only play when I want to not just because I can

Use table selection correctly

Discuss at least two hands per session on forums

Dedicate a minimum of an hour a week analysing any data collected

Play live at least 12 times during 2008, including one festival

Make at least $15,000 clear profit!

Now they seem pretty straightforward goals in terms of someone who has played for a couple of years now but I'm going to go back to relative basics so that I can emerge from the otherside a much better player. Now I've still not decided on which discipline I'll be playing initially because I need to factor in a few things like my starting bankroll and time I can dedicate to playing. Before I could, within reason, play when I wanted despite having to help in the pub but now I have Mrs P to think about and although she's not bothered about me playing it's hardly fair me caning the tables for hours on end, night after night plus I don't want to play every day anyway as I lose focus and play like a shit head. Bankroll permitting I'll probably start by playing cash for a couple of months until I have the bankroll to be fully bankrolled for some half decent MTT's because I have never given MTT's a real chance and I'd like to play a couple of hundred of them and see how I fair. Oh and for earning $15k next year through poker, if I can do it I will spunk in my pants! It was just a number plucked out of my head by the way! Profit type goals are likely to change but the first 8 goals / projects are set in stone. The rest of this month and all of December will be used to play whatever I like and hopefully turn a small profit ready for January.

I'm also starting a brand new blog for the new year too which is being hosted by UK Poker Scene who have recently joined us over at Raise The River so it'll be a totally fresh start for me and hopefully a successful one! I'll sort you out with the address etc once I have it up and running properly.

As always, thanks for reading and good luck at the tables.

Conning Bastard Service Stations!

2007-11-27T16:35:00.000Z

Well I now have a set of wheels for three months as my former landlord is currently flying towards Calgary, Canada, until Valentine's Day 2008. We finally set off about half ten or eleven after we'd sorted out the car seat for Step Pud, stuck some massively overpriced fuel (99.9p a litre) in the motor and gathered some goodies for the trip to Sutton, London. Having never been to our nation's capital I was quite looking forward to it but not to the 10 hour round trip with a 1 year old baby stuck in a car!

Nothing of note happened on the way there, I ate my Cajan Chicken Wrap, Prawn Cocktail crisps and beef jerky and flicked through the Daily Star. I swear that paper is awful. If you wiped your arse on it more shit would come off the paper! I only bought it because there were no Sun's (still a shit rag) left and there is a poker section in the Star. I think we were all bored to tears and Mrs P kept nipping my and kicking the back of my chair to keep me on my toes and we soon stopped for a break and to change Step Pud's arse at the Watford Gap Services. The Landlord bought all three of us a coffee and it cost the poor cunt £9.30! To be fair the coffees came in buckets and were quite nice but fuck me £3.10 for a coffee. It wasn't a complete disaster though as I put a pound in some toy machine and out popped a fart bomb which I had to promise not to let off in the car / services / anywhere near Mrs P or the Landlord!

We eventually arrived at the Landlord's mate's flat, unloaded the car, had a brew and set back off around half six. Traffic was a fucking nightmare to say the least and it didn't help it was pitch black, in a huge city I didn't know, raining and rush hour! Somehow we survived, stuck some more petrol in the car, bought fags and hit the M25. When we finally arrived at Silverstone services I was starved so we decided to stop for a rest and food. After the customary pisses and baby arse change we went to Burger King for some fuel. I got an Angus pepper Special and the robbing bastards charged me £6.20 for the meal. Fuck me! I almost said I only asked for one! Mr's P's came to over £5 too, no wonder there's a Ladbrokes there too, it'll be so you can try to win on the nags to offset your food costs. How can the robbing cunts charge that? After my shock we hit the road again and despite Step Pud screaming for about 45 miles we made it home in one piece around half ten. Oh, we did stop at Asda for beers too cos I was mentally fucked from the driving, it took a lot out of me sat at 85mph for all that time in the dark and rain when I've not driven further than 15 miles for about a year!

We managed to get Step Pud off to sleep and we relaxed with a beer or two watching shite on the box for a small while before Mrs P said she was hitting the hay. The thought of her in skimpy shorts and bare titties overpowered Tom Cruise in Born On The 4th July so I joined her! Anyway, some travelling tension was lost and I got out of bed for something and saw Step Pud stand up in his cot so I ran into the bathroom and shut the door. Mrs P came out and asked what I was doing so I told her Step Pud was awake so she quickly turned out the lights and we stood in silence. Silence until I let out a big fart which set me and Mrs P off laughing and mid chuckle another came out which woke up Step Pud and made him cry. Twenty six and finding farts funny, I need to sort myself out! When I managed to get him back off to sleep I was busting for a piss but daren't walk past the cot in case I woke him up again so I made an executive decision to piss in an empty wine bottle! LMAO!

I also played in the Bloggerment for the first time on Saturday and managed to cash in 3rd but I'll be doing a report on that game later because I got stick from some of my hands, as usual, and was going to explain my actions on a few plays!

Cliff notes - Went to London, Got bummed at Burger King, Drove home, had beer and sexy time, woke baby up with a fart pissed in a bottle, played Bloggerment for 1st time and cashed.

Thanks for reading and good luck at the tables!

Frustrating Start To The Campaign

2007-11-24T14:48:00.000Z

I manged to play a whopping 5 SnG's last night,cashing in two, bubbling two and donking out of one in 6th place to record a loss of $1.50. The play in these is so horrific I think I'm going to play no less than 8 games at once and just play ABC poker and a few plays based on Poker Tracker stats and not even try to play the player as they are retarded!

I started off playing pretty poorly on 4 tables after my month off and made a couple of weak bluffs that even David Blunkett would have seen but I soon settled down and got to work. I quite liked this play with T8s where I just knew the fish was chasing a flush, pure aggression rules the day!

Am I thinking wrong or was villain's preflop call horrific in this hand which I bubbled? How the fuck can he flat call a raise and reraise with JT? Oh it was suited! My first attempt at a chat ban followed the hand but I didn't succeed! My luck against JT continued in another game where the fucking hand cracked my KK, then this wanker calls on the bubble with QJo? His comments of "haha bye" were met with me ranting but still no ban despite calling him a Norweigan cunt. Never mind.

I did manage a 3rd and 2nd but I should have won the game where I came 2nd because the fish was so bad but it was midnight, I was knackered, had Mrs P asleep with her head on my lap and I ended up pushing with rags, he called with better rags which held. If I'd have won that I'd have been in profit for the night but whatever. Planning to hit 10-12 SnG's tonight whilst Mrs P watches X Factor of all things so hopefully the wheels of profit will begin to turn once more. If I can make more than $10 profit by tomorrow I'll play the Bloggerment for the first time which should be fun!

Thanks for reading and good luck at the bubble!

Connected.....In A Fashion

2007-11-23T14:17:00.000Z

Well the Pudding household is back online, well sort of. My "livebox" router / modem came yesterday from the goons at Orange and I started to set it up right away. My old Belkin router was a right pain in the arse to setup but this seemed nice and simple, plug in a few wires, run a CD and hey presto you're ready to go, in theory at least. Power on, check. Cables attached correctly, check. Installation CD instructions followed to the letter, check. Internet active. Go fuck yourself you piece of shit! I can connect with the ethernet cable but not via my Belkin wireless card. I've turned off security etc and nothing. Any ideas readers because playing with a wired connection seems pointless with a laptop especially when there is an 11 month rug-rat with a liking for cables and wires, shuffling around the place!

Another gripe I have is they said it would be an 8MB connection but it seems closer to 3MB at the moment but they did warn me it could fluctuate massively for around 2 weeks whilst my connection settled down. I think the guy from customer services in Calcutta was taking the piss to be honest! I've been searching the net today and hopefully will sort things out by the time I hit the hay later tonight. I didn't start playing last night mainly because I didn't have my roll on one site and also because I couldn't be arsed although I did fire up 10 tables to see if the connection could handle it and all seemed ok. I might try for a set of 4-6 tonight but I have Pud Jr staying over and he likes to hog it for Cbeebies and Mrs P has a slight addiction to MySpace too so I might not get to even log on at all, guess we'll see.

Not much planned for the weekend due to only having something like £2.53 until Monday although I should get £80 tomorrow from selling my cooker to a woman from accounts. I finally managed to sort a van out and Mrs P has offered to help move it so all should be ok. Think Mrs P and I might end up going for a few jars tomorrow night when Pudding Jr has gone home and get a chinky for tea or something because we've basically been stuck in the house since the move and it can get you down sometimes and I think she needs to let her hair down a little with all the grief she's been getting from the situation we've found ourselves in! At least we've no Step Pud until at least Sunday night so we can have a sleep in on Sunday which is great, especially as I don't have to go to work behind the bar anymore!

Fingers crossed I get off to a good start and hopefully get chat banned over the weekend!

Site Decided And Mini Challenge!

2007-11-22T13:08:00.000Z

I've decided to ply my trade on PokerStars, at least until the New Year when I will be setting myself some longer term plans to make some decent cash. My reasoning for this is how quickly the games fill up on Stars, how great they are for multitabling on a shitty laptop screen, I have some sort of bonus (I think) pending and the fact most of my RTR buddies mainly play there.

With my roll being a paltry $50 I have decided to spice things up a little and set myself a challenge to keep things interesting and stop me going totally crazy whilst I grind out the $1.20 SnG's on Joker*/River*/Rigged*Stars (*delete as applicable). I have made a post here on Raise The River just for the sake of it. For you lazy bastards who can't be bothered clicking the link here is my mini challenge that must be completed before 0000 on 25th December 2007.

Play 300 $1.20 SnG's

Make at least $100 profit from said SnG's (approx 30% ROI)

Get chat banned from PokerStars support

Send humerous email to PokerStars support re: Chat Ban

Play in at least one Bloggerment

Abuse BurnleyMik everytime I bump into him at the tables. If chat banned relay my abuse through someone else via MSN

Win the remaining place in the DTD Wild Card tournament

Teach Kenn how to flat call

Now abusing Mik should be easy as it is my standard procedure when I log onto Stars so I can tick that one off my list right away. Playing in the bloggerment should be easy too but now I don't work Sunday's I'd like to spend some time with Mrs P so may need clearance to play! I might not be able to play the Wild Card tournament on DTD so this may have to be scrubbed off and teaching Kenn to flat call when he's probably removed that button from his screen is almost impossible but I can but try.

Being able to play 300 SnG's in 30/32 days and still maintain a 30% ROI is going to be difficult but it should be doable if I don't drink or go on Pudding Tilt. The play is horrific but that's what we want long term and although 300 games isn't a massive amount it should be enough to get on the good side of variance, fingers crossed. I won't be and can't play everyday so I'm going to have to really grind when I get the oppurtunity.

Finally, the chat ban. I've seen loads of people banned for calling someone a fish or typing in the card they want to see over and over again which is stupid. I've called people wankers, cunts, twats, bastards, wished AIDS on them, told them I hoped their tampon turned into a hedgehog and even said Lee Jones sucks cock and I've not come close to a warning. Maybe my chat account is rigged. This is the hardest part of the challenge because I need someone to report me and the fuckers won't. To make it fair I won't just sit there typing "I hate Jews" in Mel Gibson stylee I have to get banned for berating a fish!

Should be fun!

Ol' Blue Eyes Is Back!

2007-11-22T11:34:00.000Z

Like a phoenix from the flames and bloke's cock first thing in the morning, Pud rises again! I've just received an email telling me that my phone line is now ready for 8MB broadband internet all I have to do is connect my "Livebox" and away I go. Small problem though Orange you cunts, I do not have my "Livebox" yet! I came home yesterday to a card through the letterbox saying they'd been but the parcel needs a signature so they'll try to deliver again today, hopefully Mrs P will be in to sign for it so I can get playing again, especially as she's off out Saturday night as it'll give me something to do!

I'm surprisingly awake today despite being woke up by step Pud a couple of times last night. First time was 0055 when it felt closer to 0600 and we stuck him in bed with us so he'd stay asleep. The previous night Mrs P hardly slept and it didn't help that step Pud kicked her and wriggled like a worm next to her keeping her awake so me being the nice guy I am, and also used to Pud Jr kicking ten lumps out of me when he sleeps over, I offered to be a barrier between them! When I woke up, late, this morning, Step Pud was in the middle of us and I wasn't sure how it happened so I text Mrs P. Apparently in the middle of the night he climbed over me and over my head and got close to his mum. By all accounts I told him to fuck off, which I don't remember, but I feel bad for telling an 11 month old to fuck off but I suppose he was sat on my head!

As I said earlier Mrs P is off out on Saturday night with a couple of mates and despite it being the first night I've not worked on a Saturday, so I'll be on my own, I'm not bothered. I'm going to get myself 4 cans, a nice piece of steak and hopefully play some poker until she comes home pissed up! She really needs a break and a good night out because all the recent goings on have taken their toll for obvious reasons. One by product of the stress is she keeps doing silly things which have included putting on two pairs of pants, looking for her phone when it was ringing in her hand, washing herself in shampoo then conditioner instead of shower gel and looking for her slippers when they were already on her feet! It's actually quite funny and she'll kill me for putting it on here but hey ho! A night out with the girls should do her well and then I can be really sympathetic on Sunday morning when she's rough as a badger's arse! I've no step Pud until Sunday night, possibly Monday as he's going to his dad's tonight and then his grandma's and back to his dad's which will give us both, especially Mrs P, some much needed unbroken sleep!

Nothing much else going on really if I'm honest. We've Pud Jr staying over Friday night but he's well behaved and never a problem, I've to deliver a cooker to Leeds on Saturday morning, show my sympathetic side to a hungover Mrs P on Sunday and then possibly drive to London and then Burnley on Monday. Hopefully somewhere in between that I'll be able to fit in some poker and start earning some cash again. On which note, would anyone be able to do a transfer of either $30 on Stars for Full Tilt or $20 on Full Tilt for Stars as I can't deposit and have my roll, for want of a better word, spread across the two!

As always, thanks for reading and good luck at the tables!

*****EDIT*****

Mrs P text to say she's signed for my "Livebox" so I could be back online tonight. Also, the bottom of our fridge is full of wine. Unfortunately it's not still in the bottle!

This Is Going To Be A Real Grind!

2007-11-20T12:51:00.000Z

After much thought and deliberation I have decided that I am going to, initially, leave the cash games alone and instead try to master SnG's on Full Tilt. The main reasons for this are the constraints of my current bankroll and the playing time and conditions. My entire bankroll is going to be almost exactly $50 which would mean I would have to short stack NL2 on Stars and that would drive me insane in less than 25 minutes. Also, by the time I get home, eat, shower and we get Step Pud settled it's at least 2100, sometimes later, and it's hardly fair to expect Mrs P to sit there whilst I hit the tables, plus I'd never get to talk properly to her or anything as I'd have to concentrate on 6-8 cash tables whereas with SnG I can play 8-12 easily with little in the way of concentration.

My $50 roll means that I am going to be stuck playing the $1.25 Turbo's on Full Tilt with only 40 buy ins which isn't ideal but it is manageable. I should be able to hit an ROI of around 25% at these stakes even if I 8-10 table which would mean a profit of $0.31 per game which would mean I would be rolled for the $2.25's with 50 buy-ins within about 200 games. From there I plan to grind the $2.25 games until I am rolled for 65 buy-ins for the $6.50 games which will mean I need $310 profit which I estimate will take me around 700 games at a 20% ROI. So in short I plan to be fully rolled for the $6.50's by Christmas. I'll also be earning the paltry sum of $0.06 per game from rakeback, maybe $0.07 if they round up as the figure is $0.0675 per game which will mean I get around $60 in rakeback which will come in handy. So 900-1000 SnG's in 25 days is going to take some doing but playing continuously for a couple of hours with 10 tables this should be pretty easy if I don't go mad first!

Things on the home front are still going good and it feels as if we've lived together for ages and not just two weeks. I feel comfortable around Mrs P no matter what we're doing and Step Pud seems to have settled too and really likes me. Last night I was messing about with a Bob The Builder helmet with him, putting it on him and then on me and just been daft and he game me a cuddle and one of those baby kisses where they attempt to eat your whole head! Apart from being more mentally healthy I'm feeling in top shape despite suffering with the tail end of a cold. I'm hardly drinking anymore, eating healthier and at a proper time and I've lost half a stone since I moved in but that could also be because of the 4 miles of walking a day, mostly uphill and the amount of sexy time we're getting through, which may I add I seem to have mastered again and got pretty good once more if I say so myself! Week off this week though as Liverpool are playing at home if you know what I mean! LOL! Mrs P is going to see her ex this afternoon because he said he wants to talk and I hope it doesn't upset her too much because I know how she thinks and overthinks things and I remember when I split up from Pud Jr's mum we had a similar talk and it was mainly her crying at me and telling me she loved me still and shit like that. At least once this is out of the way he should know it's done and dusted and everyone can move on fully.

I no longer work at the pub which I have mixed feelings about. My last shift was Sunday and the new landlord and land lady don't want any staff at all so I have more free time which is good but I suppose I will miss some of the craic there because it was a laugh. The vast majority of the customers are twats but there are a few decent people there who have become friends and I'll certainly pop down now and again to see how they're getting on and of course sample some amber nectar too! I'll be seeing the landlord this coming Monday though as I am driving him down to Milton Keynes where he'll be staying with friends for a night before jetting off to Canada for three months leaving me in charge of his car which will be helpful. I think Mrs and Step Pud are coming along for the drive too so we'll have to do my ritual and stop a couple of times for the God awful toilets and massively overpriced KFC and Burger Kings! We've said we might stop off in Burnley on the way back too because Mrs P has friends there from way back when but we'll have to see what time we're at on the way back and how Step Pud is standing up to the travelling. Mik, I might even be able to say hi to you in your own town since you were too gay to come to the pub that time I was working in the pub and you were visiting Emm's olds or whatever!

That's about it for now boys and girls. Not much else to report on. I'm trying to keep my nose clean at work and so far so good but there is still that atmosphere and feeling that everything I do is being scrutinised and documented but I don't plan on being here for too much longer. I want to get Christmas and the New year out of the way before deciding anything and then I'm going to work something out because 2008 is going to be the year of the Pud! I have the chance of a totally fresh start because the constraints of my bankruptcy end, I have a new place, renewed health and a fantastic girl to build something with!

Oh and thanks to BurnleyMik who voted my "I've Been Tagged" post the blog post of the week on the Raise The River blog!

Thanks for reading and good luck at the tables!

Two Pairs Makes You Flush(ed)!

2007-11-16T11:49:00.000Z

Still no internet at home although I do now have a sofa so no more sitting on the floor on a night when I get back from working! I received a phone call from the pub landlord asking if I wanted a couple of Ikea sofas that would definitely fit in the flat so obviously I said yes. If you remember a while ago I said former Mrs P was seeing some bloke from the pub who I thought was a bit of a cock. We had words and threats etc but nothing came of it and we're ok with each other now. Well it turns out they were his mate's sofas and he delivered them for me for the price of a pint! Small world! They not the best in the world but they were free and much better than the floor! See Pudding always falls on his feet eventually!

Things with Mrs Pudding and step Pud are going brilliant still and I'm really happy at the minute. Combine having these two around with not hardly drinking, eating at a proper time and not having to be in the pub, my head is well and truly sorted and I'm back to my best. Mrs P and I just buzz off each other because we can be serious or act like twats and not feel stupid for it! Sometimes though women do prove to be a bit slack! The other night she was knackered, Step Pud had been a pain in the arse all day and had woken up during the night so she was sleepy. I told her we'd have an early one so went to get ready for bed. As we laid there I cuddled her and she started laughing but wouldn't tell me why but she found something funny. I finally got it out of here yesterday that because she was so tired and not with it she'd stuck on two pairs of pants instead of one and this tickled her. I'd have laughed my cock off though if she hadn't realised and had gone for a piss, pulling one down and pissing through the others like my mate's girlfriend did the other year! I've done something similar today though and gone to work with shorts on instead of undies because I was in a mini rush, maybe it's catching! I also ended up washing up with my jeans and pants around my ankles the other day but that's another story!

It's my last weekend of working behind the bar with my last shift being Sunday so I expect a few ciders to be sunk. Can't go silly though as I have to be up early for work on the Monday plus there's not just me to worry about in the flat, don't like being drunk around babies or small kids anyway and it's not exactly fair on Mrs P me rolling in stinking of booze and being a knob whilst she's been with baby plus with my lack of drinking lately I have 5 pints and feel pretty tipsy! In a way I'll miss it because it can be a laugh but I finally get my weekends back and some freedom again.

I have passed some of your blog addresses to a guy named Michael Needham who contacted me via the comments on my blog. He's a genuine guy with a business proposal for you as he's a director of Dial A Dealer who are going to be major players in Home and Corporate Poker Nights. He's also working on a great new idea that I know most of my regular readers and Raise The River members will find very useful and I'm sure he'll inform you of when he contacts you at some point over the next few days.

One last thing. Post-It's are marvellous! Just write a little message on one, or a smily face and leave it somewhere for your missus to find! Guaranteed smile from your better half! Yes I'm a sad old romantic sometimes!

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading!

I've Been Tagged!

2007-11-14T12:22:00.000Z

No boys and girls the law hasn't caught up with me and given me a curfew to save the innocent on the streets, more like a fellow blogger, Voice Of Joe,I requesting that I give you readers seven little facts about me and then I ask another blogger to do the same. I'm actually working on a 100 facts about Pudding post so this will kind of kick start me I guess!

1.) I suffered 3rd degree burns (total tissue devastation) to the left side of my body and my lower arms when I was three years old that required skin grafts and resulted in some pretty funky scars! In true Pudding style I didn't do this with a kettle or chip pan but with a batch of fucking home brew! My dad used to make it and whilst he was creating a batch and boiling it all up I was in the garden playing and was swinging the garden fork around when I nearly took the little girl from next door's, Mary-Jane (WTF?!) head off! My dad took it off me and locked it in the shed and in a tantrum I ran after him and ran straight into the "cauldron" of boiling hops and stuff. The rest is history!

2.) I've done more life shit in the past five years than most people do in a lifetime! Five years ago I was buying my own brand new house, owned two cars and a motorbike and had just returned from an all-inclusive 2 week holiday to Vilu Reef in the Maldives. I then became a dad to Pudding Jr, worked for two separate companies during mergers, was made redundant, passed my driving test, been involved in a car crash and a motorbike crash, I have moved house 7 times in 5 years, and was also declared bankrupt with £28k debts. Is there anything else left to do aged 26?

3.) Surprise surprise I love to entertain and be near to the centre of attention. It makes my day to make someone laugh, even if it is at me rather than with me and I'll often come out with a really crap, cringe-worthy joke just to get a reaction of someone who seems down. Despite all this I am actually pretty shy and I'm only a bit crazy within my circle of friends!

4.) I'm actually pretty intelligent and naturally academic which is why Cogsgoigne on Raise The River Christened me the Intelligent Mentalist! I left school with only my GCSE's but I did get 6A's, 2B's and 2C's for my lack of effort. I jacked in my A-levels in Biology, Chemistry and Maths after two terms mainly because I just couldn't be arsed, despite being told I would almost certainly achieve 3A's. My problem is I find things easy and therefore boring and I always need a challenge to keep me on my toes or I drift and get into trouble! Once I'm settled I'll be doing a degree from home because it's a waste not using my natural abilities. I wanted to do accountancy but I can't by law because of my bankruptcy!

5.) I remember the first time I shot my muck, aged about 11. The reason I remember it vividly is because I quite badly burned my finger! I used to mess around like lads do but whenever I got to the "tingling" feeling, vinegar strokes basically, I stopped. Well this time I decided I was going to carry on and see what happened! Off I went tugging away and eventually things happened and something came out of the end and I thought "Fuck me I've broken it!" Excited and worried I got out of bed to clean up but noticed something on my index finger which flicked off. It wasn't jizz but I had a veruca and had put that cream on which dries then you pick it off and it eventually kills the cunt. Well before my wank I must have been picking at it and taken off the applied lotion which had dried. When I flicked it, it stuck to the lightbulb on my lamp and started burning so I scraped it off with my finger, to which it stuck, causing a blister and excruciating pain. During my attempt to run to the bathroom, pants around my ankles, spunk on hand, melted mess on blistered finger I managed to fall on the landing and wipe the jizz on the carpet! Have you ever tried to get man fat off a carpet with toilet tissue? Not a great experience I can tell you!

6.) Former Mrs P and current Mrs Pudding both read my blog. I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing! On the subject of lady friends, with the exception of my first ever proper girlfriend I've never gone out with anyone older than me. I don't know why that is, it just seems to be the case. Current Mrs P is the biggest age gap yet as I'm in my prime at 26 and she's a baby-like 19! I'm more of a long term guy and the three serious relationships I had lasted 18 months, 4 years and nearly 3 years on and off. This one is the last one though I'm sure!

7.) I've broken my right, wanking, arm twice now and it's a bit weak. 1st time I was pissed up on Stella Hard Twat and saw a bloke about to hit a woman so ran over like a cock and shaped to twat him. He side stepped and punched me in the face ninja like and I fell like a sack of shit and landed awkwardly on my arm and broke it! Second time I was on my motorbike in the middle of summer and saw two skantly clad ladies at the side of the road. By the time I had stopped rubber-necking I was inches away from a Landrover Discovery's arse end and still doing 30mph. Needless to say I hit it full on!

Well that's me for now I guess. I'll have the t'internet at home on November 27th when I'll be hitting the tables again and will try post my 100 Pudding facts for you to gasp and chuckle at! Two people I would have tagged no longer have blogs so I tag Amatay, my favourite fish!

So Near But So Far!

2007-11-12T11:03:00.000Z

How different this post would have been if it hadn't have been for fate selecting a couple of different balls from the bastard lottery machine! I rarely do the lottery but I bought a ticket for Saturday and chose numbers based on Mrs P's and my birthdates, sad but whatever. Sunday morning I popped to the local shop for bread and sausages and asked for the lottery results and when I saw them I thought I was onto a winner and nearly shot my muck in my pants! The numbers were 5/11/13/18/25/35 and the bonus was 7. After checking my numbers against these I had 2 numbers, the bonus ball and 3 numbers that were 1 number out. Fuck you life variance for getting me excited! I really thought I had 5 and the bonus ball which would have been good for just over £37k due to 34 lucky bastards winning, instead I was a pound down! Wasn't all bad as I managed to grab a bargain when I bought 12 sausages for a quid!

Another mini rant here now and this time it's the robbing bastard power companies getting a lashing from the Pudster! I moved into my flat last Saturday and it is totally powered by electric, no gas at all. There was some credit left on the token meter but when I checked there was only £0.70 or so, so topped up with £10 which the cunt just swallowed and didn't add on. After going through the settings I found there to be £921 on there, I mean how the fuck do you manage to get £921 of debt on your power and not get cutoff? Anyway, a quick call to customer services, who were based in English and not Calcutta, sorted it and the meter was reset on the Sunday and £25 credit put onto it. I checked the credit on Friday and there was only a fiver on it! Twenty fucking pounds in five days, you must be having a giraffe! That works out at abut £100-£120 a month in leccy! Obviously I called them and told them this was bollocks but apparently it is right because Pud Jr's mum is all electric and hers is a similar bill too. The cunts must be pissing themselves laughing all the way to the bank! I have managed to source somewhere almost £35 a month cheaper and I'm just waiting for them to ring me back.

I've just received a text message telling me my landline is now activated and with that in mind I have signed up for my broadband internet through Orange. I'll be paying £24 a month for up to 8MB wireless internet, free calls to landlines and Orange mobiles in the UK and they pay my BT line rental bill too! They've said it should be activated within 10 days but the last time I used Orange (Wanadoo) it was activated in much less time than that so touch wood my "Livebox" will arrive soon and I can get back on the t'internet and rinse some fishes at the micros and earn some fucking money because I am on the bones of my arse right now money wise and just an extra £20 would make a massive difference believe you me!

Despite the lack of funds things are still great in the Pudding household and things with Mrs P are going from strength to strength. We've talked quite a lot over the weekend and all's good and we're getting on great. Step-Pud seems to love me to bits, mainly due to me being on the same wave length as an 11 month old baby and just acting like a twat with him and making him laugh all the time! Mrs P is seeing a side to me not many people see because everyone knows me as a joker who likes to take the piss and stuff but I'm a pussy cat really and she's getting to see stuff now that I could only text or talk to her on the phone about. Overall, one week in and all's superb and I'm really happy right now. Only negative thing house-wise is that I seem to have blocked the kitchen sink so I need to invest in some Mr Muscle sink unblocker which is basically £5 for a load of shite that probably won't work but it's worth a try before I harass the landlord for the first time but if that's all my worries then I can cope!

I get the use of the pub landlord's car in a fortnight which I'm looking forward to because it's fucking freezing on my 20 minute walk to the train station! I've booked the 26th November from work so that I can drive him down to Milton Keynes where he'll stop with his mate for a night before jetting off to Calgary in Canada to visit his sister for 3 months. I've never been anywhere near London so I might visit a few sites depending on the time and stuff and Mrs P and Step Pud might be coming to keep me company too so at least I won't be bored shitless on the way back home from somewhere where I don't have a clue how to get there or back! Should be fun if that's what floats your boat!

So there you have it, Pud in a good frame of mind with things going well for him and gearing himself up for some serious Puddination of the uber-micro stakes in the next 10 days. I'm so focussed and determined now I can't wait to hit the tables, earn some dollars and start rebuilding things for Pud Jr, Mrs P and Step Pud! Hope you're all having good luck at the tables and I'll try check out your blogatays during the week!

Drawing Up A Battle Plan

2007-11-08T12:38:00.000Z

With a bit of luck I should be back online by the end of November, ready to hit the tables on December 1st. I'm looking forward to playing again but at the same time I'm a little apprehensive too because my mindset has totally changed and we all know your mindset has a huge effect on the way you play poker, it can be the difference between being a winning and losing player.

Regular readers of this blog know that I can be a bit of a loose cannon and that I often played under the influence of whatever and when not in the right frame of mind and as a result I seem to have hit a brick wall and haven't progressed my actual game at the same speed as I have done with my knowledge and understanding. I became transfixed on the money aspect and also on the short-term results rather then thinking of poker as one long session where all you can do is make plays with maximum expectation and leave the rest to the poker Gods (amen). It didn't help that I was under a lot of stress at the time and was finding it hard to focus and started doing stupid mini challenges all the time and often darting around playing NL cash, FL cash, SnG's, MTT's and even Omaha and Stud cash games! Not surprising then that I managed to spunk away about $100 in the process.

Things have turned the corner now though. For one I am away from the pub and all the influences that place brought. I'm still working there until the 18th November and then that is it completely and I don't want to have to get another part-time job so will be able to dedicate a bit of solid, quality time at the tables. I've managed to sort myself a place out and although not perfect it's a base and something to build on. I've also finally got Mrs P and that's going brilliantly and despite my serious lack of funds for the time being I am really on top of things and feeling good about myself. So why am I a bit apprehensive? Well I can't remember the last time I played poker with a clear head and without things clouding my judgement! I guess I'm worried that part of my game comes out when I am feeling shit about stuff and that without all the stress and stuff I won't be the same player. I hope it's going to have a more positive effect because I'm feeling healthier, hardly drinking and eating at proper times now but I guess time will tell.

I've decided to follow some proper bankroll strategy and actually stick to it as this will generate discipline for the higher stakes. I'm going to always sit with a full buy-in and reload when I drop the blinds from my stack and always make sure I have 25 buy-ins for any given level and drop to the previous level should I fall to 18 buy-ins for the stakes I am currently at. This would mean needing $250 to play NL10 but I'd drop back to NL5 if my bankroll fell to $180 and rebuild again. The only exceptions to these rules will be when I play NL2 and NL5 on Stars because the maximum you can sit with at NL2 is, for some reason, $5 and $10 at NL5. When I play NL2 and NL5 I will play with the default stack of $3 and $6 respectively giving me around 17 and 21 buy-ins for the respective levels when my bankroll hits the $50 and $125 mark. My reasoning for this is the fact the play is so poor at these levels that I'm not bothered about BR management as much because people are willing to stack off with top pair regardless of the action around them. Yeah the beats will be plentiful but it's rare to find any fish at these stakes with a full stack for it to make a major difference. I'll be using the back end of November and the majority of December getting used to playing again after a month and a bit away from the tables then starting in January I'm really going to push this and earn some decent money. My circumstances may change a little for the better in the coming couple of months and I may be able to add to my roll again but even if I can't I've worked out that I should be able to take $50 and turn it into $2500 within 230 table hours, or 11.5 weeks at 20 hours per week.

Things on the home front are still superb and it's hard to believe it's been almost a week since Mrs P and step P came to stay. Really enjoying their company despite the fact that I seem to be getting by on less than 5 hours kip a night through a mixture of a crying baby and also practising making babies although the vats of coffee and cans of Red Bull are keeping me alive at the minute! Everything seems so natural and all three of us have slotted right into place like I hoped we would do and I'm loving how things are progressing right now because Mrs P and I are going great guns and step Pud seems to be liking me too and spends most of his time wanting to play with me which is great because I'm a big kid anyway! I knew it'd all go to plan as it's not like we don't know each other and have rushed into this, we've been talking deeply for months and this was just the next stage. One of the reasons I want to hit the poker and earn some decent monies is so I can spend more time at home with Mrs P, Pud Jr and Step Pud because I'm a big soft family man at heart! Oh and on a side note, skimpy shorts and vest top combinations for bed rule the world, and no, they're not what I had on!

Well thanks, as always, for checking in and best of luck at those rigged online tables!

I Am A Modern Day Frank Spencer!

2007-11-05T10:41:00.000Z

Oooh Betty! Well I managed to move my gear into Pud's place on Saturday but it wasn't without drama and the usual Pud bad luck that follows me around like a little black raincloud! Today my whole body aches and I have pain in muscles I didn't even know existed, my hamstrings are like violin strings and I am covered in grazes, scratches and bruises and my blood pressure is at an all time high!

I knew it was going to be one of those days when Pud Dad and I went to pick up the van and we didn't take a utility bill with us so they wouldn't let us have the fucking thing, so we had to drive back to his house to get one and go back to the van hire place. We made it to Pud Sister's house without any hiccups and loaded the sofa and chair up and drove up to my flat ready to rock and roll. When we got there Dad said there was no way on Earth they would fit up the stairs but I insisted we gave it a go and after much pulling, pushing, heaving and panting we managed to get the sofa to the top of the stairs. Which is where the bastard stayed! Because of the low ceiling on the stairs and their layout there wasn't enough room to manoeuvre the thing around so it was impossible to get it into the flat, FFS! So we had to take it back down the stairs and all the way back to my sister's in Leeds! Great start to the day!

After stopping off at Greggs for a couple of energy boosting pasties we drove to the pub and started to load up the van again. Fuck me, if I see another set of steps in the next twenty years it'll be too soon. I was up and down like a bride's nighty, no wonder my hamstrings and quads are killing me today. Halfway through loading up I had the bright idea to take the sofa from the living room of the pub because it has a bracket on it so you can split it in two so it should have fitted easily being half the size. Notice how I said should have because that cunt didn't either! Because of it's high back there wasn't enough room to turn it around so down the stairs it went and back to the pub! So for the time being Pud's Place is sofa-less! How ironic that my t-shirt said "Sofa King" on the front!

I did manage to fit my bed in which I was worried about but even this fucker is doing my head in! I assembled it and went to work at the Pub where I was joined for a few beers by Mrs P. We got a chinky on the way home and it'd been a long long day so we hit the hay as soon as we'd eaten. We'd been in bed a few minutes when there was a little thud and part of the mattress dropped down! Cunt! My bed is great but the design is wank. The wooden lats that support the mattress aren't fixed in place, instead they are kept an equal distance apart by some rubber holder which then sits on a tiny bit of metal frame and of course it like to fall off! I must have spent 30 minutes yesterday with Mrs P holding up the mattress so I could fix these lats and when I did one side the other fell off and I was getting really fucked off but we just both ended up laughing about it and I managed to fix it again. All was well until I finished my barshift last night and within 10 minutes of me laying down part of the cunt fell off again! When I woke up this morning there was more mattress on the floor than the lats but it was still comfy as fook! I'll give it another chance tonight before I take them off totally and stick the mattress on the floor!

It's been great having Mrs P there, being able to go to sleep and her be there when I wake up, I've loved it. Even Step-Pud seems to be happy because he slept right through for the first time in months last night, not a squeek out of him all night! It might be a different story tonight mind you because you know how fickle kids are. I'm looking forward to the rest of the week though because I'll get to spend time with Mrs P and step-Pud because I won't be working or living in the pub so we'll have some privacy for a change, even if we just watch TV or a DVD or something. I know my last few posts have been pretty gay but I'm just really really happy at the minute and really enjoying things and my mojo has returned and I'm pretty pleased with myself in that department! Once all the shit dies down and we can tell everyone about us it'll be even better but until then I'll enjoy our little haven away from all the prying eyes. Fingers crossed that Mrs P gets the house she's been looking at, not because then she can move out but so we can have more space as we were talking and I'll be joining her in her new pad so this move could basically have been stress for nothing! LOL! Despite my severe lack of funds I'm really enjoying life right now!

My landline gets turned on in the flat next Monday and I should have the t'tinternet around 10 days later all being well which means I should be able to start hitting the tables again and making some readies. Now my head is clear and full of positive thoughts rather than all doom and gloom I can't wait to get back into the groove and rinse those fishes! I have $20.51 sat on Stars and I'm due about $30 from rakeback on Full Tilt so my starting roll will be $50 give or take a shake. I might need the help of one of you though and do a transfer on Stars for Full Tilt cash because the minimum withdrawal on Full Tilt is $50 so I can't get this cash onto Stars which is where I'll be playing. I'm going to 6 table NL2 full ring before moving to NL5 and then NL10 by the end of December where I should be able to make a couple of hundred quid a month just by being a nit and playing sheer volume. So hopefully by this time next month my blog should be full of stories of bad beats, wreckless fish, how poker is rigged and none of this isn't life great malarky!

Two things I've been wondering about today. Why do they call a delivery by road a shipment but if it goes by see it's cargo? And also, what's the story with fat women who have small boobs? There's a woman here who obviously loves pie and cake and is the size of a bus but she has, in relative terms, tiny norks!

Thanks for reading and good luck at the tables.

Full Steam Ahead!

2007-11-02T16:02:00.000Z

Two updates in a week from the usually prolific, but as of late lazy as fuck, Yorkshire Pudding, something must be wrong! But alas all seems to be going very well still which is great! Things are slightly better because I now have a set of wheels, albeit for three months only, as the landlord of the pub has booked his flights to Canada and has asked if I want to use his car whilst he is away which helps me out an awful lot especially when I need to pick Pudding Jr up and also now being with Mrs P who has what is essentially a step-Pudding!

I've moved some stuff into Pud's Palace today to save on the amount of work me and Pud Dad need to do tomorrow. I had a bit of a worry about my bed fitting into the bedroom because the bedroom is tiny and my bed pretty huge but after a bit of measuring and some mental arithmetic it should fit although it will be pretty snug but who cares, only sleeping and sexy time will be occurring in there anyway! I'm picking a van up at 1030 tomorrow and with a bit of luck I should be fully moved in for mid afternoon meaning that I can have a shower and chill out before I have to work behind the bar at 1900. I don't know if I'm going to carry on working there once the landlord leaves, I'll have to see how I feel to be honest because at the moment I need the readies but I really can't be arsed and would like stop having to work weekends and close the chapter on my pub life.

Also been to see Mrs P today to move some of her and step-Pud's stuff up to my place. I think she liked it even though it is a bit small and it's a fresh start for the both of us. Things are going great on this front, which I fully expected them to do, and we seem to be growing closer each day and I'm really enjoying everything we do. It's been a while since I've felt this positive and sure about anything and it looks like I've buried all my shitty times now and can start getting back to my normal self and start building for the future. Saturday night will be the first time we'd have spent the night together and to say I'm looking forward to it is an understatement. Underneath my bravado I'm a big soft twat really! I'm like some lovestruck teenager again and it's great!

I also definitely need to get back to the poker tables now that I have a clear head and focus again. I've seen a deal with Orange where for £24 a month they pay your line rental, you get unlimited 8MB wireless broadband and free calls to landlines and Orange phones. Once I have all my shit moved in I'm going to look into it because not only do I love playing poker and surfing the t'internet, it also means I can earn some cash and not have to get another part-time job to pay my olds back. I've worked out that by starting with a paltry $50 and 6-tabling full ring NL2 on Stars I could be rolled for playing NL5 in around 30 hours and then NL10 another 30 hours later. It'd be a true grind to get to there but once at NL10 I could quite easily make about an extra £170 a month playing as little as 20 hours a week which would come in handy for sure. How things progress from there would be up to my finances and how much I need the cash in relation to how far I want to move up stakes. I'm no longer bothered about trying to get to play NL600 and become a "balla" I'd much rather have my little hobby that I'm pretty good at and make a few extra bits of bread each month to pay for a few luxuries for me and Mrs P.

Well that's all for now, I'll try update again after the weekend but it's going to be difficult to do with me having no internet access apart from at work and we all know I'm on my best behaviour there! Good luck at the tables and best of luck to all in the Raise The River challange taking place at DTD Poker on Sunday. Join up to Raise The River through the logo at the top of my page for more details on this great prospect.

Take care guys and gals and thanks for reading!

Pudding 3, Life Variance 0!

2007-10-30T12:36:00.000Z

Hello there boys and girls and anything else in between, thought it was time for a quick update since it's been a while. There's no real reason for the lack of updates except I've not really played any poker and I've been behaving myself in "real" life too and to be honest I just haven't really had the inclination to log on and start writing everyday for some reason but I'm here now! Why the title? Well for once, and I don't want to jinx it, things are going well for me and heading in the right direction for a change.

He shoots, he scores! Well I'm back at work after walking out after my disciplinary meeting which resulted in me receiving a written warning. The whole thing was a farce from start to finish and despite me answering all their questions with legitimate answers, backed up by our own system policies that they were charging me with abusing, they still decided not to listen and discipline me. I walked out, went home and signed myself off for the rest of the week, then went to the doctors who signed me off for two weeks with anxiety, issued me with Prozac and I chilled at home. I was dreading coming back because they were within their rights to basically sack me as I was AWOL really as the only contact I had with them was through emails! However, I had a meeting with Occupational Health and then my manager and despite having to now sit next to my boss and there being a strange atmosphere I look to have been able to paper over the cracks for the time being. Time to get my head down and crack on with things!

It's in the back of the net! I've finally managed to find a flat and I should, all being well, be moving in on Saturday! For the money it's a great little place and the landlord seems a stand up, decent guy to boot which is reassuring. As I type they are finishing off the decorating off having just fitted new hard-wood flooring and a new shower and it's looking pretty good. I saw one that they had already finished and it looked really nice but they ended up letting that one to someone recommended to them but luckily they were just finishing this one off and gave me first refusal which I obviously took. Paying the bond and rent for the month has really skinted me and I've had to borrow a couple of hundred off Pudding Mum and Dad and I'm also going to be a little tight on space initially until I sort what things I'm keeping and what will be off on it's merry little way but overall I'm looking forward to having my own place again even if it does mean living on my own initially. Still a few things to sort like all the bills and get my internet on there and stuff but I won't be able to fund any poker for a while so might not bother getting the net back on.

It's there! Pud gets his hattrick! Last and certainly not least comes number three. Pud finally gets his girl! It's been a long long process but things are really happening now and I'm as pleased as a puff with two arseholes! I spent most of my time away from work with Mrs P the other week and I'm really looking forward to our time together once all the shit blows over because it should be great. Everything about it feels right and without getting all gay and stuff I am buzzing my little titties off! It looks like she'll be crashing at mine for a couple of weeks until she manages to sort her own place out which will be great if a little different having a baby knocking around the place. All in all though I'm really looking forward to where all this is going and I'm sure I'll keep you posted over the coming weeks I'm sure.

Apart from busting my remaining roll on Full Tilt playing $0.25/$0.50 Stud Hi with rolled up 3's vs rolled up 9's there is nothing else to say. I have $20.51 on Stars and I'm due around $30 from Full Tilt from my rakeback payment but I doubt I'll be playing with any menaing until the New Year. Keep your fingers crossed that this is the turning point for me and of course Mrs P!

Thanks for reading and best of luck with whatever you're doing. I'll try catch up with other blogs in the next few days!

Is It Time For A Break?

2007-10-24T12:49:00.000+01:00

I'm starting to think that I need a break from the game, a proper break, or at least a change of pace or game I play. Since I've been on the sick I've donked about playing limit hold'em, no limit hold'em full ring and short handed, 7 card stud, SnG's, MTT's and a bit of Omaha and HORSE. I've lost my focus, determination and also my timing is way off. I'm playing like a twat!

I withdrew $300 after my 2nd place finish on Mansion and treated myself a bit by having a long overdue night out and also some bits and bobs I needed. This left me with about $150 or so which I have slowly whittled away like a dickhead. Yes I am almost busto! My balance now is $27.20 on Full Tilt and $2.80 on Ultimate Bet. Balla! I've been a tool on Full Tilt and I spunked a $22 SnG by bluffing all the way to the river with 7s2s when it was obvious villain was never going away and I also blew a whole buy-in at NL50 6 max by 3-betting all-in with 44 of all hands against a tight player who held KK. I mean WTF was I doing playing NL50 anyway?

I love poker but something is wrong at the minute. The current external pressures don't help at all but they aren't the only thing. My game selection is poor and for some reason I can't helpbut bluff too much and you know when you're in a hand and you just know the villain has you outkicked or has an overpair but you still call even though you know 100% you're beat? Well I'm doing that with alarming regularity and basically I am a donkey! So with this in mind I'm thinking of taking a break for a while, how long I do not know. I'm not going to be able to redeposit anytime soon I shouldn't imagine and I will probably be without the net soon for a month or so anyway so now seems as good a time as any to regroup and sort things out and get into the right mindset for the micro stakes that I have to play. The break might just be a few days or it might be a month or so, maybe until the new year but whenever it is I'm going to make sure I want to play and not just playing for the sake of it.

I'm back at work Monday which should be a barrel of laughs, really not looking forward to it, especially as I think they're going to fuck my wage about with me being on the sick. I've a meeting first thing with Occupational Health which is a total waste of time to be honest but I've got to go to show willing. Fucking plastic shrinks make me LOL! Whilst I've been off I've spent a lot of time with Mrs P which has been absolutely great and is going to make going back to work even harder than it would normally be after 2.5 weeks off but I have to go back because I need the cash! However, I know my cards are marked so I will be looking elsewhere for workover the coming weeks I should imagine.

Nothing much else to say really. I went to look at a room the other day where Mrs P used to live and I'm in two minds. It's £80 a week which includes all bills apart from internet and landline but it is literally a room with a shower nothing else, no cooking facilites or anything. There are kitchens on each floor and laundry facilities too but they are communal. One thing going for it as well is there is no bond involved, just a £100 one off fee which helps, but I'd have to lose some of my stuff because it just wouldn't fit and I mean two leather sofas and chairs and shit like that. Like I said I'll have to think about it a bit cos time is rapidly running out!

That's it for now, off for a shit then heading into town to look at a few things then despite my break I might play a little bit of stud on Full Tilt for a bit because they play like shit on there and it'll pass a couple of hours!

Thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables!

I'm Still Alive!

2007-10-22T13:58:00.000+01:00

Hey readers, if you still visit here! I'm alive and well but I've had no motivation to do anything really because the meds the doctor prescribed me knocked the shit out of me! I ended up paranoid and worst of all they totally took away my appetite and I love my food! From Tuesday morning until last night all I had to eat was half a tin of soup, half a chicken kebab and a cornish pasty from Greggs! Was hungry all day yesterday and ended up getting a curry which after not eating for half a week wasn't the best idea I've ever had! Let's just say it was explosive!

I've played the odd SnG and a bit of fixed limit and also a little stud too but nothing to shout about. I'm off work again this week so I should be hitting the tables a bit more although my roll is only around $120 so I might have to 6-table the $2.25 SnG's or something or I might even bite the bullet and 4-6 tbale the horrific NL10 tables!

Stay tuned because I feel my old self returning and hopefully I'll have someposts in the next few days to keep you entertained!

1st Session Sponsored By KY Jelly!

2007-10-17T15:01:00.000+01:00

I think the phrase I've used the most so far is "Fuck Me!" I got shafted good and proper and the cunts didn't even kiss me! I flopped 5 sets in 221 hands, 4 went to showdown and I won one of them for a total loss of 3BB. The shite these fuckers will hang around with is not normal! If I don't go mental this should be very profitable. Look at some of these hands!

KK crushed by the mighty 63s

Set of 7's destroyed by flopped straight

The mighty 63o strikes again!

How does this cunt call to the river?

I did actually win some hands too! These are the biggest winners for the mini session:

Set of 3's against KK

I liked how I played this!

Anyway, that's enough hands. Off for a smoke then will probably attempt to play again. I really need to eat something though because I'm not eating at all lately and I've lost a bit of weight which although I could do with it it's not coming off for the right reasons!

Thanks for reading and good luck against the fish!

Has Pudding Finally Gone Mad?

2007-10-17T11:02:00.000+01:00

What's this, two updates in two days?! Thought I'd fire off a blog entry before I head to the hospital for my blood sample taking. I'm not scared of needles but I'm not looking forward to it because it's a pain in the arse taking blood from my arms because I have some pretty nifty scars and for some reasons my veins love to hide too, the cunts!

I mentioned yesterday that I have had no motivation to play poker at all and that has continued and I don't know why. I've pretty stressed out at the minute with the work issues, house issues and some other shite too so maybe that's the problem. I did play in a $2.25 180 man SnG on Full Tilt yesterday and managed a fantastic 120th! LOL! My final hand I call amin raise on the button with 9h8h and end up getting it all-in on a 6h7hJc board and miss every fucking out twice and the min-raising cunt's J7o holds! I mean WTF!

So why the title of this blog? Well I'm going to force myself to play some poker today and tomorrow and it's going to be fixed limit hold'em! I'm literally going back to basics and back to my roots to see if I can get the real itch to play again. I made most of my poker profits through fixed limit so I reckon I can do it again. I've set aside $125 which is 250BB for the $0.25/$0.50 tables on Full Tilt, the lowest they offer and I plan to 4 table these games for a few hours today to see if I can get back into things. I have a feeling that after half hour I'll be reaching for the Prozac and razor blades but nothing ventured nothing gained I guess.

I'll try update later but right now I'm off for a coffee in town with (potential?) Mrs P then off to the hospital for a gallon of the red stuff taking out! I'll get back to my normal postings soon, I just have to be very careful these days with the stalker-aments going on!

Thanks for reading and best of luck at those crazy tables!

Overdue Update!

2007-10-16T11:32:00.000+01:00

Since my "win" in Mansion I've hardly played any poker whatsoever and have even closed my Mansion account. I tried to play a few $11 SnG's on there during peak Euro time and every hand I timed out so I emailed support telling them how shit their software is and why on Earth didn't they move to iPoker as planned. Two hours later I received and email telling me that my account was now closed and my money transfered to Neteller! LOL!

I have been signed off sick from work for one week due to anxiety and have been prescribed what is essentially Prozac and asked to go for a full blood test which I am going to do today or tomorrow. I've got another appointment on Friday as my blood pressure was quite high for a 26 year old and my resting pulse was 108! Heart attack on toast or what, I must have been a bit shittier that I'd given myself credit for! If things are still the same I should be off next week too.

There have been massive developments on the potential Mrs P front too which basically paves the way for her to be Mrs Pudding! It's a very private matter so it won't be discussed here as of yet and there are still some pretty big hurdles to overcome and move out of the way but things are looking great on that front. Long way to go but things look priomising. Just hope nothing happens to fuck things up like is usually the case when things go good for me!

Still not sorted a house yet although I need to get a wriggle on because the landlord has handed in his notice. I've a couple of numbers to ring and will be getting onto those after this blog update I should imagine seeing as I have fuck all else planned! It's all pretty stressful and it could be a pain because one of the places I am asking about is fully furnished and I have most of my stuff here and nowhere to put it plus I'm going to be short changed at work and this month is going to be expensive as fuck plus there's not long until Christmas either. FFS!

I think that's about it. I have withdrawn a large chunk of my roll as I am peppermint and have a few things I need to buy and vans to rent so I have $150 on Full Tilt which I am going to use for the rest of the month. Well I actually have $146.70 as I entered a deep stacked Omaha MTT last night for some fucking reason. No I wasn't pissed before you ask!

Sorry if this isn't the usual Pud-style update but I'm doing this on a whim and haven't had any motivation to play or write anything poker related for a week now with other things going on in my life right now. I promise though I will be hitting the tables at some point today and tomorrow!

Thanks for reading and good luck at the tables!

Bankroll Doubled!

2007-10-11T18:14:00.000+01:00

First of all sorry for the distinct lack of updates of this blog lately, I know I am one of the more prolific bloggers in our network but with all the goings on at work I've either not had time to update or not had the inclination for a few reasons but I thought after today's exploits the Pudster was allowed a brag post! But first things first.

Work is still a mess. I missed two calls and two emails from my boss yesterday asking that I attend a meeting at 0900 today to discuss my unauthorised absence! WTF? I asked when the meeting had finished if I could leave and the answer was a loud and clear "Yes" so I left! I felt sick and unable to work when I arrived back at my desk so,with my boss not being there, I left a message with a collegue and then emailed my boss later that day to explain things. Nothing unauthorised there in my book, but whatever.

Actually played some live poker with Spunksock and our mate Jermaine. It was a £10+£3 double shootout and it didn't go to plan. I started off well hitting a flush with Qd7d and being paid off but Imade an awful call, based on slight pot odds, image and the fact I could rebuy with 55 and was against AK and TT and didn't suck out. Suckout I did later on with Qh6h to crack TT and Jermaine's AA with running Queens after a squeeze went wrong and those chips carried me forward towards the final table. I bubbled the final table though when I limped 1st in, in the SB, with 8h4h and was min-raised by a tool of a player. Flop comes AhQh6c and I check. Tool bets small and I'm not buying it to make it 5k to go with 400/800 blinds. He puts me all-in and I'm priced in on the flush and call. He turns over AA and I miss and go home in 10th. Whatever. Was good to get back on the live scene again and it was a good laugh all round.

Now my brag! I took 2nd in a $5.50 MTT with 315 runners for $236 and change, my biggest score yet! I deposited on Mansion because they've moved to the OnGame network and I get 36% rakeback so thought it's a win win situation but alas, my rakeback is no more. Anyway, i entered this tournament and told Spunksock I was LAGging it up for a change and things were going pretty well for me after the break. Top 40 were paid and once the bubble burst I started to make plays. I couldn't help but get my money in ahead for a change and finally hit the table sat 5 from 10 villains.

With 42k in chips and blinds 1.5k/3k there wasn't much room for error. I call a UTG min-raise with 33 and three of us see a flop. Flop is awesome and is 3AT, once check, a pot sized bet and I pushand am called by initial min-raiser who has AJ and is drawing very thin. Boom! 83k and 2/9 and I could taste a decent score. BurnleyMik was railing via MSN at this point and keeping me on the straight and narrow with SpunkSock! Lost 18k with blinds 3k/6k and 83k in chips. I raise 3xBB with Ah9h and a villain jams. I tank and fold. I'm happy with this especially as there were a couple of shorter stacks and I knew villain could be making a play but i didn't want to be a 65/35 favourite at this stage. Won a monster 173k pot with ATo all in against 2 villains, quickly followed by another 107k pot soon after for a clear chip lead!

Got heads up after I jammed over a push to isolate. I had AdKd and him Ac5c and flop comes AKx for a huge 270k pot and 2/1chip lead. HU villain was very aggro and I couldn't find the hands to play back at him and when I did he either jammed over me or folded when I had the good. One hand he raised his usual amount on the button and i jam with A5o. He calls with 77 and it holds. Couple of hands later I open push with Ts9s and he calls with K8o and flops and 8 and nothing for me but a nice $236 and change! Ship it! Only got my money in behind 3 times and those were two of the times! Winner got almost $400 which would have been great but I'm chuffed with that result as it take the roll to around $485 or so which is much needed I can tell you.

I think not using PAHUD and Poker Tracker helped me as I was forced to play situations rather than numbers which can be unreliable over a small sample so it's something I'll continue to do. Hopefully this is the start of a new beginning for me and poker!

Thanks for reading, I'll try not to leave it as long next time!

Take care guys!

The Slump Continues!

2007-10-09T12:21:00.000+01:00

Well at 1400 today I will be facing my boss and a Human Resources woman charged with the excessive use of Facebook during working hours! For those who can't be bothered to read older posts what's basically happened is for some reason my boss took it upon herself to search for my Facebook profile during her own time at home and because any action you take is time stamped I have been shown to be using Facebook during working hours. Rather than confront me and bollock me about it she's confronted me and ran to HR as if to try gain some Brownie points for herself. She's even compiled a Word document with every action I've taken on my account since I opened it! It's all bullshit.

Their case, for want of a better word, is full of holes and they seem to have avoided the first question on my lips which is why the fuck is my boss searching for me during her own time? Also, are they aware that to discipline me with excessive use of the Facebook website they have to monitor the usage of anyone who has access to that site? If Facebook is so poor for business why haven't the IT department blocked the site? If the IT department monitor internet usage as it states in our policy then why hasn't my usage been flagged? It's obviously not that excessive in comparison to other's usage then. It's almost like a witch hunt in this place once somebody rubs a manager up the wrong way and they do everything to make them uncomfortable and basically force them out. I've got a decent defence and if I'm not convinced that this isn't victimisation I will take legal advice. I shouldn't have used Facebook during work but I've always completed my work and the actually amount of time spent on it is minimal because if you've seen any of the stuff on there you'll know these silly quizzes and stuff take seconds. So finger crossed it'll all go ok, don't think it helps my argument that I was 15 minutes late this morning, of all fucking mornings!

I have checked my Doomswitch and it is set to Maximum Overdrive, which incidentally cheesy dance act 2 Unlimited made in the 90's! I played five of the $4.40 180 man games last night and came nowhere near cashing in any of them, in fact the best I came was around 50th which is wank. I posted in the Online Railing forum on Raise The River and if you go there and have a look at some of the hands that beat me when I was ahead you will LOL! Even Burnley Mik said my Doomswitch was well and truly flicked on! I honestly don't know what to do. Some people so take a break but most articles I've read say you can do nothing but plough straight through it and eventually variance kicks back in in your favour. I have lost a lot of confidence these past few days and have also lost all my profit for the month so I am back to exactly, all but a few cents, where I started on October 1st with around $250! I'm nicely over-rolled for the $3.40 turbo's which I could 6 table but the last time I played these I was also on a downswing and didn't cash in my first ten but that was also when I was trying to play turbo's like normal SnG's and was a fish! I'm also considering trying another game for a short while just for a change in pace, maybe 7 card stud because I've watched some of the games on Stars and they are so loose they have to be seen to be believed and must be profitable just by playing tightly. You see, I've lost my focus again and I'm splashing around games which is a recipe for disaster.

On a more positive note I am awaiting an email or text message from an old supervisor that could lead into a new career opportunity so fingers crossed with that one. I've also been passed a number of a landlord, from potential Mrs P, who has some furnished flats to rent for around £300 a month which isn't bad so I might have to give him a call and see what is included as I have some of my own stuff that I'd rather use if possible.

I'm sure that by the end of the week I'll be telling you how much I love poker and how I own etc because this slump can't last forever! I mean it's been 2.5k hands, 12 SnG's and 5 MTT's so I am due some fucking luck please! Maybe I should start playing half pissed again as that seemed to work! Haha!

Thanks for reading guys and best of luck at those damned tables!

Worst Night's Sleep Ever!

2007-10-08T12:05:00.000+01:00

I'm so fucking tired today it is unbelievable after I had my worst night's sleep ever. No boys and girls and Spunky Socks, Pudding isn't tired due to too much beer, cider or alcohol or any pharmaceuticals, he's tired due the evil entity that is Chinese food! Yes dear readers I hardly slept a wink thanks to my local Chinese takeaway! I worked my usual 1500-2300 shift behind the bar yesterday and when we closed up the landlord and I ordered some food as we were staving our rocks off. We devoured our spare ribs in OK sauce, chicken and sweetcorn soup and some aromatic crispy lamb with pancakes and hit the hay. I then proceeded to drink around 1.5L of water during the night, waking up every hour with stupid dreams and needing more water and then waking up needing a piss due to the water I'd drunk! Fucking chinkies and their love of MSG, cunts! But it tastes so nice!

Poker is still going shite and I'm running like a landmine victim right now and I'm trying to not let it piss me off but it's difficult when you get it all in against a fish with AK vs KT on a King high board and the cunt rivers a ten on you. Whatever can go wrong is going wrong and it's testing my nerve. For a change of pace I tried some turbo sit and goes, the $2.25 games, and 10 tabled them! LOL! I did great, winning three, coming second in another and coming third twice for a nice 76% ROI. This little run soon ended though and I've only cashed once in my next 12 games although I did win that one. When will this end? Please say soon or I might go mental, well more mental!

I spoke to Spunk Sock yesterday and told him I can't play NL10 and won't play it. My problem is I have read the forums, books and discussed hands on many levels with decent players and I just can't forget all this when I play the micro stakes and play ABC poker. It's not me. The only reason I play the micro-stakes is because I don't have the bankroll for anything higher, the reason most of the micro players play these stakes is because they are fucking shit at poker! Now I'm not a great player, far from it, but I am much better player than half of these retards but I try to play NL50-100 at the NL10 tables and it doesn't work. So I need to find a way to build my bankroll so that I can play at the higher levels and I'm going to do that through small stakes SnG's and MTT's.

Before I went to sleep last night I withdrew some of my funds from Full Tilt back to Neteller. My thinking behind this is to hit the 180 man $4.40's on PokerStars as I've had reasonable success at these and I know that if I play enough of them I can beat them consistently. Also, if I get lucky and take one or two down my bankroll will blossom overnight and I can get on with earning some decent cash from this bastard of a game! I withdrew enough to cover 40 buy-ins for the $4.40's leaving me with around $100 on Full Tilt which I will use for the $2.25 SnG's and the odd MTT $5.50 and under. I'm due about $10 from my rakeback company for last month and have so far earned $20-30 this month which will be paid next month. I was going to play the 180 man games on Full Tilt but they seem to fill up slower than an old man's bollocks despite the prize to buy-in ratio being excellent. Shame really because I prefer Full Tilt's structure over Stars' especially as the progression of the blinds is a lot smoother but you can't beat Stars for the availability of games and for how quickly they fill up.

Tomorrow is D-Day at work as I have my disciplinary at 1400. According to the letter I received I am "required to attend an interview" to discuss my manager's "concerns regarding my internet usage at work". Apparently I will have the chance to "state my case" so I have requested that I am sent all the evidence they have against me because how can I state my case when I don't know exactly what I am being charged with? If I don't receive this today I will not be attending as it won't be a fair hearing. It feels like a witch hunt to be honest after my recent disciplinary problems and I think they're going to try and tie my 3 month warning to this offence and try to force me out but it's a separate issue totally and I'll make sure it's logged as such. I'm really not bothered about the outcome of this meeting but I could really do with not getting sacked as it'll make getting a half decent job much more difficult but I do actually have the potential to be shown the door! Regardless of the outcome it's going to make working here pointless as I'll never be able to switch departments or progress upwards (not that I have any intention of doing so) and it'll also unbearable because I feel betrayed by my boss and the way the company operates. I'll never be able to be legitimately sick or late and every little thing that I do wrong will be scrutinised! The ironic thing is I was told that my boss' husband was told off a few weeks ago for being on Sky Sports, amongst others, website during the day! I guess in around 30 hours time I will be certain of my fate!

Right, my lunch half hour is almost up so I better sign it off here. I'm hoping to hit a few games tonight and if, sorry WHEN, I end up going deep I'll post something in the Railage Forum on Raise The River!

As always, thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables!

Is This Some Sort Of Sick Joke?

2007-10-07T01:26:00.000+01:00

Well the change to full ring seems to have done fuck all and variance has decided to follow me to these plains and continue to fuck me without kissing me! I swear, after someofthe hands I saw tonight I fully expected Jeremy Beadle to walk into my room and say I was on TV for a prank played by the guys at Raise The River!

Not only have I had to deal with the hands I told you about in yesterday's post, I have now just had to deal with the following:

KK vs AA AIPF = Suck my cock

AA vs 65s = Lick my balls. I actually see why he stayed in but still fuck off

TT vs AK = WTF does he think he beats here the retard? Thanks for throwing the King up on the river just to really fuck me off!

Boat over Boat = Meh, whatever

AQ vs JTo = Again, blow me Poker Gods (amen)

So 541 hands and a loss of $17 and change. Only positive thing to come out of this session was I could 8 table very easily and tried to open more but Full Tilt won't let me so I'll be 8 tabling later today which means around 500 hands per hour. Surely my luck has to change soon.

Watch out, Beadle's about!

Pretty Graphs And A New Direction

2007-10-06T11:04:00.000+01:00

Ah, things always look better after a night's sleep and I'm back to being positive again! My bad run last night really got to me because I felt I was playing solid but variance was kicking me square in the balls again! I am pleased though how I made the decision to call it a night and not play again until today because in the past I have carried on playing when I'm not focussed and that leads to bigger losses and chasing money.

Pud Jr is currently trying to make the biggest mess he possibly can with all his toys, Cbeebies is on the box and I've been flicking through my database to see how much of a donk I actually am! According to Poker EV I am "owed" around $30 so I wasn't as in front as I thought but this doesn't take into account coolers like my KK vs AA or my J9s vs Q9s on a Q9J board against a weak LAG but it does show I've been sucked out on to the tune of over a buy-in at NL25. Now I know this isn't a great amount but it still pisses me off as I like my Poker Tracker to have all green figures!

I love 6-max for the action involved and the fact that the weak players are horrific but the variance is massive in these games especially when, like last night, I sat at a table and it turned out every single villain was using PAHUD and was a 2+2 member! Talk about wank table selection! So after a brief chat with Spunk Sock I am going to go back to NL10 and play Full Ring, probably 6 tables, and play my usual TAG game which should be very profitable against these donks. My bankroll is currently $301.54 so I amnicely rolled for NL10 and I will take a shot, but probably drop 2 tables, when I hit $350, dropping back down to NL10 if I drop back to the $300 mark. It's time to play my A-game consistantly again and not worry about beats as they happen and bad beats happen more to a good player as we get our money in good more often!

Anyway, here's my stats for 6-max and some pretty graphs!

I'm not going to get to play until about midnight tonight with me having Pud Jr today and then I'm working from 1900-2300 but I still plan on hitting 500-750 hands before I go to sleep and then I'll be getting up at a reasonable time tomorrow and hitting 2k hands before I start work at 1500. This should then keep me on course for 20-30k hands for the month.

Thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables.

I Fucking Hate This Game Sometimes!

2007-10-05T21:17:00.000+01:00

Only a short post today because I'm really fucked off. Since my last update I've played just over 1k hands of NL10 and wonabout $55 which is owning! Because of that I had 12 buy ins for NL25 so took a shot and initially dropped 1 buy in but managed toclaw it back to $60 in profit but the last 1k hands at NL25 have been horrific.

I'm not even going to bother posting the hands but I've had AA lose to 96s, KK to QQ, KK to AA, AQ to AA on an AQx board, ATs vs A4o on an A5T board to a runner-runner straight, it's fucking awful. For my 2,425 hands of NL25 I have a loss of $7.20. It's amazing what these fucking dickheads call with too but losing $125 to coolers and suckouts certainly hurts I can tell you. I downloaded the Poker EV software and it confirms I'm running like a cunt and I should be well in front but I'm not. Yeah it's variance but it's shit!

To add insult to injury I'm in the shit at work for my internet usage. For some reason my boss searched for me on Facebook when she was at home and it shows I was on Facebook during working hours, so she printed off the profile page and gave it to Human Resources and I now have a disciplinary meeting on Tuesday at 1400. Looking at the company rules etc I could actually be for the high jump because I'm already on a 3 month probation period after my recent spat with HR. I really don't need this shit and if I'm honest losing my job would be shit because of lack of funds but at the same time I really don't give a fuck anymore. Everything they do has a blame culture and it's always as if someone is trying to get one over on someone else, all sneaky. At the end of the day there are plenty of jobs paying £15k a year and it's not like I'm specialised in a field.

So job situation is wank, poker is going fucking shit, I am 100% homeless in November and I'm still cunting single. But at least I have my health as they say! Honestly if I didn'tlaugh I'd fucking cry!

Hope you all have a great weekend though, I'm calling it a night on the poker front, time for some cider!

I Finally Run Like God!

2007-10-03T12:05:00.000+01:00

I didn't play even half of the hands I expected to play last night because I was totally knackered by the time I arrived home. I hardly slept Friday or Saturday and had minimal sleep Monday and it finally caught up with me and I could feel my concentration levels dropping rapidly so decided to call it a day after a mere 488 hands, although I did manage to turn in a nice profit of $33.60! Ship It!

When I got back to the pub I ordered a nice cold pint, of Pepsi that is! Yes Pud drinking soft drinks, make a note of it! In an attempt to wake myself up I jumped in the shower and took with me the greatest shower gel on the planet, Original Source Mint and Tea Tree. It's fucking awesome! The mint really wakes you up and I tell you what lads, wash your bollocks and bell end with it for a different experience, it's weird but nice. Bit like if you fill a condom full of water, freeze it, use it as a dildo on your missus then fuck right afterwards, that kind of weird! Now there's something you married lot should convince the missus to try. Yorkshire Pudding, sexual therapist, at your Cervix! Back on track Pud you twat! Right, I opted for 6 max because basically full ring bores me to tears! Yeah it can be very profitable but it's more about letting the game come to you and waiting for big hands where I like to be the aggressor and I often come unstuck at full ring by being too aggressive and loose. I fired up 4 tables of NL10 and got to work.

From the off I felt in control but was getting frustrated that the majority of my raises weren't being called and I was taking down loads of $0.25 pots but when some other fish raised they were getting callers and being paid off but I kept in control of my emotions and plodded along as normal. Then I started with a rush of cards and although I wasn't being paid off handsomely with them I did manage to take down some half decent pots with c-bets and delayed c-bets. Then the poker Gods (amen) gave me three hands in quick succession which resulted in the villains being stacked. It obviously helps when you flop a straight here and here and then turn a set when a loose villain holds Aces but it's their own fault for over valuing their hand! About fucking time I hit some big hands me thinks! Comments on the hands? Like I said earlier I felt so tired instead of carrying on I decided to call it a night which is a change for me as usually I'd carry on playing and donate my chips to some random fish! I should get about 1.25 hours in tonight before I have to work the bar and depending on my alertness I may do another hour when I have finished although I have promised potential Mrs P that I'd download her some tunes so I might do that tonight which will free up Thursday and Friday for a couple of big sessions, so I can get back on track as I'm about 1k hands behind schedule at present but this is easy enough caught up.

I'm also getting seriously addicted to Facebook! I've managed to add over 30 friends recently and it's good to see what people are up to and stuff like that, especially as some of them I went to Primary school with and I've not seen them for about 15 years! Some of the stuff on there is a bit cheesy and sad but it's on the whole a good laugh and a bit of silliness is always good in my book. I'd recommend anyone getting a free account and tracking down some old mates, you might even get to see some pictures of fellow bloggers, including yours truly!

Life's good at the minute and I'm felling great about myself. I'm getting my friends and family back in my life and poker is going good too. I still have a few things to iron out but I should be back on totally top form in a month or so, so keep checking in to see what's happening in Pud's world! I've also added a few new blogs to my blogroll down the right so make sure you pop over and say hi. Amatay and Spunksock will have already been there though the internet stalking fish!

Thanks for reading and best of luck at those fish infested tables!

Friends Reunited

2007-10-02T11:12:00.000+01:00

Here is a great recipe for you to try if you want to feel like shit! Take 8 cans of Kronenberg 1664, add a couple of joints, mix with far too many Lambert and Desperate fags, mix in little in the way of food and stew for three hours sleep, wake when done and walk to the bus stop with a bag that weighs as much as Rick Waller in the freezing cold! Tired does not come close to how I feel right now, even the sausage sarnie, large coffee and three cans of Red Bull have failed to blow away the cobwebs so far. I'm so glad this is becoming less and less like the norm and more of a one off occasion!

After work last night I went to my mate Brian's house for a few beers and a catch up. We're the best of mates despite not seeing each other for over a year and we decided it was about time we met up again. He met me in Leeds city centre and we fell right back into the groove instantly. We were going to go for a blast on his new Suzuki GSXR-750 but by the time we'd picked up beers for later and he'd sorted some of his business stuff out it was freezing and pitch black so we gave it a miss and decided to consume our beers instead. The beers flowed and we took the piss and talked about old times, old friends and about the issues I'd been having over the past few months and as usual I was given some decent advice and what not. It made me laugh how it took me 45 minutes to try and explain pot odds and expectation to Bri as we kept going off on a tangent due to THC consumption! Former Mrs P text asking about this and that and when I said I was round at Brian's she text back asking if "is he the one with the massive cock or the squeaky leather pants?" LMAO, don't ask! I also think I was a bit of a knob with potential Mrs P, nothing nasty but judging by my outbox on my phone I just kept going on and on about bollocks like I do after beer and smoking! Sorry darling! She asked if I was pissed because my spelling was shit but I'd only had two or three cans then but by the time I collapsed I'd supped my way through 8 of the bitches! Not good. I think we ordered a curry but passed out on the sofa so didn't hear the cunts turn up so Bri may now be barred from his favourite takeaway! I somehow managed to get myself up at 0630 and also find the right bus stop despite still being a little pissed still!

It was great to see Bri again and we definitely won't leave it as long next time, in fact he's coming over on Sunday morning to take me out for a spin on his new machine, weather permitting. I've got some great mates who I've neglected but who would still be there for me at a drop of a hat if I needed them and them me. I suppose that's the sign of true mates. I'd not neglected them on purpose, but it doesn't help when I live about £30 taxi ride from where they live, have to work weekends, can't get wrecked on Friday's due to me having Pud Jr etc and also money has been really tight for a while now and a lot of them have long term girlfriends, wives and kids. Since getting over my mental problems (well almost) and joining the rather gay but addictive Facebook, I've had the urge to get back in with my mates and family members again and get back to some sort of normal life. It's not costly either as I only spent £10 yesterday and we had a right laugh from start to finish, great value!

So I didn't get to play any poker so I will need to make up for that tonight. I've started to come round now so I should be fine by the time I get home around 1800. I'm planning to have a shit, shave and shower because I look like a Big Issue seller, feel grotty and have a mouth that is like a Turkish wrestler's jockstrap! I've still not decided whether or not I'm going to play full ring or 6 max either so I need to have a think during today. I eventually got through to the company that Poker Heaven uses for their cashier and it turns out they initially lied to me about it being Neteller's problem why my withdrawal was declined and that they had some "technical problems" the day they sent my money off so I have to try and make the withdrawal again tonight so I should have my roll back on Full Tilt in the next couple of days with a bit of luck. Depending on how tired I feel I aim to play between 1k and 2k hands tonight to catch up on yesterday's down time which means that I should be able to take a shot at NL25 tomorrow. I'm going to start to take a shot at the next highest stakes when I have 10 buy-ins for it and drop back if I lose 2 buy-ins as this will leave me with 20 for the stakes below. Hopefully I'll run like Spunk Sock and Amatay and tear the tables up!

Right time for my 4th Red Bull I think. Sorry about the slight fragmented post but that's all my head can manage today! Should have some poker content tomorrow with a few hands I've had trouble with during my session!

Take it easy guys and thanks for reading!

That's My Boy!

2007-10-01T12:50:00.001+01:00

I forgot about this picture until I was going through my phone on my dinner! I had Pudding Jr over on Friday and we went downstairs, into the bar, for him a glass of milk. A few customers were playing poker and one had gone for a piss so off he wondered, sat at the table with his milk and stacked his chips! It must be in the blood!

Mini-pud domination!

We Shall Rename This Month Pudtober!

2007-10-01T11:48:00.000+01:00

Pinch, punch, first of the month, no return. Remember saying that as a kid? Well September has been and gone and we are now into the tenth month of the year, how fucking quick has this year gone? This month is going to be perfect to start rebuilding things because not only is it a start of a new month it's also the first day of the week and with my slightly obsessive nature the first of the month starting on a Monday is fantastic. Don't ask! I have a really good feeling about this month for some reason and I'm hoping to make it my most successful month yet in poker.

As expected I didn't play much since my last post, I know I said I was going to play a bunch of SnG's but I couldn't motivate myself for them. I take my hat off to these SnG grinders who 12 table for 8 hours a day because I just couldn't do it. I did manage a whole five of the bitches though and ran like God by winning three and coming 2nd in the other two! I would have won the other two but I ran 99 into AA and J7 into Q7 on a 77xxx board. Still a 236% ROI and a nice little $27 profit for 40 minutes work isn't to be sniffed at. I also entered the Daily Double MTT's on Full Tilt in the early hours on Sunday morning. The buy in was $10+$2 and there was a bonus for cashing in both, highest aggregate finish, making two final tables and winning both. Both games kick off at the same time, which was about 0200, with the A tourney having 1,485 runners and the B 1,331 meaning the top 216 were paid with prizes ranging from around $15 to a very nice $2.8k!

Things were going very average from the off, the play was pretty loose and my plan was to see a few flops early and hit a monster but I couldn't even do that as I was dealt total turd for cards so I sat tight and hoped to get paid off with some premium hands. My heart wasn't in it by the first break and I kept nodding off and I eventually busted in the B game in about 700th and I don't remember how. As I knew I wouldn't be getting a double cash bonus I decided to open my game up a bit in the A game and it worked a treat. I was raising at least twice an orbit and when I was eventually played back at I seemed to have the goods. I won a huge pot about 2.5 hours in when I rivered a King after making a squeeze play with AK and was against 99 and AQ. the board came out 47QJK and I was chip leader with around 350 left, with a great image, being hit in the face with the deck and a table full of average stacks. I could smell a final table appearance! Towards the third break I was really flagging so actually sat out for the last ten minutes and took a 15 minute power nap (including the break). However, the Poker Gods (amen) do not take this action lightly and decided to fuck me over well and truely. Very first hand after the break I get TT in the BB. 2nd in chips villain, who I re-stolen from a number of times, makes it 4xBB from MP1. All fold and I 3-bet him once again, this time he flat calls. Flop come T5J and to keep up with my image I bet out 2/3's pot and villain makes it 3x my bet. Now I'm hoping here he has QQ-AA and is going to give me a monster stack or he's playing back at me with AJ-AK. I push and he snap calls and tables fucking fish hooks the cunt! No case ten for me and I bust about 270, about 50 from the money. Sick! I win that hand and I have twice the chips as anyone else and I really had a chance for a big big score. Set over set, meh. Wanker of a game!

I played 4 tables of NL10 6 max last night after my barshift and managed to reap a nice profit of $19 from about an hours play. The standard of play is awful in these and I might have to re-think playing full ring if this is what the play is like. I feel "in the zone" recently and I'm very confident and happy about my game and I'm looking forward to hitting 20-30k hands this month. If I can manage that i will delighted especially as I bet I've only played 30-50k hands all year so far! I know I have the game now to make some decent money from poker, not millions far from it, but I know I could make what I earn now in my day job if I had the right bankroll and now that my attitude towards everything has changed. I really think I can have a $500 month and a further $2-300 in rakeback which would be fucking brilliant! I'm going to use a 20 buy in rule but start to take shots when I have 12 buy ins for the next step up, dropping back down if I drop 2 buy ins. By doing this I should be able to progress more quickly with less risk of going crazy and losing a chunk of my roll. I have around $125 in my Full Tilt account and once Poker Heaven stop fucking about and give me my withdrawal of $155 I should only be about $20 short from taking a shot at NL25. I borrowed £50 ($95) from my bank account which I could do with putting back but I might just cut my spending on stuff during the next couple of weeks so I can keep it as part of my roll.

I'm not going to get to play tonight as I am meeting one of my best mates, Brian, after work. I met Brian when I was 18 and was put on despatching at O2 when I came back from the sick after breaking my arm for the first time. We hit it off right away and we've been like brothers ever since! I've not seen him for nearly a year now but we just slot right back into the groove straight away like we'd seen each other everyday, he really is a great guy. With everyone I know I seem to go from just talking to them to being mates that can say anything to each other, call each other cunts etc with no in between bit, it's weird. Anyway, he's the proud owner of a Suzuki GSXR-600 so I have dug my protective gear out and if the weather holds up he's going to take me for a spin on it. I must admit I got some funny looks this morning with my huge bag, armoured jacket and carrying a fluorescent Simpons helmet onto a packed train! LOL! When we've been for a ride we're just going to get a few tinnies, a takeaway and talk bollocks etc. Really looking forward to it, I'm a simple creature!

I've also taken the first step towards getting myself back on track career wise. I know I won't be a poker pro any time soon, probably not ever, so I need to maximise my earning potential and to do that I need to gain more qualifications. So I have registered to study with the Open University again, this time opting to gain a degree in Information and Communication Technology, hopefully going through and completing a masters along the way. It's going to be a long road but should be rewarding at the end of it. I start in February 2008 and the Open University are going to pay for the course, give me a £250 grant and pay my broadband connection too! The joys of being poor. Once the initial stages are over with I plan to drop my hours here to part-time, devote more time to studying my degree and by this stage I should be able to make £500-600 a month through pokes to supplement my lack of hours during the day. If I can do this I will be delighted I can tell you. Fingers crossed!

So, no challange as such for this month, just a totally fresh start and earn as much as I can! If it's as good a month as I hope it is I'm going to rename this month Pudtober!

Thanks for reading and best of luck at the real and virtual felt!

Now For Something Completely Different

2007-09-28T15:19:00.000+01:00

Well I managed to ship the total of $16 to the Full Tilt fish last night whilst showing Pudding Dad NLHE ring games. We initially sat at a FR NL10 game with the idea of showing him what hands to ditch in the various positions of the table and let him know the reasoning behind each call, raise or fold and also to try to assign hand ranges to villains. To say we were card dead was an understatement, even my dad said he understands why I at least 4 table when the cards aren't falling but I also didn't play too good. Tiltsock sat at our table for a short while before leaving and I joined a NL25 game soon after, mainly to show my dad the difference in aggression. This is where I lost $10 with 97 against a tricky LAG on a xxQ77 board and he had J7. Meh. I played it horrible but dad seemed to learn that you can use position more than cards especially in NL.

So what am I planning for this weekend? Well poker playing time is going to be at a premium due to me having Pudding Jr tonight and until 1800 tomorrow then work from 1900-0000 Saturday and then 1500-2300 Sunday but I still plan to play a bunch......of SnG's! Why I hear you ask when all I've talked about is 20-30k hands of FR during October and that itself is the reason why. Basically I don't want to play cash until Monday so that I can jump straight in all refreshed without my tired weekend play playing on my mind and log a couple of really big sessions. I've also downloaded a 30 day trial of SnG Wizard which I really want to try out too because my knowledge of ICM and optimal bubble play is very average and I'd like to improve this and apparently this software goes through your hand histories and highlights problems, especially around bubble time and lets you know if you should have pushed or folded depending on your opponents calling ranges.

Pud Jr is usually tired out now by around 2100 due to school and running round like a dickhead with me so I may fire up a set when he goes to the land of nod. He usually goes to bed much earlier at his mum's house but he gets excited at mine plus I let him stay up longer than normal with me not seeing him much. Anyway, the plan is to play between 50-100 SnG's at the $2.25 level between now and Monday and analyze each one where I finished the final 5 using SnGWiz and see if I can increase my ROI somewhat by improving my bubble play. I plan to play a minimum of 6 tables at a time but I've not decided if I will play turbo's or standard speed games yet or whether I'll tile or cascade the game windows but that's a choice I'll make when push comes to shove but I'm edging towards the turbo donk fests just so I get to the bubble situations quicker and so I can fit more games in. Hopefully I'll learn something new and turn a nice little profit at the same time and be nice and refresh and in cash game mode for Monday!

Elsewhere, I have been getting addicted to the gayness that is Facebook, I can't leave the fucker alone! I restarted one with my proper name and so far I have 20+ buddies added and loads of really gay add-ons but it's fun and passes my lunch break quicker than usual plus I've managed to get back in contact with old work and school mates and even former Mrs P has signed up for an account! Talking of former Mrs P, she told me that she read Amatay's shagging post the other day and thought it was a really good post so you might have a new regular reader to add to your collection you Hammers supporting arrogant fish!

I have a mini challange for you. Watch this cartoon a couple of times in a row and this one too and try not to sing them for the rest of the night.

That's all for now folks, life is good and hopefully it'll be better when I've been owning the $2.25 donks this weekend! Have a good one boys and girls.

Is It All Starting To Come Together?

2007-09-27T11:52:00.000+01:00

I read dozens of blogs of blogs on a daily basis. Some are fellow micro-donks, some mid range players and some who play nose bleed stakes poker where one big blind is more than my entire bankroll! A lot of the comments left by players like myself on the blogs of the NL200/400 regulars ask the blog owner when did they realise they were a winning player or was there a clear point where everything they'd learned and tried to put into practice actually seemed to work. You can see clearly on some of the blogs when the change from breaking even to becoming a winner happened. I'm starting to think you'll be able to see that on my little blog from now.

I'm in the process of making the transition from 6 max NL to full ring for a few reasons. Firstly, I find it easier to multitable FR and can play 4-6 games comfortably where when I play SH I don't play my best if I have more than 2 tables open. Also, I am honest about my ability as a poker player and if I find myself on a table where there is someone clearly better than me but I don't want to leave that table because there are a few donators there I find it easier to "hide" from this player at FR than I do at SH for obvious reasons. Thirdly, the vast majority of micro and low stakes players do not have a clue about position and how hand value change with position and with me being pretty clued up on this I have a major advantage. Again, a lot of FR players are very weak, have tried SH and failed and come back to FR as it's less aggressive but have brought many bad habits with them from SH games. Finally, I am wanting to try live cash at some point so this is in theory my training!

Anyway, I really feel like everything is coming together at long last. I am playing some brilliant poker, for micro stakes, making some solid reads and acting on them and I'm really enjoying my poker again at the moment. Yeah I'm still making some ridiculous mistakes which need ironing out but I'm experimenting with plays and bet sizing and for the whole it is paying off. I've played 3.5k hands over the past week and a half and I'm running at over 20PTBB/100 and it would be more had I not been stacked once with QQ, once with JJ and half a buyin last night with AK on an AK4 board. Of course some of this is down to our favourite bitch, variance, but looking at my Poker Tracker I don't seem to running insanely hot, rather just getting maximum value out of my hands and losing less when I lose. Reading blogs, books and forums I realised I was missing out on a lot of value by under betting my hands on most streets, especially the river, but I have altered my game somewhat and I'm so far reaping the benefits.

I put this down not only to the forums and blogs but to the fact I have really cut down my boozing and lifestyle changes. My old routine was to get home to the pub, have a couple of pints, go upstairs and get changed or whatever, crack open a can of cider and play poker whilst drinking. Drinking whilst playing poker is like drinking and playing pool. You get to a level where everything is great, you have that confidence where you're invincible but then it all goes tits up as you get pissed and I was getting pissed every night and not playing very well at all. Now I have a beer when I get home and that's it until I have something to eat later on in the evening and I'm seeing so much more at the tables. Also, a lot of my life stresses aren't bothering me as much anymore, they're still there and they eat at me but I can control them because I'm not depressing my brain with alcohol and other shit all the time. It's fucking great! I'm really looking forward to October and I'm hoping to play between 20-30k hands which if I 4 table on Full Tilt is around 3 hours per day. If I stick to my guns I fully expect to be bankrolled for NL50 by the end of October and I'm aiming for at least $500 profit and I should generate around $300 in rakeback too which would be fucking brilliant and might allow me to pay a bond on a flat and keep my bankroll almost untouched. Here's hoping!

I'll be playing tonight but only one table because Pudding Dad wants me to go through NL with him just to see the thinking behind certain hands and stuff. He's been playing a bit of FL but I'm trying to convince him to move over to the dark side and rinse some fish! I'm not expert but I can give him more than a few pointers and because he's an expert Bridge player he should pick it up pretty quickly I should imagine. So Pudding Mum is making my tea for me so I will be well fed then when she toddles off to work me and my Paw will be hitting the tables on my Full Tilt account so stay the fuck away Spunk Sock! Only downside is I'm going to miss Billy Piper looking smoking hot playing a tart in her new drama. She can't act for shit and looks a bit like a monkey but I definitely would especially when she's in her benders and all her get up. How the fuck Chris Evans rattled that I will never know. Oh I do, money!

I couldn't think of a picture to go with this post so Milla makes a return, the filthy bitch. I've also developed a thing again for Kelly Brook even though her chap is a big fucking puff so might have to add some pics of that tart too!

Thanks for checking in on this uber-confident Pudding! Updates on Pudding Dad and other shit tomorrow!

F.A.C.T

2007-09-27T09:19:00.000+01:00

Every now and again my fellow bloggers and I have the misfortune of coming across what can only be described as F.A.C.T. No it's not that advert you see at the cinema, the Federation Against Copyright Theft it is a new term I have coined and stands for Fucking Anonymous Cowardly Twats. As bloggers we've all encountered them at some stage either having read one of their comments on someone else's blog or having had one left about their own page. The serve no purpose but to put people down to try and big themselves up.

I remember a while ago when former blogger Micro Limit Donkey started getting anon comments on his blog telling him he was shit at poker and stuff like that. I mean what was the fucking point? Paul is a good lad and at that particular time his poker playing was still in it's infancy and when he blogged he asked questions so he could improve and when he had the knowledge and skills no doubt help others. Then some FACT comes along and shoots him down and makes him feel like shit. I, myself, had a load of them on my old blog, mainly after a post which some saw as racists. Rather than display their own names and blogs to slag me off and give an opinion they hid behind false names and Anon's. Why? Ask them. These people are the sort that you see twitching the curtains all night but only take any action if they themselves are directly affected. Scum in other words.

So why this post? Well sometimes people wind me up when they just go out on unprovoked attacks for no reason. They can say what they like to me as a general rule but when they start to piss of mates and family it gets my goat. Some total tool calling himself Chris T has for some reason started leaving comments on our very own Amafish's blog, calling him out for being arrogant amongst other shit. I mean this cunt, Chris Twat that is, doesn't seem to be able to comprehend that this is Amatay's writing style. He's never seemed arrogant once since I've read his blog or comments on other's blogs, just entertaining and a damn profitable poker player to boot and someone who is willing to help lesser players. This cock then comes along and berates him and then even starts on me telling me to get back to the micros and get some Prozac! LOL! I mean I've never once proclaimed my excellence in poker for a start and to start bringing mental health into it is bullshit Chris. It doesn't bother me as such but the fact you brought it up after someone was open and honest shows you for what you are. It could have cut deep to someone recovering from mental illness who isn't as strong but you didn't give a fuck.

So what makes Chris and his fellow FACTs tick? My first thought was lack of hugs as a kid but then I thought about it a bit more and it's probably too many hugs from that special uncle mum used to date, you know the one where they played "pin my tail in the Chrissy" and how you had "special secrets" and always had a faint smell of tuna about you? Or maybe how at school people laughed at your ill fitting clothes or the fact you were in the bottom set for subjects and were bullied or the fact that you know that absolutely nobody would bat an eyelid if you dropped dead right now, who would miss you honestly? A few of these are probably ringing true and you're sat there nodding to yourself, all alone where ever you are and no doubt you'll continue to leave acid comments on people's blogs.

Get a grip FACTs, the blogging community, for the whole, is a great thing to be a part of. Just accept that some people have an entertaining writing style and some are in it just for the laughs and shock horror, some people win decent cash playing poker on the same rigged software you play on. Rather be anon or semi=anon show us your blog addresses and let us judge your work.

That's all for now, rant over, DIAGF, GFY, GIFAFI etc etc

Poker Heaven? Poker Hell More Like!

2007-09-26T11:20:00.000+01:00

I decided to withdraw from Party Poker after seeing that I had paid almost $20 in rake after my 3k hands of NL5. This doesn't seem loads to an outsider but if I kept up the same rate of play in October I'd probably generate something like $100-150 of rake which with a 30% rakeback deal would be worth $30 to $50 which is pretty significant when my roll is only around $150! So I have waved goodbye to the uber-soft German opposition on Party, well until they at least offer me a reload bonus!

So that left me with a dilema of where to play. I wanted somewhere to play that had decent traffic (especially at the micros), was Poker Tracker compatible, could offer me a bonus, was easy to multitable and offered rakeback in some way, shape or form. I had a look at all the sites I have accounts with to see if I'd ever deposited with them or had rakeback etc. Here are the sites I have accounts with:

Absolute Poker - 30% Rakeback, never deposited
Betfair Poker - 30% Rakeback, never deposited
Bet on Bet Poker - 30% Rakeback, never deposited
Bodog Poker - 25% Rakeback, no current bonuses
CD Poker - 30% Rakeback, never deposited, rakeback may be invalid
DTD Poker - 30% Rakeback, no current bonuses, never deposited
Full Tilt Poker - 27% Rakeback, no current bonuses
Hollywood Poker - 30% Rakeback, can use points to buy bonuses
Mansion Poker - 36% Rakeback, never deposited
NoIQPoker - Loyalty bonus, cash for points, never deposited
Pacific Poker - No Rakeback, never deposited
Party Poker - No Rakeback, no current bonuses
Poker Heaven - 30% Rakeback, never deposited
Poker Stars - No Rakeback, $40 bonus pending
Sun Poker - 20-50% Rakeback, $100 bonus every month
Ultimate Bet - 30% Rakeback, approx $200 pending bonus dollars

Quite a few sites there, anyone would think I was addicted or something, LOL! Anyway, for some reason I decided to deposit at Poker Heaven, a Boss media skin, mainly due to the fact I fancied a change of scenery and wanted to play somewhere without the PAHUD infestation whilst collecting a bonus and earning rakeback. What a stupid fucking mistake that was! I shouldn't have bothered because I was already on life tilt when I came to re-install the software and make my deposit! Why life tilt? Well, I took the Landlord's car in the morning because I was running late and the weather was fucking dire, he'd said the night before I could borrow it so it wasn't a problem. Half way through the day I received a text asking me to pop to PC World and get some of that keyboard cleaning spray you can buy, no problem I thought, so when I finished work I drove down to PC World to see if I could find some. Now I must be a fucking retard for expecting a PC component store to sell products that clean your machine. Not even a fucking wet-wipe in sight! 20 minutes of storming around trying to find some cleaning materials and a member of staff proved fruitless and I was pissed off. My journey wasn't wasted though because I bought myself the new edition of Kaspersky Anti-Virus.

I bought Kaspersky because I'd heard great things about it and also because my Norton subscription ran out three days ago and I had no means to renew it online. I've never rated Norton so I didn't want to give them another £20 of my cash to subscribe for another year so I forked out an extra £10 for Kaspersky. Anyway, even this put me on deeper life tilt! I uninstalled Norton, restarted my machine and tried to install my new one. Computer says no. I try again and it tells me an installation is already in progress so I restart and try again. Computer says no. I try again and once more it tells me an installation is in progress so I restart for a 3rd time. I then try to call support but the lazy cunts go home at 1730 but they do have an online database to help you. Yes, I have no virus protection so I want to start surfing the net you pricks! Fuck me! Anyway it turns out that Kaspersky doesn't like Zone Alarm running when you install so I had to uninstall that, reboot, install Kaspersky, reboot for the 300th fucking time and all was ready to go. Or was it? It told me it wanted to do a full virus scan so I set it going whilst I shaved my head and had a shower. 2.75 hours passed and the cunt finished looking for beasties! I really need to lose some of the shit on my hard drive! So I was really fucked off at a night wasted doing nothing apart from answering some gay interview on my Facebook account (I'm becoming addicted to that!).

Back to poker. I reinstalled Poker Heaven and deposited to receive my 1st deposit bonus of 150% of the $150 I put on there. Deposit taken but no bonus in my pending account! TWAT! I fire up live help and get stuck talking to Demetrius who after 10 minutes tells me that this sometimes happens and to email them! Thanks mate. Despite my blood pressure being that of someone who's smoked 50 a day for 35 years I plod on and fire up 6 tables of full ring NL10, the smallest game they offer. First thing that strikes me is how slow it is so I check Poker Tracker to see how many hands per hour my 6 tables are logging. The answer? 134 hands per hour over all 6 tables or 22.33 hand per hour per table. Fucking hell! Pudding Jr could shuffle and deal quicker than that! There is no way I am losing EV by 6 tabling only to log 134 hands per hour! So after 15 minutes my flirt with Heaven was over and I went to cash out. First the cunts won't let me withdraw my cents then when the transaction goes through it tells me to expect to wait 1-4 days if they DON'T need any documents! Aaarrrggghhh, I can't take anymore of this shit! SO it looks like I'm pokerless until Monday, brilliant. Everytime I go on a bit of a heater something kicks me square in the bollocks!

Talking of bollocks I LOL'd at myself yesterday. I'd been having a bit of arse trouble due to some crazy pizza I had the night before and just before dinner I started getting a dull ache in my guts. Being a soldier I battled through for about an hour but it was getting worse and making me feel quite sick so I went to the bog to see if I needed another dump or to throw up! Turns out I had half strangled a plum in my undies and somehow not realised, LMFAO! A quick adjustment of my under carriage and all was right in the world again! Oh and just to put the icing on a fucking shit day I get a letter from my bank informing me that they are charging me £30 for going into the red by, listen to this, £0.30! Thirty fucking pence! I guarantee I will not be paying this anytime soon, especially as it is illegal for me to have an overdraft until January 2008 due to terms of my bankruptcy and they've effectively given me a £30 overdraft. Wankers! Going to phone them on my dinner which should mean my blood pressure will be back on the rise, can't wait!

Oh and I can't find my pen either and it's a fucking nice pen, £25 but still a damn nice pen. Thieving cunts! On a more positive note though check out Amafish's latest blog, pure comedy genius especially as it's going to end in tears and probably bloodshed! ***Grabs popcorn***

As always thanks for reading and best of luck avoiding life tilt, it's shit!

Big Shout Out To My Fellow Bloggers!

2007-09-24T12:48:00.000+01:00

When I first heard the term "blog" I wondered what the fuck it was all about. Then I found a couple of them and read through them and thought to myself what a total waste of time and gayness these things are. But then one day, for some unknown reason, I opened a blog of my own and started to document my poker progress, or lack of it, and also started to add other tit-bits in there and my blog grew and I attracted more readers and received more comments.

Over time it seems to me that the bloggers have really united and become a proper community. We give each other congratulations, commiserations, gee each other up and also argue sometimes but there is a definite sense of belonging. Anyone who read my old blog before it was hacked will know that the past few months have been very difficult for me due to women, money, mental health and housing problems which basically led to me drinking too much, smoking too much and doing the odd bit of drugs and feeling like shit about the whole world. My blog seemed to mirror my feelings and it was going down hill, into a pit of self pity and despair. Each day I'd be honest about how I was feeling and readers, especially regulars, would leave comments and give advice and it was much appreciated and taken on board even though sometimes it must have seemed like I wasn't taking any notice like our fellow crazy blogger BlueScouse seems to disregard anything we say to him!

Since my break to Lanzarote, where I had time to relax fully, reflect and make plans, I have been back to my normal self. I'm not feeling down at all, I'm stopping smoking (although yesterday was a bit of a lapse), my drinking has also been drastically reduced and there have been no pharmaceuticals consumed either! When I go to sleep I'm sleeping better and when it's time to get up I am up right away instead of feeling groggy and it's good. I've started to retake control of everything again and even started making plans for my future which before seemed pointless but now they are life challenges for me to achieve, which when I manage to do them I'll be able to look back and say "I did that" no matter how small they may seem to outsiders. I guess this seemingly pointless rant is a thanks to the online community which I belong to. I've only met one of you so far, Spunk Sock, but I'm certain the majority of us will meet up in the near future. Despite not meeting face to face I have had so many words of encouragement, advice and offers to talk to these faceless people it is untrue and these along with family support and lifestyle changes I have managed to get a grip of life again and get myself out of a hole. I still have lapses and bad days but don't we all eh?

So basically guys, thanks for standing by me and helping me out with words of advice and encouragement and never seemingly judging my actions. One day I'll be able to help you crazy bitches out too in some way shape or for and when we meet I'll get you a beer! To you Southern shandy drinking puffs like Jones and Cogs that means a real beer with a head on it that doesn't cost £4.85 for a half just so you know!

Days 1-2/88: Total Puddination!

2007-09-23T14:32:00.000+01:00

Watch out micro-stakes NL because Yorkshire Pudding is back and on top form! As you'll have read in my previous post I've decided to try take a paltry $88 and play full ring NLHE on Party Poker and see if I can get it to $888 in 88 days. Well if things continue as they are I should reach the $888 an awful lot sooner than I anticipated.

When the USA could play on Party is was a total fish tank but when they were basically banned everyone said the games had tightened up and were nowhere near as profitable. Well Party have done us Europeans a massive favour and taken the game of internet poker to Germany and Russia. No disrespect to any German readers but fuck me your fellow countrymen do not have a clue! Every table as at least 5 Germans prepared to go all-in with 2nd pair no kicker, it's fucking brilliant!

I started off by firing up 4 tables of the smallest NL games which have blinds of $0.02/$0.04 but you can buy-in for $5. I dropped about half a buy-in by being too aggressive and not paying attention but I soon got in the zone and even added another 2 tables for a total of 6, meaning I'm logging at least 300 hands per hour! To say the NL5 games are easy is the understatement of the month, just playing ABC TAG poker is enough to destroy these games. If I hadn't have got carried away with Queens and then again with the slags later in my session (both time vs KK) I'd have made a lot more money than I have! Saying that though I have played 1850 hands of NL5 and reaped $31.40 in profits with an earn rate of 21.22PTBB/100! I'm running at 19/9/2.6 which isn't too bad but is a small sample size really but my postional stats look to be pulling into line now with tight up front and looser nearer the button so I ampleased.

Because I hit the $120 mark I decided to swap a couple of NL5 tables for NL10 tables with the idea if I dropped a couple of buyins I'd drop back to playing only NL5 games. So far so good from the 247 hands I've logged as I've managed a small profit of just over one buy-in ($10.90) and I ffel very comfortable here. I played a bit looser on the NL10 tables because it seemed like everyone were rocks and I ran at 23/12/5 and played mainly small pots and took pots away on the turn and a couple of river bluffs! It's all gravy!

I'm starting my barshift in 10 minutes but I should be able to log an hour's worth of play when I am done with my new "not drinking as much" mentality and also because I have the poker bug and am finding it easy 6 tabling so I can actually log a decent amount of hands for a change! I'll be playing 3 tables of NL5 and 3 of NL10 until my roll hits the $200 mark although when it gets closer to $180 I might swap another NL5 table, but we'll see how I feel etc.

As always thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables. Spunk Sock, I'm gunning for you bitch!

Ring Games And Pizza And Dwarves...Oh My!

2007-09-21T11:31:00.000+01:00

I was so close to totally jacking in poker last night you wouldn't believe. I've hit a bad spell of variance and I'm managing to double the effects of running bad by playing like a cunt! I don't know what is the matter with me but I'm making some God awful decisions as of late and my confidence is shattered and I've lost all focus. Usually I'd laugh it off but despite normal life being pretty good at the minute, online life is fucking wank.

I entered the $15k Guaranteed on Stars last night along with Amafish and Cogsgoigne from Raise The River. It has 10 minute blinds and is only $11 to enter so thought why not, as did 2060 odd other fish. Nothing much happened but I caught a few hands and somehow managed to get up to around 3k with blinds at 25/50. I then made a play which cost me nearly all my chips. A donk open min-raises in MP1 and I look down at 66 and decide to raise things up to 300, planning to c-bet or come over the top on most flops representing a big pair, all fold to MP1 who calls. Flop come Ad4s3s. Villain checks and I bet 500 into a 675 pot. Villain then pushes for 1965 meaning it costs me 1465 to call giving me more than 2/1. I know he hasn't got an ace, I just know from watching him he's doing this with some sort of draw maybe even something like 55 (he was a donk) and I call. He shows KsTs and I'm ahead but a dog in the hand. Turn is a slag of diamonds giving him about a million outs and of course the river brings the Jack of spades to complete his flush but also a straight for good measure! I managed to then double up with AJ vs A7 in a BvB battle and I hung around for a while before pushing 77 UTG with an M of 7 into AdJd. Obviously he flops a fish hook and turns a flush just to really fucking rub it in! I finish 893 from about 2070. Cunt.

Cell was railing and couldn't believe some of the hands. AT beating AA by rivering a boat. 76 flopping trips then turning a straight and filling up on the river! My 66 hand above. In one hand I folded KQs to a raise and re-raise and the fucking flop comes KKQ! Stars was certainly on top form last night! I'm not saying it's rigged but I can see why people would think it is! I also played like a total wanker in a 4/180 and came 53rd. Like I mentioned in my opening paragraph I am running bad but I'm also making bad decisions. An example is the 66 hand. It was correct in that I was ahead when the money went in but I was a dog by the river. I was that pissed off with myself that I even sat at a couple of fixed limit table for about 20 hands but realised why I stopped playing it! I need to get a grip, get back to basics and get back on track and start a fresh challenge.

Our Oriental cousins love the number 8. It is considered lucky and right now I need some luck! So I am going to start a challenge for myself that shouldn't be overly difficult but at the same time satisfying! I'm going to start with $88 and try to turn that into $888 in 88 days! Now if that doesn't bring me some fucking luck I don't know what will! LMAO! All those snowmen have got to help me haven't they? I'm also probably going to do this on Party Poker and be a stalker to Spunk Sock and Amatay, the main reason being is they run full ring NL4 which means I'll have a healthy 22 buyins to start off with rather than risking going busto from the off and playing scared with what would be 8 buyins at NL10. I might start to take a shot at NL10 once I am up to $120 but if I drop a couple of buyins then I'll come back down to NL4 and rebuild. I'm also only going to play 1 table initially so that I can get back into the grove but I imagine I'll be playing at least 4 table by the end of next week. I've always ran like shit on Party so let's hope that changes!

In other news, it seems like God has let all the really annoying people out at once to follow me around on public transport. Sat on the bus last night there were two girls talking rather loudly about total fucking tripe. I was flicking through HOH2 when I heard them start to talk about titties and how this lass went for her jugs measuring and she thought she was a D but really she's an F and that the woman measuring her couldn't keep her eyes of her chebs. Obviously I had to check out this amazing rack so cunningly sat almost side saddle on the seat only to be greeted with something from Beauty and the Geek talking to fucking Shrek! God she was awful. Yeah she might have had huge tits but that's because you love cake my darling and the bull dyke measure your baps will be the only fucker who wants to see them so get over yourself!

As always though God's own city of Leeds cheered me up by delivering me a dwarf! But not just any dwarf, a black dwarf! I've never seen one before and was pretty amazed I'd seen one, they must be rare, like white dog shit! Anyway I watched his little legs go like bees wings as he tried to carry his body sized rucksack through the bustling crowds and it made me think. Do dwarves have normal sized cocks? How great would it be if you were a dwarf and had a normal sized knob! This got me thinking about dwarf porn and Bridget The Midget in particular and I decided I probably couldn't fuck her but I might let her suck me off! Actually nah, thinking about it now I probably could nail it if I am honest! I think I need to do some internet research later and report my findings! I've added a poll underneath my blogroll to see what my readers think.

My arse has been owned by a pizza! Yes a pizza, the shit the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles eat. I thought it would be a good idea to get a "Spicy Meat Ball" pizza for supper, I'd had them before and they were a bit pokey but nothing crazy. Well the cunts must have changed chefs and employed a sadistic bastard! He's replaced the tomato puree with lava, the spicy meat balls with fireballs and the normal green peppers for fucking Jalapenos! I had horrific wind on the way into work today but have relieved that by firing out what felt like 3.5kg of chopped liver out of my arse followed by two pisses, also out of my arse. I daren't fart and my mudhole feels like it is gaping like a heavily pummelled pornstar's would an hour later. Nice pizza but never again!

Well that's all for now folks. I hope you have a great weekend despite the fact it is pissing it down right now and I wish you the best of luck at the tables!

Too Much Pressure?

2007-09-20T15:37:00.000+01:00

Writer's block is fucking awful. It's the equivalent of wanker's cramp for a 14 year old lad, it just doesn't bear thinking about, but I have it right now so like wanker's cramp I must battle through it to become stronger! I never pre-write my entries on here, instead I choose to just start writing and see what comes out, that way I feel like the represent me more because they are natural and not forced or trying too hard to be funny or sad or whatever but sometimes, for whatever reasons, it doesn't work and it frustrates the hell out of me. I've started this blog post 7 times so far and each time it has been deleted because it doesn't feel or sound right, even this is fucking dire but it's staying in as today's entry! I feel like an impotent man who wants to fuck his wife so badly but his cock is looking at his shoes! Hopefully this will pass and we'll be back on track tomorrow or maybe tonight.

I'm at a crossroads with my online poker at the minute and although I still love playing I'm finding it hard to motivate myself to play my primary game of ring games and I'm not sure if I have the time for MTT's right now so I don't know what the immediate future holds for me. I'm not about to give it up but I need to have a think about what my actual goals are and how realistic these goals are and how I am going to go about hitting them. My break abroad helped me sort my head with regards to my life etc but it has seriously fucked my game up somewhere along the way! Maybe I need to be fucked up mentally to be profitable? I think to be honest things will be better on Tuesday when I get paid because I am seriously skint at the minute (got £30 left) and I'm still unaware of what is happening with the housing situation because the brewery hasn't given the landlord a date to fuck off but it is just a matter of time so that is in the back of my mind I guess although I'm not really let it bother me at present. I'm also semi-worried that there are only 4 paydays until Christmas and with me 100% certain moving by then and needing house stuff I'm not going to be able to afford to save much cash for Pudding Jr's presents never mind anyone elses.

I think overall I'm just putting a bit too much pressure on myself to perform on the poker scene to make up the shortfall in my money! I can deal with the other shit now without too much effort but I've always worried about cash, doesn't everyone? I've started looking at poker again as money and I'm looking at the first place of a 4/180 as just $216 and not the glory if you like of winning. When I came second the other month I won $144 which was nice but I was gutted that I hadn't won, I need to get that will to win back from somewhere, hopefully it'll come back tonight when I play some 4/180's and maybe some $1 and $2 MTT's. I want to get back to playing because I want to win and think of the money as a bonus not all there is to play for.

On a brighter note I've realised I really miss tits and the nipple in particular. People always ask me if I'm a breast, leg or arse man and I'm none, I guess I like everything but the last couple of days I can't stop looking at women's jugs! There are loads of low cut blouses at work and on the way home on the bus lately and I can't help letching like a right old perv. Usually one either side does me fine but I'd just love to have a play with some for half hour and give them a bite and whatever just for the sake of it. One problem with me thinking more straight and stopping smoking and cutting down booze is my sex drive starts to go a bit crazy which is fucking shit when you're skint and single. Maybe I should advertise for a fuck buddy, LMAO! Well I have started networking on my new FaceBook!

Oh and come back Kenn you fucking big fish. Your blog has been deleted so I will have to find another way to stalk you and spreasd my man love.

Thanks for reading guys and good luck at the tables.

Another Small Cash And Some Heads Up!

2007-09-19T15:11:00.000+01:00

I'm feeling more confident about my 180 man MTT game lately and with every game I complete I feel I'm becoming stronger. I'm still making quite a few mistakes don't get me wrong but I think I am learning from them and hopefully I'll stop making as many sooner rather than later. I honestly feel that I only need a few more tweaks to my game to take things to the next level and start actually winning or going deep in some micro and small stakes MTT's. I don't think I am doing too badly considering I've not even played 40 of these things!

I played in two 4/180's last night with Spunk Sock outlasting him by finishing 70th (LOL!) and 18th with the top 18 being paid. I'm a bit pissed off with myself because I was again a decent chip leader with only 30 remaining and then the wheels fell off. I lost a decent amount of chips when I checked in the BB with 72o, the Hammer! Flop comes A42 with two spade and I bet about half the pot and am called. Turn is a blank and we both check and the river brings the 3 spade and I bet 2/3 pot and villain calls with 44 for a flopped set. I then lost some more chips when I was priced in to call a shorties push after I raised 1st in with T9s and he had KQ and I couldn't hit and by the time the 2nd break came I was 12/22 with a 9.7k stack but blinds of 300/600/50a. Almost immediately after the break the bubble burst and I managed to cash but I opened pushed 62o on the button and the BB woke up with KK. Now the guys at RTR didn't like this shove but I saw it as an opportunity to gather 1350 chips and give myself another orbit for free. Now if BB doesn't wake up with Cowboys then this hand never gets posted. I'd been card dead for an age and stupidly let myself get blinded down and I don't think the blinds are calling without monsters. Bad timing I think, maybe I could have hung on another couple of hands but I made the play and it didn't work.

I'm going deep pretty regularly in these I just need to focus towards the end and start to make my cashes count as the payout is pathetic before the final table and even then it's not exactly cracking until the final three places. Something for me to work on over the next few days. I might even hit one tonight after work because we've been shutting around 2230 recently so would be settled upstairs for about midnight so even final tabling one of these bitches would only take me to 0300 and give me 4.5 hours sleep! Now I'm not smoking and the drinking has calmed down I am sleeping really well and finding it easier to get up on a morning.

Dear Yorksh1rePud,

You finished the tournament in 18th place.
A $8.64 award has been credited to your Real Money account.

You earned 51.49 tournament leader points in this tournament.
For information about our tournament leader board, see our web site at
http://www.pokerstars.com/tlb_tournament_rankings.html

Congratulations!
Thank you for participating.

I decided to try play some full ring cash games last night and managed to get stacked 2nd hand in! I had Th8h in the SB and 4 of us saw a beautiful flop of TT8, the money went in and villain has QQ of course the turn brings a fucking slag and it's good by 100BB and fuck you cash. I just can't get into the cash mindset at all lately which is a shame as it's usually my most profitable game! Since cash games suck big donkey dick I had the bright idea to fire up some $2.20 HUSNG for a change of pace and being the self proclaimed HU God I managed to win 3 games in a row by being super and awesome! I actually enjoy the HUSNG but really need to do some studying of them but first impressions are they could be quite profitable because the villains are just so aggro it is untrue and most games are over in less than 10 minutes! Well see how they go anyway, I'll probably get fed up pretty quickly as I do with everything!

Worst of all fucking SpunkSock is flopping quads and sets at an alarming rate and is really tearing up the tables the fucker and is leaving me for dead in the race to $5k! I'm thinking of taking a week off to hammer the fuck out of the tables just to draw level because I did have 5 days where I couldn't play, plus 2 before I got my loan for $50 on Stars and that cunt plays during the day I don't care what he tells you! I'll catch you mate don't worry and I'll let you know my very sad roll at the beginning of next week!

You're probably wondering why my beautiful Milla Jovovich has made an appearance again on my blog and there is no reason apart from she looks gorgeous and I couldn't find a suitable picture to head my post! Oh she was on the box too last night in 5th Element but I couldn't be arsed watching it all the way through though I did get to see her tits which is always a pleasure and never a chore!

Not much play planned for tonight because it is my barshift as previously mentioned. If I have time after my shit, wank, shower and shave I might hit a couple of HUSNG but if not and I feel ok when I've finished I might hit a 4/180 or see if there are any micro donkaments starting!

Thanks for reading and good luck at the tables, unless you're Spunk Sock!

I've Fucked Your Mum!

2007-09-19T10:34:00.000+01:00

I'm sure the vast majority of my male readers have either said, or had said to them, the title of this post in one guise or another. It's one of those slurs which always makes me laugh inside. It's like my mum is 46, you're what mate about 22? That's a pretty fucking good result for my mum I'd say! A more popular version on the continent is telling someone you've shagged their sister or that she's a whore but make sure you don't say it to Zinedine Zidane as the crazy French bastard will probably slap the nut on you!

So why has Pudding started a post about faunicating with mothers? I know I'm a sick puppy but there is a story behind this and it's almost genius! Yesterday a new lad was shown around, he's about 16-18, fresh faced straight from school. For some reason I seemed to recognise him but thought nothing more of it because I always seem to remember people's faces and I'm always thinking I know someone when I don't. Anyway he gets introduced and I get asked if I'll "buddy" him meaning I go to lunch with him so he's not on his own. No problems on that front and off he toddles to be introduced to the other departments he'll be working with.

Then comes hometime, I've made it through another day! I'm walking down the stairs with new lad just chatting bollocks and it turns out he lives in Hunslet. Well I lived in Hunslet and the surrounding areas for about 10 years and worked in various pubs whilst there so I say to him that I probably know his mum or dad. He tells me he doesn't see his dad but I could know his mum because she used to go out drinking in Hunslet when he was a kid. Anyway, this car pulls up and I look at the driver and I get a flash back to a house party from when I was 18-20 and ended up shagging this 34 year old woman. Upon closer inspection and more recollecting I realise that this driver is the woman who sampled Pud's Pork all those years ago! LOLZ! Then to my horror the new kid jumps in the car and tells me he'll see me tomorrow! LMFAO! I've literally fucked his mum!

I was like a big kid on the bus and train on the way home because I found it funny that I'd fucked the new lad's mum! I'd totally forgotten about her too, maybe as a self defence thing but I obviously had to dig deep and take one for the team so I could report it to you guys! I remember when I first started working in a club in Hunslet that this woman used to come in who was quite foxy. She was average height, always had nice hair and clothes, was carrying a few pounds but she was by no means fat and had tits to die for. I was 18-20 and she was about 32-35 and I always used to joke with the other bar staff that I was going to get a jump off her. One day one of the customers asked me if I wanted to go to a house party after work because there would be a few lasses there, plenty of booze and some Columbian Marching Powder. This was back in the day when I was into my drugs, recreationally, and partying all the time. I of course accepted the invitation and met him at the party when I'd finished my shift.

When I arrived the woman who opened the door was the "older woman" from the club! LOL! She invited me in, got me a drink, made small talk etc and the party was going ok. The beer flowed, the drugs disappeared and inhibitions were being lost as you can imagine. My mate, who is in his 30's, said he'd only come round so he could bang this woman and I said to him I could have her in a heartbeat if I wanted. The night went on and gradually everyone left and there was just me and my mate and this woman so I made my move! I just said something like "I'm knackered and off to get in your bed. I'd like some company so don't be long" or something cheesy as fuck like that and I went upstairs and got in bed. 10 minutes later I hear the front door semi-slam and the locks turn and my mate outside shouting "Matt you cunt I'll kill you!" Hahaha! She'd blown him out to "keep me company". I'll admit I was pretty nervous as I'd only lost my cherry at 17 and had only been with a couple of birds but was obviously looking forward to a rumble off my tits and I couldn't wait to unleash those crazy titties!

Well I wish I hadn't had bothered! As soon as her bra came off I remembered the story she's told me about how she used to be right fat and had lost loads of weight and how she had 3 kids but I wasn't overly paying attention! I should have done because those pert melons all of a sudden turned into what can only be described as a pair of tights with an orange in the end! Where the fuck did they go? Damn you Wonderbra you lying bastard! Being a soldier I battled on and I ended up going down on her. I love licking minge, I'm like a little Chiauaua lapping away, it's fucking brilliant! No horror stories at this end, nicely trimmed, didn't reek of Grimsby although by the time she came not only did I have a damp face but wet fucking chest too! LOL! Obviously she was well chuffed some young buck and muffed her out so wanted let me get my leg over so being the kind gentleman I am I obliged, well I think I did! Now I never shout the odds about my cock. It's Joe Average. It's a cock. But fuck me I have never put it anywhere so cavernous in my whole life, before then or after! I mean I know she was wet, soaked more like it, but it was like having a wank in a wind sock! With every thrust it seemed like there was a balloon inside inflating more and more each time as I pounded into a warm, empty vacuum. I mean I know she'd had 3 sprogs but do your pelvic floor exercises for fuck sake not only for roompage but because it helps later in life! I eventually shot my load (this was in the days when I was pretty goot at ze fucking game) and we fell asleep. I got more grief than you could believe for that night, especially as one of the other customers was apparently shagging her too on the side from his missus! I remember her being a mini stalker for a few weeks asking me if I'd take her out and stuff but always made excuses not to and eventually changed my number!

I'm obviously not going to say anything to him about it because he'll get slaughtered for it, plus he might smash my face in and also because I work with 5 women so this story wouldn't be funny to them but it should be fun being his "buddy" for a week or so! I'll take him under my wing and train him to be ready for one of life's treats, The MILF!

Just One Of Those Days

2007-09-18T12:53:00.000+01:00

Do you ever have one of those days where whatever you touch turns to shit or where everyone and everything just annoys the fuck out of you for seemingly no reason whatsoever? Well yesterday was one of those days. I don't think stopping smoking helped at all to be honest because there were about 25 different people yesterday I could quite easily have covered in grease and set alight, even the actual bus I got on to come home from work pissed me off because the fucker vibrated like a turbo charged Rampant Rabbit on steroids! I swear my fillings nearly came out from all the shaking!

By the time I got home I was dying for a smoke but was a good boy and decided not to give in to temptation after putting myself through a day of hell, why make it worse tomorrow eh? I had planned to jump straight onto a couple of 4/180 games but forgot that I had agreed to drop the pub DJ's hard drive off for him in Wakefield so I had to drive there, in rush hour traffic, which tested my will power because I always smoked in the car, especially in traffic! Anyways, I got back home, had a pint of lager, a shite and logged onto Stars to register for some of the 4/180's and win myself some dough! The problem is with poker, is that in general you actually have to play well in order to win. I wish someone would have reminded me of that fact because I played like shite!

I registered for two games and noticed that the shark known as Kenn had logged onto MSN so I had a wee chat with him and it turned out he was in the same 2 games as me, could it be a Raise The River first and second finish? Nah! I think Kenn busted pretty early in one and I didn't fair too well busting in 118th after I called a min raise with KcQc and ended up getting it all in on the turn on a king high board and couldn't suck out against a slow played AK. I fired another up and never got above my starting stack at any stage and busted around 50th. Meanwhile I was doing pretty good in one of the games I fired up at the beginning of my session.

I'd been playing pretty tight but seemed to be picking up hands at the right time and I was sitting with an above average stack at the first break and feeling very comfortable. Not long after play resumed I made a horrible play with 99 and managed to get Stars to save me on the river. I raised 1st in on the CO and the BB called. Flop was something like 864 with 2 clubs. Turn was 5c I think and somehow the money went in and villain shows 64. River is an 8 and I get a decent stack for my donkey play! Amatay wasn't impressed on MSN. I then took the chip lead after some donk loved his JJ enough to 4 bet me AIPF and my Rockets held but then I went card dead and mistimed a couple of steals and at the 2nd break I was sat 6/23 but still in very good shape. Then this hand, sponsored by KJ Jelly, fucked me dry from behind! I'd been in a couple of pots since the restart and was delighted to see AA! I made my standard raise and a fellow big stack raised enough to put me all-in. Obviously everyone folded and I called with my rockets and he shows JJ and I'm an 80/20 for a big chip lead with only 21 players remaining so another final table beckons. Well it did until the cunt caught running cards and rivered a fucking straight. Flop 738. Turn T. River a fucking Neuf. Jesus Christ! I can't fault his play nor can I moan really because if I hadn't have sucked out early doors I wouldn't have been this deep but to go out to running cards is awful. I fired another game up when I went to bed but I was more tired than I thought and ended up turning my laptop off after the first break because I was falling asleep so I'm not sure where I finished in that one but there were only 70 or so left in that particular game when I went to sleep!

So my ROI has dropped to around 35% from 33 games which is shit but also a meaningless sample size. I'm determined to get this to at least 100% because I feel very comfortable playing them, I just need to log some volume. Full Tilt are still dragging their feet with regards to my withdrawal and have now taken to ignoring my emails too the twats. I'm pissed off about this because a mate transferred me $50 so I could play over last weekend and I promised him it back in "a couple of days" but the wankers still haven't transferred me anything to Neteller so I only have 7 buy-ins on Stars at the minute so hopefully I'll be able to go deep tonight and replenish my roll again and repay my mate! I should be on there about half six to seven should anybody wish to join a couple and give each other some railage.

I was meant to be going to see a flat tonight after work but they've phoned me to tell me that the guy who was going to show me around is poorly so I need to make another appointment. Problem is they don't do weekends and they close at five so how the fuck I'm meant to sort somewhere is beyond me! I'm a bit stressed about this because I've worked out I'm going to have about £550 left this month once my bills come out which is nowhere near enough to hire a van, pay a bond and a month's rent and bills so I'm a bit fucked really. Looks like I better get asking people to borrow their sofa for a couple of weeks and save some wonga up! Why do I always blow my money on shite and leave things until the last minute every single time? Cos you're a cunt Pud, sort it out!

Still no fags smoked although today feels worse than yesterday, I actually feel anxious which is fucking shit I can tell you. It should all calm down again by the end of the week, just in time for the weekend! Great! Thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables!

Stopping Smoking Blows Dead Bears!

2007-09-17T15:09:00.000+01:00

So I decided to stop smoking again over the weekend and I had my last fag at about 2355 last night. I stopped about 5 years ago when Pud Jr's mum fell pregnant with Pud Jr and I didn't smoke again until he was about 2 years old. I then stopped again when I was with former Mrs P, even though she still smoked, but for some reason I started smoking again and I've been smoking every since. Why have I decided to stop? Well I want to be more healthy physically to aid me mentally plus most of my family die from heart disease or cancer so I'm bound to get cancer of the heart at some point so I might as well lower my chances of developing something nasty!

The last times I quit were dead easy but for some reason today I am really irritable and could kill some cunt I tell you! It says that 20 minutes after your last smoke your blood pressure returns to normal. The lying bastards! I can tell you 14 hours after your last fag your blood boils and its pressure is through the roof! 8 hours after your last fag your blood oxygen levels improve and your chances of having heart attack fall but the chances of you smashing someone in the mouth for just looking at you increase by about 3.5x. I can't wait for another 10 hours when all the Carbon Monoxide leaves my body and apparently my lungs start to clear out mucus and debris. It'll be even better the day after when my sense of smell and taste improve so not only will I be coughing up phlegm and shite from my lungs all day I'll be able to taste it better and smell it too. Can't fucking wait! I don't remember it being this hard before but I'm determined to stop especially as the wank weather will be here soon and with smokers now being social outcasts and forced outside to face the elements!

I had Pudding Jr over the weekend and was pissed off to find out that he started school and his fucking mother didn't tell me. I'd have loved to have been there for his first day of school but the psychotic whore kept me in the dark about it. Slag! I had a right moan at her the other week because she's lazy with him sometimes and even though he's 4 she was putting a nappy on him for bed and giving him milk from a feeder bottle. I told her this was bollocks and that he'll never be able to stop at schoolmates houses as they'd rip the piss out of him and she seems to have taken note as he slept in my bed with me without even asking for any milk and was dry in the morning. Mattress and bedsheets 1, Pudding Jr 0! We had a good time together and he wouldn't stop kissing me the soppy little get! Making the most of it though because now he's at school he'll want less and less of me.

Anyway, about 30 minutes before closing on Sunday a woman and 3 lasses walked in and ordered some beers and I knew one of them so greeted her by saying "What you drinking bitch?" and we had a natter. When they left one of the lasses has lost her phone so was looking for it and just came out and said "You've got gorgeous eyes. They are dead sexy!". Well they are pretty fucking nice if I may say so myself and women love them! Anyway I said nothing and just smiled then after she found her phone she gave me her number and said "I'll be seeing you again sexy eyes", gave me a peck on the cheek and walked out! LOL! Of course I stored the number as you never know when the presence of Pud's pork will be requested! Not heard fromthem since, probably never will!

Former Mrs P and I are getting on well again which is always good. There are still a lot of feelings flying around and I think there is still some chemistry there too which is always nice. We we chatting at silly O'Clock on Sunday morning and we were laughing out heads off at the shite we were coming out with. She's a crazy bitch and has got more and more sarcastic and quick witted but then again she has learned from the master, aka Me, although she argues it's from her dad she gets it from! Whenever we are getting on my poker playing improves, it's weird! If ever I make it to the WSOP then I'll have to take her with me as a good luck charm!

Speaking of poker, I have played fuck all, not a single hand, mainly due to Full Tilt being wank and taking forever with my withdrawal. Thankfully I have been given a $50 loan until this clears so I should be able to play tonight. Part of the terms of the loan, which I stipulated, were I played 4 games of 4/180's on Stars and I promised 15% of my action from these 4 games. So if by some major miracle I won all 4, my loan guy would receive $179.96 back for his $50! Would be nice! I'm going to play these games tonight and I can't wait to hit the table with my new attitude and without being fuelled on ale! I have to go drop an external hard drive off in Wakefield when I get back to the pub from work but I should be logging on about half seven or something like that if you wanna say hi or sign up for a couple of games. I'm looking forward to hitting the tables, well I say that now but will probably want to kill someone about half an hour into them!

Two big congrats. First to Annette_15 who has been killing online this year but has just won £1m and a bracelet for taking down the WSOPE in London aged just 18. It's great for poker if it attracts some new, fresh fillies into the game! Also, congrats to UkGatsby who went real deep in Event 5 of the WCOOP on Stars for a $10.7k score. Nice work mate!

That's all for now. Some proper poker content should appear tomorrow if I manage to play 4 games tonight! Take care all.

5 Days And Still Waiting

2007-09-17T11:51:00.000+01:00

Fuck Full Tilt! I requested a withdrawal to Neteller on Wednesday the 12th and it still hasn't been approved yet! I sent them an email asking WTF is going on and their shitty generic response told me that they were busy because they were processing a higher volume of withdrawals at present. Yeah, people probably withdrawing for the Stars reload bonus so Full Tilt drag their feet. I hope they have a better withdrawal method when they're shagging otherwise there'll be tons of FT employees up the duff!

Give me my fucking cash you twats!

Cash Is Dead! Long Live MTT's!

2007-09-15T14:05:00.000+01:00

I've decided to stop grinding the cash games because I just cannot motivate myself to play them for some reason despite already making $100 this month. Since I've come back from my mini holiday I've hardly played a hand of poker and when I have I've ended up only playing 25 minutes or so where before I'd log 2-3 hour sessions. I can't put my finger on a particular reason, maybe it's because they're not exciting enough for me! With that in mind I've decided to hit the $4.40 180 man games over on PokerStars.

This morning, whilst Pudding Jr was having some breakfast I went through all the MTT's that I have played so far this year. I've mentioned before that as a general rule I've only ever entered MTT's when pissed or sometimes tilting because I know I can only lose a set amount of money by playing bad. More recently though I've been researching MTT's and have discovered how profitable they can be, especially at the lower stakes. I counted every MTT that I had entered on Full Tilt and PokerStars that had 90 or more people in and I was shocked to see I have only played 53 games. Some guys play this over 2 days because of the variance involved in these things.

Out of these 53 games I hit the money 15.09% of the time but my ROI is -16.69% meaning I've made a loss of $43.92 this year from MTT's. My average finish is 130/348 and I lose on average $0.83 per game so basically I am losing but almost break even. However, if I only take the 180 man games into consideration I have played 29, finish ITM 20.69% of the time with an ROI of 54.61% and a profit of $69.68. My average finish in these is 55/180 which means I make around $2.40 per tournament entered. I mean these figures are nothing to write home about but profit is profit and these figures also include when I first started out with the 180's where I failed to cash 7 games in a row and also another spell of not cashing for 8 straight games which happened a couple of months ago!

So once I have finished my barshift tonight I am going to fire up a couple of these, maybe 4, and hope to improve on these figures and get much closer to a 100% ROI and start to make this bitch we call poker start to pay!

Regaining Control

2007-09-13T13:23:00.000+01:00

Don't worry this isn't going to be a tale of woe and misery from Pudding but as this blog serves as a life diary as well as a poker one I thought I'd share my thoughts with you. Last night, for reasons unknown to me, I decided to take responsibility and retake control of my life and the actions I perform on a daily basis. I don't know what it was but it was like a lightswitch being flicked inside my head and something told me to get a grip and sort myself out!

Here's a bit of background. I left school when I was nearly 17 after dropping out of the 6th form half way through the second term basically because I couldn't be arsed with the daily grind of studying anymore. I did pretty well in my GCSE's obtaining 6xA's, 2xB's and 2xC's and was estimated 3xA's in my A-level subjects of Biology, Chemistry and Maths. See all this fucking about and talking wank on my blog bet you thought I was a bit of a retard?! LOL! I am naturally academic and never once revised or even tried hard at school. In every job I've done since leaving school I've learned the systems and procedures inside out within a month at the latest which is why I get bored very easily then get into trouble, probably because I don't find things challenging enough. A major downside to all this is I have become lazy. I literally could be anything I wanted in life but I just can't be arsed doing anything!The same goes for women too which is a pain and probably why I am single right now! After the chase and the impressing stage I seem to lose interest in them. It's not like I don't care for them or love them I just find it hard to keep that interest there all the time and fall into routines.

About five years ago I was booking a 2 week all inclusive holiday at Vilu Reef in the Maldives which was going to be paid for in cash. I had two cars, a motorbike, was in the process of buying my own house and only a little bit of debt. I was also making moves into studying for an accountancy qualification and a business studies degree. Then Pudding Jr came along. Now I don't blame him in the slightest but it changed everything totally in my life and at 21 years old, having done all the above it sent me into a spin. I couldn't handle the pressures I don't think. Things that Pudding's mum did or didn't do that I just brushed off under normal circumstances suddenly became cancers in our relationship. I started to detest her and everything about her and eventually ended up kind of cheating on her with a workmate. I didn't feel guilt at all, in fact I wanted to do it again so I decided to end the relationship before she totally hated me and also because I didn't want Jr bringing up in that environment. That's when the wheels fell off!

The debts were in my name despite being gained using both our wages and when we sold the house the profits only just covered these and the legal costs. It didn't help that for 6 months I paid half the mortgage and all the bills so she could live there with my son whilst I stopped in hotels, B&B's and friends and family's houses. Then Jr's mum was an arse about seeing him so I ended up getting a bunch of solicitor fees trying to gain proper access to him which didn't help. I started buying clothes on my credit card and drinking quite a bit and smoking and spending a load on diesel travelling to see friends I'd not seen for ages. I then started seeing former Mrs P and we stopped in hotels loads of times at £60 odd a time and going out on our credit cards, racking up bills on the piss and stuff. When I realised I was in a financial mess I tried to get a consolidation loan which was accepted but another company promised me a cheaper rate and when I applied for that they fucking turned me down and the other offer was withdrawn! Because of applying for credit loads of times I was almost blacklisted and my monthly bills were almost my entire wage and I was in shit street. The bankruptcy finally took place in April 06 and former Mrs P and I didn't last much longer after that and we split and got back together before finally splitting for good again. I started taking pills and coke at an alarming rate along with getting pissed all the time and spending money like it was water because I didn't care, I was in self destruct mode with no money, little in the way of possessions and no partner either.

A few months ago I had a big drugs binge and ended up a bit of a mess and chewing the ear of former Mrs P and she probably thought I was a right twat. With all the above, combined with the reality of what I had wasted, being almost homeless and the stress of the current goings on with potential Mrs P I'd reached breaking point. I was in trouble at work and I spent most of my waking day thinking and over thinking situations and getting myself in a real mess. I was then diagnosed with Pure-O OCD and I decided something needed to be done. I stopped taking any pharmaceuticals and didn't touch anything for 10 weeks but I was still drinking an average of 5-6 pints of cider a day, often alone upstairs playing poker. Then a couple of weeks ago I had an E and it sent me over the edge and I was uber-emotional via text with my mum and I realised something needed to be done in my life. The holiday came at a great time and it really sorted me out, giving me time to think clearly and set myself some goals and try get some stability, which I need otherwise I go off the rails.

That brings us up to now or their abouts. I've always worried about "what if" and have often just drifted around worrying about the worse case scenarios of situations and trying to control things I couldn't. Amatay's comments yesterday where he said his former tutor told him to control the controllables and basically let everything else sort itself out struck a cord. There is no need for me to stress about certain things, namely potential Mrs P situation, because I have doe what I can now and have no control at all over what she decides to do. What I can control is what I do and put into my body and sort myself education and job wise. I've always drunk a lot and that's not likely to change but since coming back to England at 0300 on Tuesday morning I have consumed the total of 5 pints and that includes working behind the bar last night whilst the football is on. I've not bought any cans and haven't missed having more than one beer when I finish work. I've been smoking a lot but I have decided that once my duty free fags run out, I have 60 left, I'm going to try and quit the evil weed again because although I like a smoke my family tree filled with heart disease and cancer tells me I shouldn't! I'm going to really push to get an apartment and build myself a base from which I can rise from again and get back on track. Once there I am going to eat a lot more healthily and try to get back to the gym and may even ask Amafish for some pointers with him being a sport science genius!

Job wise I'm not going to do this for the rest of my life and it's unlikely poker is going to fund anything major so I need to educate myself further and give myself a fighting chance. I can't, by law, study for any financial qualifications due to my bankruptcy but I can study a degree for free so I'm going to look into that once I am settled, possibly business or Psychology. I'm going to combine that with learning a new language, probably Spanish, as these open doors wherever you go plus I pick up new languages very easily. I'm going to try start some sort of savings fund and a pension too and take control over my future rather than just hope something sorts itself out when I'm old and wrinkly. Basically I'm going to sort my fucking life out! I'm thinking much clearer now and am slowly getting back to my old self, I keep having slip up by worrying about stuff but I'm also taking control of that too. I've asked potential Mrs P to write me a letter with how she feels and what she wants to happen and if it becomes a Dear John letter then so be it, it wasn't meant be. It'd be a crying shame and I'd be gutted but I'd get over it, I always do plus I can finally get on with my life and make plans without her etc.

I don't let people push me around and dictate what I can and can't do when I play poker so why should I in my real life? It's going to be a very testing time over the next month or so with the house move and the finale of the potential Mrs P saga but slowly but surely I am going to pick myself up and start to retake control over my life and start to make some progress rather than sitting in my hole feeling sorry for myself! You don't get anything in this world for nothing and it's rare that opportunities and the like fall into your lap. It's time to start making things happen.

Well done for getting this far! Sorry if it seems like a rant or whatever but this is my place to talk, even if it is only to myself!

Thanks for reading and best of luck in life! Pudding is back!

SnGays And Poorly Poker Tracker

2007-09-12T12:43:00.000+01:00

Well I am well and truly settled back into the English way of life after only coming back from my break about 36 hours ago! It's amazing how you just slot right in as if you've never been away! The only real problem I had was keeping warm so I wore my hoodie most of the day because I was chilly despite it being pretty nice yesterday. To use an Amatay term, I minced around most of the morning after my huge 3 hours worth of sleep before deciding it was time to jump back into the grind to try and catch that fucking Cadmunkey who is tearing up the tables at the minute!

I reloaded onto Full Tilt mainly so I could 4 table with ease and earn rakeback. Ultimate Bet is quick as fook but I can't play more than 2 tables effectively plus the hand histories are a pain in my nad bag and I got fed up of missing hands and the fucking tables flashing and beeping at me all the time. Anyway, I sat down at a 4 tables of NL10 6-max and proceeded to fold, fold and fold again for good measure due to shite cards and also because I wasn't overly concentrating. I then was dealt Cowboys and ended up shipping $5 when I got it all in on a 8 high flop with a shorty and of course he had a set the cunt! I must learn that decent raises from unknowns on seemingly raggy flops often mean sets. I was playing like a right spaz so sat out, logged off and had a fag.

Whilst on holiday I ran some figures for multitabling SnGs and came to the conclusion that anyone with half a brain could learn to beat them up to a decent level, say the $33's, whilst playing 6-8 tables. SnGays have always been my downfall but I did ok for a spell when 6 tabling before so thought I would give them a try again since you can play them almost automatically and the standard of play is awful. I had a great start and had an ROI of around 55% from my first 18 games but then started to run into so total fucking donk plays by villains and also got too aggressive in some situations mainly because I was tired after not really sleeping the night before. I went through a spell of not cashing in 7 straight games which brought me down to Earth with a bump but managed to finish 1st and 2nd in my last two which put me back to a positive ROI of just over 11.5%. I shouldn't have played my last set of 6 to be honest because I accidentally registered for a standard SnG where I ended up finishing 5th after being sat next to Cogsgoigne from Raise The River. I played a total of 34 for a measly profit of around $9 which took me to break even for the day!

I managed to break my Poker Tracker too and have lost all my data from my SnG's from yesterday and my ring games too which I'm a little pissed about so I'm going to start from scratch. I'm still going to aim for the $5k from my initial $59.91 deposit but I'll have to start reporting from now instead because all my figures will be wrong. I'm also doing a sub-challenge where I am wanting to hit $2k profit by no later than December 31st so that I have a short term goal to focus on too. It's my bar shift tonight so I'll only be able to hit the tables for an hour before hand and depending on my tiredness when I've done I'll either do another hour or two or just go straight to sleep as today will have been a long day after my week off! Full bankroll figures and progress chart to follow later.

Before I go I thought I'd post this rather sick but funny joke that I received when on holiday:

Jane Tomlinson's family have requested that she is buried underneath Luciano Pavarotti. This is so she can raise another Tenner!

As it says at the end of Loony Tunes, "That's all folks!"

Ol' Blue Eyes Is Back!

2007-09-11T11:05:00.000+01:00

Hello boys and girls, a recharged and refreshed Yorkshire Pudding blogging back on home soil. The short break has done me the world of good and gave me the oppurtunity to sort my head out, realise a few things and to make a few plans to get myself back on track in general.

The holiday got off without a hitch, I went to see the potential Mrs P before I set off and we had a decent chat which put my mind at ease and the drive down was a nice steady affair with no traffic jams or anything like that. I managed to check in without any problems and had a gander around the shops. I was a bit shocked to pay £10 for an English brekkie but I was served by a stunning Polish bird so I suppose it was worth it. I nearly died when I had to pay £3.50 for a fucking pint of Carling in the airport and buy the time I'd bought some smelly I'd blown £70 before setting foot on the big iron bird!

Flight took just under 4 hours but it went very quickly, especially as I had a whole row of seats which I could sprawl out on and relax! Mum and Dad Pudding picked me up from the airport and took me straight to the villa so I could get a shower and stuff before heading out for something to eat. The first thing that struck me was the "martian" landscape of lanzarote. For those of you who don't know the country is basically the result of volcanic activity and there are black lava fields everywhere and red sand. it has to be seen to be believed, it'slike being on an alien planet! We had something quick to eat before purchasing some uber-cheap Finnish Vodka and some smokes for my trip. With all the travelling I was knackered so we sat by our pool and kissed goodbye to my vodka, all 1 litre of it! 0430 I went to bed but I don't remember much after 0130! I had a good chat with my olds and told them about my drugs I'd taken, my dreams and fears and it was good to get things off my chest.

The next day we went to a place called Timanfaya which is basically a semi-dormant volcano which last erupted in the 1750's. On the way there you get to see the destruction the eruption caused as there are 6-10 foot high lava fields as far as the eye can see. When there they pour water down a man made hole and it fires steam out like a geiser and they also cook a BBQ over a big hole they've dug which was pretty cool. The laugh of the day was when me missed out on a little gimmick where one of the tour guides digs some pebbles up and places them in the hands of the tourists and they are taht hot they have to juggle them. My mum wanted to sample this and said "I wish he'd put his hot stones in my hand" LMFAO. Bless her! My dad had a brilliant knack of getting lost but also took me to a few places to see which if you're into that sort of thing were pretty cool. I'm not usually over into sight seeing but enjoyed some of the places we went to.

I won't bore you with the places we visit but I will tell you a few things I've realised. As much as I slag England off I realised it is a beautiful place. When I took off from Manchester and saw all the farmers fields and stuff like that I realised how beautiful our country actually is. Seeing it on the way back during the night when you can see arteries of orange street lights it is truely amazing. The Spanish way of life is the way to go. They are just so laid back it is unreal. If they aren't in control of a situation then they don't stress because no matter how much they stress they can't control it so what is the point? It's a way of thought I'll be taking on from now on especially in the Mrs P department. If it happens, it happens, if not, so what, it's not overly important is it really in the grand scheme of things? I'm going to live life for me and how I want to do it and stop living it for others and under the influence and control of other people.

Sorry this entry is a bit fragmented and probably not full of the debauchery and filth you expected but you should be happy in the fact that Yorkshire Pudding is back and feels back to his best again so hopefully some quality posts should start to flow naturally again, rather than me struggling to write anything of note.

That's all for now people, time to hit the tables on my day off. As the Spaniards say, Hasta Manana!

Wheels Of Fortune Continue To Turn!

2007-09-05T11:10:00.000+01:00

I didn't log the amount of hands I planned to last night, in fact I didn't even log onto Ultimate Bet, instead I opted to carry on trying to rape Party Poker using the free $50 they gave me last week! Things are going really well in the world of Party and I managed to rathole another $25.64 back to Neteller last night after more success playing PL Omahahahaha. I'm really getting into this game now and am feeling what hands to play. All I need to work on is my bet sizing like when to bet pot etc but that will come with time. So far I have turned the free $50 into $105.93 and I still have the $50 to play with until about September 15th I think. Good times!

Those who have followed me from my old hacked blog will know that the life God's love to turn my doomswitch on and the mother fucker has done it again. As you know I jet of to Lanzarote tomorrow, for a long weekend, at 1535. No problem there, I can get a train from Dewsbury straight to Manchester Airport at about 1030 to get me there for lunchtime, plenty of time to check in and mince about the shops. I land back at Manchester at 0030 Monday morning and the first bastard train out of there is at 0302! WTF! There is no fucking way I am hanging around a semi-closed airport for 3 hours. It gets worse though! If I wait 3 hours for the train I won't get home until 0630 because the cunt takes me to York first where I change trains. Jesus! I've looked at National Express and their first coach is about 0500 and the cunts have a habit of crashing lately so my only other choices are staying in a Travel Lodge for the night or get a Joe Baxi back home. Either way I'm probably looking at the thick end of 50 sheets when I get back. Bad beat!

I'm wanting to get some more pictures on my blog so I've dug out my camera but now can't find the charger. FFS! The camera on my phone is pretty good so I might have to use that for a few snaps I suppose. Talking of photo's does anyone know the legality of taking pictures of people without their consent? I see some right fucking sites out and about and would like to share them with you but obviously don't want the boys in blue hunting me down for being a perv! It wouldn't just be people though as I have a decent eye for a good photo and I think they brighten the place up a little!

I also seem to have become some sort of semi-shrink! Ages ago I was off my face and couldn't sleep so joined Lycos chatroom (I know stop laughing) and got chatting to some 18 year old Polish bird called Ewa (pronounce Eva obv). We exchanged MSN's and talked bollocks in slightly broken English. Anyway, last night I was playing on Party and she IM'd me and asked how England was blah blah blah and she seemed really down in the dumps saying that she didn't think anyone liked her, especially at college and she couldn't talk to her parents or friends about it because they think she's ok and would just say that she's mourngy. I got chatting to her and told her about when I was her age and how I wanted to be in the popular crowd but was too shy etc and it seemed to cheer her up. I told her if she needed to chat she could talk to me and she replied "Thank you. You is so nice person. It helps talking to you, my friend from England :)" So Pud does some good in the world for a change, it's amazing how just 10 minutes of your time can actually make someone's day and it made me feel really good about myself. Pud the councillor, who'd have thought that?!

I'm working the bar tonight and have some last minute things to do for my holiday so don't know if I will get to play at all. I'm going to try squeeze in a couple of hours though as losing 4 days is going to damage me a little although I do have Monday from work so will probably have a poker day once I've finished unpacking and showing off my tan! LOL!

Take care guys and good luck at the tables!

Bankroll = $173.27
Needed = $4826.73

Pudding Gets Stacked!

2007-09-04T11:46:00.000+01:00

Yesterday wasn't the best day for poker and if I'm honest I should probably have left it alone because I was both physically and mentally drained which doesn't exactly aid good, solid poker playing. It wasn't all bad as I still turned a profit, albeit a small one, but profit is profit at the end of the day and I'd take winning $0.01 over breaking even or losing any time of the week.

Things actually started brightly when I decided it would be a good idea to use the unwithdrawable (is that a word?) $25 I had left on Party to play in a $22 SnG and I came 2nd for a nice little $60 which meant I could withdraw $12.62 back to the USS Neteller and leave the original $50 in my poker account. The play was awful. I mean I wasn't even concentrating and I sailed through to the money by hardly playing a hand. If that is the regular standard for the SnG's on Party I think I might have to hit a few more once I have built my roll to around the $1k mark. I eventually busted when I pushed with 33 and KQo called me and villain spiked a King on the flop. Still, that's $80.29 I've managed to earn from this free $50 and I still have 11 days which to play around with it! Could be a little goldmine this free money!

After the SnG I fired up a couple of table of NL10 on Ultimate Bet and got off to a great start when very first hand I am dealt a lovely pair of bullets. With a raise and a call in front of me I bet the pot to look like a squeeze and the initial raiser went all in for the rest of his $5 stack. I of course call and he tables AhKh and I make a nice little profit early on! I then ended getting stacked by some poor play. I raise UTG with ATo after a quiet spell and get one caller who is running at around 35/20/3 and hasn't really stepped out of line but seems to like to call raises with a wide range. I flop top and bottom pair and bet pot and am called. Now I hoped he had something like JJ or KQ here. Turn is a blank really and I bet out almost pot again, villain thinks about it and pushes all-in. This screams "I have a set" but I find myself clicking the call button and of course he's get a set of tens I am felted. Fuck! So after 203 hands and a $9.45 loss I called it a day.

I've pencilled in a big session tonight and I'm hoping to log around 6-750 hands of NL10. I've nothing to do apart from go buy some new jeans for my holiday on Thursday so I should be able to get cracking by about 1900 and log a session until around 2200. I'm averaging around 230 hands per hour playing 2 tables, it'd be great if I could 4 table here because I'd be getting over 450 hands per hour which would be brilliant. I did consider withdrawing from UB and playing on Full Tilt but the rake there is horrendous at NL10. I suppose being able to play twice as many hands and getting 27% rakeback would counter this somewhat but we'll have to see, I might withdraw from UB when I go on holiday, that way I won't have any downtime whilst money is being transferred as I won't be able to play anyway!

I also played a little 7 card stud and also PLO on Party last night and was amazed at how bad the standard of play in both was, especially in Stud. I'm no expert in either game, far from it, but I know the basics and might give both games another shot tonight for a change of pace. Omaha is crazy as fuck and I really enjoyed playing it, even if I did only break even!

Thanks for reading, I'll see you at the tables!

Bankroll = $147.63
Needed = $4852.37

Feeling Pretty Tired!

2007-09-03T11:49:00.000+01:00

Why oh why do I think it's a good idea to get wrecked on a school night? I should just have one or two cold ones but sometimes I go a bit crazy and sink enough to kill the average horse! The pub was dead yesterday and work was dragging like mad so I had a few ciders to speed things up but then had the bright idea to hit the Jack Daniels and I wish I hadn't. I don't have a head ache or feel sick, I just feel drained and really tired!

There was some excitement in the bar though when a young lass knocked her uncle clean out with a perfect right hook! The girl is a tiny little thing but fuck me can she punch! She lost her dad a few weeks back and her uncle is a real tight bastard and has refused to pay anything towards, leaving her to foot the bill. Apparently he'd been winding her up all week and mid afternoon yesterday he went and sat next to her to talk to another customer but it was to piss his niece off really. As he stood up to leave he said to her "You're getting fuck all" and walked off. She then went a bit crazy and her friend had to restrain her but she wriggled free, went out of the fire door and came in through the main entrance and whacked him in the mush, knocking him clean off his feet. It was a proper punch! Anyway, I got told off after I decided it would be a good idea to play Eye Of The Tiger by Survivor (theme tune to Rocky) on the jukebox for a laugh. Well it entertained me anyway! LOL!

So like I said I ended up getting pissed and I text my mum a right load of bollocks and got really deep! I'm going to get a right lecture from her and my dad when I see them in Spain on Thursday because I was coming out with a right load of shite and she even suggested I should go talk to someone professional because I must be harbouring some guilt! She's probably right but last night was the beer talking but I've some explaining to do on my holidays! It's never simple in Pud's world! No more Jack Daniels for me for a while, he's a bad bad man!

I'm really looking forward to jetting off now, it can't come soon enough and I've even packed my case already! I've let things start to get on top of me again and have been self medicating with alcohol which isn't the best thing to do I know. It's going to be great to not have to get up early on a morning and jump on a packed train to sit here for 8 hours bored as fuck then having to work the bar too. I half heartedly said last night that if I found a job out there that allowed me to come home once a month then I'd really consider taking it but talking to former Mrs P, who worked in Greece for 6 months, it appears the wages are shite. If only I was winning at NL100 it'd be so easy!

Well that's it for now. I'm going to continue the $5k challenge when I get home and maybe enter a $22 MTT on Party with their free money and see if I can hit a big score. Would be very nice if I could make the FT and get a 3 or 4 figure score, only time will tell!

Take care guys and good luck at the tables.

Off To A Good Start For Once!

2007-09-02T14:13:00.001+01:00

Well I've started my quest to take $50 to $5k in 200 days and it's all so far, so good. With the my first day's offical play also being the day I have Pudding Jr I wasn't expecting to play at all until I'd finished my bar shift but he fell asleep around lunchtime so I jumped on for a quick 30 minute session.

Party had given me $50 which I couldn't withdraw unitl I had to clear 600 points with before 7th September. I was initially going to grind this but decided to just stick it all on a NL50 table instead. I played about 70 hands then Booooooooom! A donkey raised UTG and I 3-bet with AK on the button. Flop comes JJK and donkey bets pot I jam and he calls with QT and misses and I am sat with $120! Kerching! I try to withdraw my balance, less the $50 from Party, and it lets me so everyone's a winner! Bankroll boosted! I played a little on Party after my barshift last night and managed to spunk away $25 on a semi bluff against a rock. I think I might enter 2x $11 or 1x $22 SnG when I've finished work tonight, at the end of the day it's free money which I can't touch so it's a no lose situation!

I officially started my challenge this morning on Ultimate Bet and with my bankroll being boosted to around $120 I decided to take a shot at NL10 with the plan to drop to NL2 if I lost a couple of buyins. Thankfully I never needed to do that as I managedto get off to a good start for a change and ended up $20 plus change to the good from 419 hands! I never felt out of my depth, nor did I think I would do, but I found out I can't play more than 2 tables there because of the way the active screen jumps around like some crazed crack whore after a fix. There was one point where I needed to act on all 3 tables I had open and they were switching from one to the other so badly that I couldn't act! I ended up checking on 2 of them just to stop the bastards from flashing! Anyone know a way around this?

Biggest Pot Won = I think I played this ok. I'd been active and wanted to let villain do the betting for me. It seemed to work as I got to stack him!

Biggest Pot Lost = Again I'd been pretty active. My bet on the river was more of a blocking bet because if he bets here say $1-$1.50 I'd really have a tough time folding but him instantly jamming after this bet said I was beat. I showed my AT and was surprised to see a set as I'd put him on a bigger Ace or even A9.

In other news I was awarded a Gatsby award for blog of the month by none other than UkGatsby. Paul gives out these awards every month and I'm pretty chuffed he's chosen my blog for this particular award, especially as my old blog was hacked and I lost all my old posts. Hopefully I can reproduce some of the craziness of the old blog here and get a few more readers!

Still not 100% sure what is going on with the potential Mrs P. I spoke to her Friday and in the early hours of Saturday morning but still not really any wiser. I've decided it's going to be a case of if she wants to chat or whatever she can contact me, I've chased for long enough. I'm off on holiday for a few days from Thursday so perhaps it's come at a perfect time for everyone really?

Right, I need to get ready for work soI'll leave it there I think. Enjoy the rest of the weekend and thanks for checking in!

Bankroll = $143.76

Needed = $4856.24

A Cheerful Pudding

2007-08-31T14:20:00.000+01:00

Although yesterday's post wasn't overly doom and gloom I wrote it at home in quite a sombre mood. I even told former Mrs P on Wednesday that I wasn't really bothered about the situation when really I was. I'm pretty good at pretending about how I feel about stuff when it comes to my emotions, it drives my mum mad and I bet a few others too. I think the fact that I described my feelings as being "numb" spoke volumes. Anyway, things have already started to look up after a long conversation with potential Mrs P this dinner time.

Every Friday, at work, we are allowed an hour for lunch instead of the usual 30 mins and because where we work is a bit out of the way the company puts on a coach for us and takes and collects us from God's own city of Leeds! I don't usually bother, instead I grab something from the canteen here, get a nice coffee from the coffee shop over the road and have a couple of smokes before doing blog stuff and surfing the t'internet. I popped in today though because I needed to sort my travel insurance out for next Thursday when I go to Lanzarote with my olds. Reason to be cheerful number one: £15 was all it cost! Earlier this morning I received a text from potential Mrs P asking how I was and stuff and I said I'd ring her on my lunch. We chatted as usual and she told me that all this didn't mean the end but that we just need to do it differently. She went on to say that she doesn't want to be with her boyfriend and she wants to be with me but wants to do things properly and not jump from one relationship straight into living with me in another, which is fair enough I suppose. Apparently it was viewing the flat last Friday that made her realise she was rushing into everything too quickly and it freaked her out so she stuck the brakes on.

Anyway, long story short it looks as is things might still be happening. I need to sort a place out for me to go to and she's going to sort her shit out and get her own place too and then once the dust has settled we can take it from there at our own pace without having to rush anything at all. It's not going to happen overnight but it's a start I guess and better than being left in limbo and not knowing what and why everything all of a sudden came to a halt. Like I said in the comments to the last post, time will tell. Also in a good mood because I had a pint of lager and a jacket spud with cheese and chilli for my lunch!

So my poker challenge begins in a little under 10 hours and I will then have 200 days in order to make $5k from NLHE cash games. It was going to be ending on 19th April 08 but I think 200 days sounds better for blogging purposes! I'm starting by playing at Ultimate Bet and sitting at the short-handed NL2 tables before moving to NL10 and NL25. Once NL25 is reached I will be considering changing sites, probably to Full Tilt, because I'm having trouble multi-tabling on UB at the minute. My two problems are the lack of resizable tables on UB so I have horrendous overlap and also the fact that their "force table to front" simply doesn't work properly so it gets annoying and causes misclicks and wrong bet sizes when another screen becomes active! I've emailed support but they're about as useful as cock flavoured lolly pop in all honesty and they're probably looking for a generic email to send me right now to fob me off! I can cope with misclicking and losing out on a $0.45 pot right now but would be a bit more pissed off at a $14 pot so a change may be needed unless a solution can be found. I've Pudding Jr staying tonight so I won't get to start until he hits the hay and by that time I'll probably need a beer and something to eat so it'll almost certainly be midnight by the so I'll hit the tables for a couple of hours before getting some shuteye.

Well that's all for now folks, good luck at the tables, have a great weekend and thanks for reading!

Shit On By A Bird!

2007-08-30T18:52:00.000+01:00

Now if you've started reading this expecting to find that a pigeon has taken a dump on my head or that I've been experimenting with some sort of scat with Milla Jovovich I apologise because it will disappoint. Unfortunately it's another in a long line of life beats dealt to Yorkshire Pudding and yet another that seems to involve women.

Readers from my hacked blog will remember me mentioning a potential Mrs P that I had been kind of seeing for a little while and who had a boyfriend. The past few weeks we've got on like a house on fire and talked about everything and anything and we felt really really close. There was a special connection there which was confirmed when we sent each other an almost identical text at the same time as each other. All was good if you discounted the fact she lived whith her kid and boyfriend and I was stuck here in the pub. However we both made plans for that to change.

The idea was for her to get a place of her own and for me to try find somewhere so that we could do the whole dating thing properly because she'd never really done it plus we'd get to know each other more when we weren't having to sneak about and lie to people. Unfortunately circumstances changed and the pub I am living in has been bought out by another company and they want to change the terms and conditions of the landlords contract. Long story short he's not accepting so I really do need to fuck off out of here very very soon. I put the idea to potential Mrs P that, although not ideal, how about we found a place and moved in together. After all we have been basically live apart partners for 4 months. It might be risky but she agreed to it and the house hunting began.

Last Friday she went to look at a flat and she said it was really nice and that she wouldn't mind it so I started making mental plans for the move. On the Friday night she and her boyfriend were going to meet his brother, a friend of mine, for a few beers and she asked if I wanted to go and I went. After a good night I ended up back at hers and she fell asleep on the sofa whilst me and her boyfriend talked drunken bollocks. Mistake number 1. I agree it was a bit strange but I'm talkative, especially when pissed! Anyway, she went up to bed, I jumped on the sofa and fell asleep and he must have followed her up. He was working in the morning and set off about 0800 and woke me up. I went upstairs to see if she wanted a drink and sat on the edge of the bed and gave her a cuddle. She seemed weird and I asked if she wanted me to leave and she said yes soI did. I text to see what was wrong and got the usual "I'm tired" etc so left it at that.

She text me on the Saturday night and told me regardless of what happens she would always love me which set alarm bells ringing. During the Sunday she hardly text but when she did she went on about how she felt dirty because as soon as one man left her bed she let another in. During Monday she hardly replied or text either so I knew something was the matter. Then on Tuesday she hits me with something along the lines of she can't do this anymore and that us moving right in together wouldn't work and she wouldn't do it and only agreed to it to keep me happy etc. I asked if there was still going to be a me and her and she said she couldn't reply to that right now because her head is full of too much shit and she didn't want to say something she didn't mean or that she'd regret. She sent another saying she'd never felt like this before and is scared about it in case I hurt her because she couldn't cope with it.

Now I'm not off into detail but she's had a fucking shit life so far and has been with some right wankers of men who have treated her really badly. She says she's never been in love properly until we met and that if I hurt her after all we'd said to each other and stuff (I know things about her even her boyfriend doesn't know) then it would finish her off. She already has trust issues and she'd never trust anyone again, it took me 4 months to get her to trust me properly. The impression I get is that she'd rather stay where she is and be unhappy with her total loser, junkie boyfriend than risk being hurt because of all the shite she's gone through when she was younger. Which basically means Pudding has been left high and dry. Once again the good guy gets left on the sidelines.

How do I feel? I'm not sure. Tuesday I was gutted. Totally gutted, like my heart had been ripped out. As I was texting her I had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat. Then I became angry with her for what feels like using me and for me for letting myself be used. But now I honestly don't know what I feel. I suppose a little empty and numb. The girl I've dedicated my time to helping get over some issues and made feel good about herself isn't there anymore and it feels weird. I still can't get my head around it at all. I should be really upset or angry but I don't feel much at the minute. Like I said, I'm a little numb. She says she wants to see me over the weekend which I think means she's going to tell me once and for all that there is no us because she's not actually said as much yet. I suppose then it may hit home, who knows.

I don't know what the point of this post is to be honest and it's ranted on a little long now but I needed to talk to someone about it because not many people know about it so I can't talk to anyone about it if you catch my drift. Blogs are great for spewing feelings out and stuff and getting things off your chest so I guess this post has served it's purpose.

Well done for getting this far! Take care guys and thanks for reading.

Pudding's $50 to $5k Challenge

2007-08-29T12:36:00.000+01:00

For too long I've fucked about, jumping from cash games to SnG's to MTT's with no real focus, just the hope of a big score so I can play decent stakes for decent money and have the remote possibility that I can use poker to fund a better lifestyle or ideally play full time for a living. The problem is it doesn't work like that for most players. It's a known fact the vast majority of players are losing players and fall by the way side. In fact a lot of seemingly winning players are actually losing players long term but are riding a good spell of variance. It's time to prove to myself I can do this and time to get serious about my game and make poker start to pay.

I have great belief in my game. I'd probably get killed at NL200 and above, currently, but I know I can beat the micro stakes for a decent score on a regular basis. I have the knowledge, know the theory and have the balls to make plays and read games but I have a few leaks that I need to plug in order to succeed. One downfall is strange because it is down to patience. When I'm playing I can easily sit there for an eternity and wait for the right situation to arise which is a good thing but I am very impatient when it feels like a challenge isn't progressing as quickly or smoothly as I would like and I often start playing more tables etc rather than focussing on the end goal which is often months away. I guess I become kind of blinkered. Readers of my old blog know I like a drink, and poker and drink don't really mix too well. I hate to think how much money I've left at the table due to drinking the amber nectar so that is one leak I need to plug right away if I am to become profitable. There is a very fine line between being ok to play and having alcohol cloud your judgement and I cross that line with an alarming regularity. I don't think living in a pub helps but that situation should be changing when I get back from holiday on the 11th September. Those are my main two problems really. I could include over thinking hands but I can adapt that quickly to my table and adjust the way I think to suit the donks or the tougher players.

So I have set myself a challenge which will start on Saturday 1st September 2007 and will run until Saturday 19th April 2008, which incidentally is my 27th birthday. I am going to start with a bankroll of $50, or as close to that as I can, and grind my way through the 6 max micro NLHE cash games until I reach a bankroll of $5k. From start to finish is exactly 34 weeks which means I'd have to earn an average of $21 per day from day one. Obviously starting at NL2 this isn't going to happen but once I hit NL50 it should, in theory, be a piece of piss! Two reasons I've set a challenge of this length are firstly because I have a lot of shit going on at the minute and could be without the net to play poker for anything between 6-10 weeks in the not too distant future and also so that I can try to learn to stay focussed on something long term rather than get caught up with what's happened in a singular session.

I'm going to start off by playing a singular table of NL2 on Ultimate Bet. I have some outstanding bonus dollars on there that clear at very slow but steady rate and I also get 30% of my rakeback which should help a great deal. I want to learn to walk again before I start running and iron out any bad habits and become more positional and make notes on players rather than rely on 10-12 stats displayed above them by my HUD. Once I am comfortable fully with one table I will add more as it is obvious your hourly rate goes up if you're a winning player. I will be following a semi solid bankroll management plan albeit a pretty aggressive one which I'll explain later but it's going to allow me to take the occasional shot at the levels above without putting too much at risk.

I will be applying the following rules:

1.) Always be true to myself. If I am being outplayed accept it because it happens. Find another table.
2.) If I don't feel like playing then I won't. Simple as that. Too often I play for the sake of it which is -EV.
3.) If I feel like I'm going to tilt then I'll sit out and make myself a coffee or have a fag or something until the feeling passes.
4.) Accept bad beats happen to good players more often than bad.
5.) Don't be results orientated, just make plays that I believe will maximise expectation over time.
6.) If I go bust I stay bust.
7.) When I hit $5k, brag like fuck and treat myself to something nice!

I'm really looking forward to this because it's going to make or break me as a poker player. If I can't do this then I'm going to need to make some sort of other plans to finance some of the things I want to buy and places I want to see. If I can do this then I'll be as chuffed as a puff with two arseholes and the sky is the limit from there. It'd be a great birthday present on the 19th April 2008 if I can look at my online poker worth and see a nice shiny $5k looking back at me. I need something to distract me from the real world right now, I'll post about the goings on soon but Pud's real life world has fallen apart a little so I'm wrapping myself up in my online one until everything goes away!

Only time will tell if I can do this. Wish me luck and keep coming back for updates and rants from yours truly.

Like A Phoenix From The Flames

2007-08-28T14:27:00.000+01:00

Guess who's back? Only little old me! I went to sign onto my old blog today and there was absolutely nothing there! Nothing, nada, zilch. It looks like I may have been targeted by some twat who thinks it's funny to go around and either change all the posts the owner has ever written to porn links or to just straight delete it. In the past couple of weeks I know that Iggy aka "The Blog Father", Cadmunkey, Kenn and Micro Limit Donkey all falling victim to this cunt. Get a life or put your obvious skills to some use you piece of shit!

For those of you who have followed me from my old blog you know all about me so I'll just say hello bitches. For those of you that are new and have somehow stumbled across here I hope you like what you find and continue to come back. My blogs are mainly about my poker playing, mainly No-Limit Hold'em but I also love to have life rants, speak my mind about various subjects (often without thinking) and from time to time I go off on one and go a little bit crazy and off the wall. I don't usually set out to directly insult people or piss them off but it happens from time to time as I express my opinions in my own unique, from the hip style! If any of my posts or comments offends you please feel free to let the other readers know, just don't expect me to give a shit because to be honest as it's my blog, written in my words and they are my feelings. I used to wear my heart on my sleeve on my old blog and document my every up and down and that will continue so hopefully you'll start to feel you know Yorkshire Pudding and feel part of this blog.

As this is technically a new blog I'm going to totally start from scratch, as if I've never played before. All wins and losses from now on are going to be documented here on these virtual pages and hopefully as my blog grows with time so will my skills and obviously bankroll and I'll have something to look back on in a couple of years and see the progress I have made. I'll be starting a cash game challenge in the next day or two, I'm just waiting for Neteller to confirm they've received my massive deposit of around the $35 mark! Micro-stakes madness, bring it on!

That's it for now boys and girls. Thanks for checking in and best of luck at the tables!