Well I now have a set of wheels for three months as my former landlord is currently flying towards Calgary, Canada, until Valentine's Day 2008. We finally set off about half ten or eleven after we'd sorted out the car seat for Step Pud, stuck some massively overpriced fuel (99.9p a litre) in the motor and gathered some goodies for the trip to Sutton, London. Having never been to our nation's capital I was quite looking forward to it but not to the 10 hour round trip with a 1 year old baby stuck in a car!Nothing of note happened on the way there, I ate my Cajan Chicken Wrap, Prawn Cocktail crisps and beef jerky and flicked through the Daily Star. I swear that paper is awful. If you wiped your arse on it more shit would come off the paper! I only bought it because there were no Sun's (still a shit rag) left and there is a poker section in the Star. I think we were all bored to tears and Mrs P kept nipping my and kicking the back of my chair to keep me on my toes and we soon stopped for a break and to change Step Pud's arse at the Watford Gap Services. The Landlord bought all three of us a coffee and it cost the poor cunt £9.30! To be fair the coffees came in buckets and were quite nice but fuck me £3.10 for a coffee. It wasn't a complete disaster though as I put a pound in some toy machine and out popped a fart bomb which I had to promise not to let off in the car / services / anywhere near Mrs P or the Landlord!
We eventually arrived at the Landlord's mate's flat, unloaded the car, had a brew and set back off around half six. Traffic was a fucking nightmare to say the least and it didn't help it was pitch black, in a huge city I didn't know, raining and rush hour! Somehow we survived, stuck some more petrol in the car, bought fags and hit the M25. When we finally arrived at Silverstone services I was starved so we decided to stop for a rest and food. After the customary pisses and baby arse change we went to Burger King for some fuel. I got an Angus pepper Special and the robbing bastards charged me £6.20 for the meal. Fuck me! I almost said I only asked for one! Mr's P's came to over £5 too, no wonder there's a Ladbrokes there too, it'll be so you can try to win on the nags to offset your food costs. How can the robbing cunts charge that? After my shock we hit the road again and despite Step Pud screaming for about 45 miles we made it home in one piece around half ten. Oh, we did stop at Asda for beers too cos I was mentally fucked from the driving, it took a lot out of me sat at 85mph for all that time in the dark and rain when I've not driven further than 15 miles for about a year!
We managed to get Step Pud off to sleep and we relaxed with a beer or two watching shite on the box for a small while before Mrs P said she was hitting the hay. The thought of her in skimpy shorts and bare titties overpowered Tom Cruise in Born On The 4th July so I joined her! Anyway, some travelling tension was lost and I got out of bed for something and saw Step Pud stand up in his cot so I ran into the bathroom and shut the door. Mrs P came out and asked what I was doing so I told her Step Pud was awake so she quickly turned out the lights and we stood in silence. Silence until I let out a big fart which set me and Mrs P off laughing and mid chuckle another came out which woke up Step Pud and made him cry. Twenty six and finding farts funny, I need to sort myself out! When I managed to get him back off to sleep I was busting for a piss but daren't walk past the cot in case I woke him up again so I made an executive decision to piss in an empty wine bottle! LMAO!
I also played in the Bloggerment for the first time on Saturday and managed to cash in 3rd but I'll be doing a report on that game later because I got stick from some of my hands, as usual, and was going to explain my actions on a few plays!
Cliff notes - Went to London, Got bummed at Burger King, Drove home, had beer and sexy time, woke baby up with a fart pissed in a bottle, played Bloggerment for 1st time and cashed.
Thanks for reading and good luck at the tables!
