Worst Night's Sleep Ever!

I'm so fucking tired today it is unbelievable after I had my worst night's sleep ever. No boys and girls and Spunky Socks, Pudding isn't tired due to too much beer, cider or alcohol or any pharmaceuticals, he's tired due the evil entity that is Chinese food! Yes dear readers I hardly slept a wink thanks to my local Chinese takeaway! I worked my usual 1500-2300 shift behind the bar yesterday and when we closed up the landlord and I ordered some food as we were staving our rocks off. We devoured our spare ribs in OK sauce, chicken and sweetcorn soup and some aromatic crispy lamb with pancakes and hit the hay. I then proceeded to drink around 1.5L of water during the night, waking up every hour with stupid dreams and needing more water and then waking up needing a piss due to the water I'd drunk! Fucking chinkies and their love of MSG, cunts! But it tastes so nice!

Poker is still going shite and I'm running like a landmine victim right now and I'm trying to not let it piss me off but it's difficult when you get it all in against a fish with AK vs KT on a King high board and the cunt rivers a ten on you. Whatever can go wrong is going wrong and it's testing my nerve. For a change of pace I tried some turbo sit and goes, the $2.25 games, and 10 tabled them! LOL! I did great, winning three, coming second in another and coming third twice for a nice 76% ROI. This little run soon ended though and I've only cashed once in my next 12 games although I did win that one. When will this end? Please say soon or I might go mental, well more mental!

I spoke to Spunk Sock yesterday and told him I can't play NL10 and won't play it. My problem is I have read the forums, books and discussed hands on many levels with decent players and I just can't forget all this when I play the micro stakes and play ABC poker. It's not me. The only reason I play the micro-stakes is because I don't have the bankroll for anything higher, the reason most of the micro players play these stakes is because they are fucking shit at poker! Now I'm not a great player, far from it, but I am much better player than half of these retards but I try to play NL50-100 at the NL10 tables and it doesn't work. So I need to find a way to build my bankroll so that I can play at the higher levels and I'm going to do that through small stakes SnG's and MTT's.

Before I went to sleep last night I withdrew some of my funds from Full Tilt back to Neteller. My thinking behind this is to hit the 180 man $4.40's on PokerStars as I've had reasonable success at these and I know that if I play enough of them I can beat them consistently. Also, if I get lucky and take one or two down my bankroll will blossom overnight and I can get on with earning some decent cash from this bastard of a game! I withdrew enough to cover 40 buy-ins for the $4.40's leaving me with around $100 on Full Tilt which I will use for the $2.25 SnG's and the odd MTT $5.50 and under. I'm due about $10 from my rakeback company for last month and have so far earned $20-30 this month which will be paid next month. I was going to play the 180 man games on Full Tilt but they seem to fill up slower than an old man's bollocks despite the prize to buy-in ratio being excellent. Shame really because I prefer Full Tilt's structure over Stars' especially as the progression of the blinds is a lot smoother but you can't beat Stars for the availability of games and for how quickly they fill up.

Tomorrow is D-Day at work as I have my disciplinary at 1400. According to the letter I received I am "required to attend an interview" to discuss my manager's "concerns regarding my internet usage at work". Apparently I will have the chance to "state my case" so I have requested that I am sent all the evidence they have against me because how can I state my case when I don't know exactly what I am being charged with? If I don't receive this today I will not be attending as it won't be a fair hearing. It feels like a witch hunt to be honest after my recent disciplinary problems and I think they're going to try and tie my 3 month warning to this offence and try to force me out but it's a separate issue totally and I'll make sure it's logged as such. I'm really not bothered about the outcome of this meeting but I could really do with not getting sacked as it'll make getting a half decent job much more difficult but I do actually have the potential to be shown the door! Regardless of the outcome it's going to make working here pointless as I'll never be able to switch departments or progress upwards (not that I have any intention of doing so) and it'll also unbearable because I feel betrayed by my boss and the way the company operates. I'll never be able to be legitimately sick or late and every little thing that I do wrong will be scrutinised! The ironic thing is I was told that my boss' husband was told off a few weeks ago for being on Sky Sports, amongst others, website during the day! I guess in around 30 hours time I will be certain of my fate!

Right, my lunch half hour is almost up so I better sign it off here. I'm hoping to hit a few games tonight and if, sorry WHEN, I end up going deep I'll post something in the Railage Forum on Raise The River!

As always, thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables!

Too Much Pressure?

Writer's block is fucking awful. It's the equivalent of wanker's cramp for a 14 year old lad, it just doesn't bear thinking about, but I have it right now so like wanker's cramp I must battle through it to become stronger! I never pre-write my entries on here, instead I choose to just start writing and see what comes out, that way I feel like the represent me more because they are natural and not forced or trying too hard to be funny or sad or whatever but sometimes, for whatever reasons, it doesn't work and it frustrates the hell out of me. I've started this blog post 7 times so far and each time it has been deleted because it doesn't feel or sound right, even this is fucking dire but it's staying in as today's entry! I feel like an impotent man who wants to fuck his wife so badly but his cock is looking at his shoes! Hopefully this will pass and we'll be back on track tomorrow or maybe tonight.

I'm at a crossroads with my online poker at the minute and although I still love playing I'm finding it hard to motivate myself to play my primary game of ring games and I'm not sure if I have the time for MTT's right now so I don't know what the immediate future holds for me. I'm not about to give it up but I need to have a think about what my actual goals are and how realistic these goals are and how I am going to go about hitting them. My break abroad helped me sort my head with regards to my life etc but it has seriously fucked my game up somewhere along the way! Maybe I need to be fucked up mentally to be profitable? I think to be honest things will be better on Tuesday when I get paid because I am seriously skint at the minute (got £30 left) and I'm still unaware of what is happening with the housing situation because the brewery hasn't given the landlord a date to fuck off but it is just a matter of time so that is in the back of my mind I guess although I'm not really let it bother me at present. I'm also semi-worried that there are only 4 paydays until Christmas and with me 100% certain moving by then and needing house stuff I'm not going to be able to afford to save much cash for Pudding Jr's presents never mind anyone elses.

I think overall I'm just putting a bit too much pressure on myself to perform on the poker scene to make up the shortfall in my money! I can deal with the other shit now without too much effort but I've always worried about cash, doesn't everyone? I've started looking at poker again as money and I'm looking at the first place of a 4/180 as just $216 and not the glory if you like of winning. When I came second the other month I won $144 which was nice but I was gutted that I hadn't won, I need to get that will to win back from somewhere, hopefully it'll come back tonight when I play some 4/180's and maybe some $1 and $2 MTT's. I want to get back to playing because I want to win and think of the money as a bonus not all there is to play for.

On a brighter note I've realised I really miss tits and the nipple in particular. People always ask me if I'm a breast, leg or arse man and I'm none, I guess I like everything but the last couple of days I can't stop looking at women's jugs! There are loads of low cut blouses at work and on the way home on the bus lately and I can't help letching like a right old perv. Usually one either side does me fine but I'd just love to have a play with some for half hour and give them a bite and whatever just for the sake of it. One problem with me thinking more straight and stopping smoking and cutting down booze is my sex drive starts to go a bit crazy which is fucking shit when you're skint and single. Maybe I should advertise for a fuck buddy, LMAO! Well I have started networking on my new FaceBook!

Oh and come back Kenn you fucking big fish. Your blog has been deleted so I will have to find another way to stalk you and spreasd my man love.

Thanks for reading guys and good luck at the tables.

Another Small Cash And Some Heads Up!

I'm feeling more confident about my 180 man MTT game lately and with every game I complete I feel I'm becoming stronger. I'm still making quite a few mistakes don't get me wrong but I think I am learning from them and hopefully I'll stop making as many sooner rather than later. I honestly feel that I only need a few more tweaks to my game to take things to the next level and start actually winning or going deep in some micro and small stakes MTT's. I don't think I am doing too badly considering I've not even played 40 of these things!

I played in two 4/180's last night with Spunk Sock outlasting him by finishing 70th (LOL!) and 18th with the top 18 being paid. I'm a bit pissed off with myself because I was again a decent chip leader with only 30 remaining and then the wheels fell off. I lost a decent amount of chips when I checked in the BB with 72o, the Hammer! Flop comes A42 with two spade and I bet about half the pot and am called. Turn is a blank and we both check and the river brings the 3 spade and I bet 2/3 pot and villain calls with 44 for a flopped set. I then lost some more chips when I was priced in to call a shorties push after I raised 1st in with T9s and he had KQ and I couldn't hit and by the time the 2nd break came I was 12/22 with a 9.7k stack but blinds of 300/600/50a. Almost immediately after the break the bubble burst and I managed to cash but I opened pushed 62o on the button and the BB woke up with KK. Now the guys at RTR didn't like this shove but I saw it as an opportunity to gather 1350 chips and give myself another orbit for free. Now if BB doesn't wake up with Cowboys then this hand never gets posted. I'd been card dead for an age and stupidly let myself get blinded down and I don't think the blinds are calling without monsters. Bad timing I think, maybe I could have hung on another couple of hands but I made the play and it didn't work.

I'm going deep pretty regularly in these I just need to focus towards the end and start to make my cashes count as the payout is pathetic before the final table and even then it's not exactly cracking until the final three places. Something for me to work on over the next few days. I might even hit one tonight after work because we've been shutting around 2230 recently so would be settled upstairs for about midnight so even final tabling one of these bitches would only take me to 0300 and give me 4.5 hours sleep! Now I'm not smoking and the drinking has calmed down I am sleeping really well and finding it easier to get up on a morning.

Dear Yorksh1rePud,

You finished the tournament in 18th place.
A $8.64 award has been credited to your Real Money account.

You earned 51.49 tournament leader points in this tournament.
For information about our tournament leader board, see our web site at
http://www.pokerstars.com/tlb_tournament_rankings.html

Congratulations!
Thank you for participating.

I decided to try play some full ring cash games last night and managed to get stacked 2nd hand in! I had Th8h in the SB and 4 of us saw a beautiful flop of TT8, the money went in and villain has QQ of course the turn brings a fucking slag and it's good by 100BB and fuck you cash. I just can't get into the cash mindset at all lately which is a shame as it's usually my most profitable game! Since cash games suck big donkey dick I had the bright idea to fire up some $2.20 HUSNG for a change of pace and being the self proclaimed HU God I managed to win 3 games in a row by being super and awesome! I actually enjoy the HUSNG but really need to do some studying of them but first impressions are they could be quite profitable because the villains are just so aggro it is untrue and most games are over in less than 10 minutes! Well see how they go anyway, I'll probably get fed up pretty quickly as I do with everything!

Worst of all fucking SpunkSock is flopping quads and sets at an alarming rate and is really tearing up the tables the fucker and is leaving me for dead in the race to $5k! I'm thinking of taking a week off to hammer the fuck out of the tables just to draw level because I did have 5 days where I couldn't play, plus 2 before I got my loan for $50 on Stars and that cunt plays during the day I don't care what he tells you! I'll catch you mate don't worry and I'll let you know my very sad roll at the beginning of next week!

You're probably wondering why my beautiful Milla Jovovich has made an appearance again on my blog and there is no reason apart from she looks gorgeous and I couldn't find a suitable picture to head my post! Oh she was on the box too last night in 5th Element but I couldn't be arsed watching it all the way through though I did get to see her tits which is always a pleasure and never a chore!

Not much play planned for tonight because it is my barshift as previously mentioned. If I have time after my shit, wank, shower and shave I might hit a couple of HUSNG but if not and I feel ok when I've finished I might hit a 4/180 or see if there are any micro donkaments starting!

Thanks for reading and good luck at the tables, unless you're Spunk Sock!

Just One Of Those Days

Do you ever have one of those days where whatever you touch turns to shit or where everyone and everything just annoys the fuck out of you for seemingly no reason whatsoever? Well yesterday was one of those days. I don't think stopping smoking helped at all to be honest because there were about 25 different people yesterday I could quite easily have covered in grease and set alight, even the actual bus I got on to come home from work pissed me off because the fucker vibrated like a turbo charged Rampant Rabbit on steroids! I swear my fillings nearly came out from all the shaking!

By the time I got home I was dying for a smoke but was a good boy and decided not to give in to temptation after putting myself through a day of hell, why make it worse tomorrow eh? I had planned to jump straight onto a couple of 4/180 games but forgot that I had agreed to drop the pub DJ's hard drive off for him in Wakefield so I had to drive there, in rush hour traffic, which tested my will power because I always smoked in the car, especially in traffic! Anyways, I got back home, had a pint of lager, a shite and logged onto Stars to register for some of the 4/180's and win myself some dough! The problem is with poker, is that in general you actually have to play well in order to win. I wish someone would have reminded me of that fact because I played like shite!

I registered for two games and noticed that the shark known as Kenn had logged onto MSN so I had a wee chat with him and it turned out he was in the same 2 games as me, could it be a Raise The River first and second finish? Nah! I think Kenn busted pretty early in one and I didn't fair too well busting in 118th after I called a min raise with KcQc and ended up getting it all in on the turn on a king high board and couldn't suck out against a slow played AK. I fired another up and never got above my starting stack at any stage and busted around 50th. Meanwhile I was doing pretty good in one of the games I fired up at the beginning of my session.

I'd been playing pretty tight but seemed to be picking up hands at the right time and I was sitting with an above average stack at the first break and feeling very comfortable. Not long after play resumed I made a horrible play with 99 and managed to get Stars to save me on the river. I raised 1st in on the CO and the BB called. Flop was something like 864 with 2 clubs. Turn was 5c I think and somehow the money went in and villain shows 64. River is an 8 and I get a decent stack for my donkey play! Amatay wasn't impressed on MSN. I then took the chip lead after some donk loved his JJ enough to 4 bet me AIPF and my Rockets held but then I went card dead and mistimed a couple of steals and at the 2nd break I was sat 6/23 but still in very good shape. Then this hand, sponsored by KJ Jelly, fucked me dry from behind! I'd been in a couple of pots since the restart and was delighted to see AA! I made my standard raise and a fellow big stack raised enough to put me all-in. Obviously everyone folded and I called with my rockets and he shows JJ and I'm an 80/20 for a big chip lead with only 21 players remaining so another final table beckons. Well it did until the cunt caught running cards and rivered a fucking straight. Flop 738. Turn T. River a fucking Neuf. Jesus Christ! I can't fault his play nor can I moan really because if I hadn't have sucked out early doors I wouldn't have been this deep but to go out to running cards is awful. I fired another game up when I went to bed but I was more tired than I thought and ended up turning my laptop off after the first break because I was falling asleep so I'm not sure where I finished in that one but there were only 70 or so left in that particular game when I went to sleep!

So my ROI has dropped to around 35% from 33 games which is shit but also a meaningless sample size. I'm determined to get this to at least 100% because I feel very comfortable playing them, I just need to log some volume. Full Tilt are still dragging their feet with regards to my withdrawal and have now taken to ignoring my emails too the twats. I'm pissed off about this because a mate transferred me $50 so I could play over last weekend and I promised him it back in "a couple of days" but the wankers still haven't transferred me anything to Neteller so I only have 7 buy-ins on Stars at the minute so hopefully I'll be able to go deep tonight and replenish my roll again and repay my mate! I should be on there about half six to seven should anybody wish to join a couple and give each other some railage.

I was meant to be going to see a flat tonight after work but they've phoned me to tell me that the guy who was going to show me around is poorly so I need to make another appointment. Problem is they don't do weekends and they close at five so how the fuck I'm meant to sort somewhere is beyond me! I'm a bit stressed about this because I've worked out I'm going to have about £550 left this month once my bills come out which is nowhere near enough to hire a van, pay a bond and a month's rent and bills so I'm a bit fucked really. Looks like I better get asking people to borrow their sofa for a couple of weeks and save some wonga up! Why do I always blow my money on shite and leave things until the last minute every single time? Cos you're a cunt Pud, sort it out!

Still no fags smoked although today feels worse than yesterday, I actually feel anxious which is fucking shit I can tell you. It should all calm down again by the end of the week, just in time for the weekend! Great! Thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables!

Stopping Smoking Blows Dead Bears!

So I decided to stop smoking again over the weekend and I had my last fag at about 2355 last night. I stopped about 5 years ago when Pud Jr's mum fell pregnant with Pud Jr and I didn't smoke again until he was about 2 years old. I then stopped again when I was with former Mrs P, even though she still smoked, but for some reason I started smoking again and I've been smoking every since. Why have I decided to stop? Well I want to be more healthy physically to aid me mentally plus most of my family die from heart disease or cancer so I'm bound to get cancer of the heart at some point so I might as well lower my chances of developing something nasty!

The last times I quit were dead easy but for some reason today I am really irritable and could kill some cunt I tell you! It says that 20 minutes after your last smoke your blood pressure returns to normal. The lying bastards! I can tell you 14 hours after your last fag your blood boils and its pressure is through the roof! 8 hours after your last fag your blood oxygen levels improve and your chances of having heart attack fall but the chances of you smashing someone in the mouth for just looking at you increase by about 3.5x. I can't wait for another 10 hours when all the Carbon Monoxide leaves my body and apparently my lungs start to clear out mucus and debris. It'll be even better the day after when my sense of smell and taste improve so not only will I be coughing up phlegm and shite from my lungs all day I'll be able to taste it better and smell it too. Can't fucking wait! I don't remember it being this hard before but I'm determined to stop especially as the wank weather will be here soon and with smokers now being social outcasts and forced outside to face the elements!

I had Pudding Jr over the weekend and was pissed off to find out that he started school and his fucking mother didn't tell me. I'd have loved to have been there for his first day of school but the psychotic whore kept me in the dark about it. Slag! I had a right moan at her the other week because she's lazy with him sometimes and even though he's 4 she was putting a nappy on him for bed and giving him milk from a feeder bottle. I told her this was bollocks and that he'll never be able to stop at schoolmates houses as they'd rip the piss out of him and she seems to have taken note as he slept in my bed with me without even asking for any milk and was dry in the morning. Mattress and bedsheets 1, Pudding Jr 0! We had a good time together and he wouldn't stop kissing me the soppy little get! Making the most of it though because now he's at school he'll want less and less of me.

Anyway, about 30 minutes before closing on Sunday a woman and 3 lasses walked in and ordered some beers and I knew one of them so greeted her by saying "What you drinking bitch?" and we had a natter. When they left one of the lasses has lost her phone so was looking for it and just came out and said "You've got gorgeous eyes. They are dead sexy!". Well they are pretty fucking nice if I may say so myself and women love them! Anyway I said nothing and just smiled then after she found her phone she gave me her number and said "I'll be seeing you again sexy eyes", gave me a peck on the cheek and walked out! LOL! Of course I stored the number as you never know when the presence of Pud's pork will be requested! Not heard fromthem since, probably never will!

Former Mrs P and I are getting on well again which is always good. There are still a lot of feelings flying around and I think there is still some chemistry there too which is always nice. We we chatting at silly O'Clock on Sunday morning and we were laughing out heads off at the shite we were coming out with. She's a crazy bitch and has got more and more sarcastic and quick witted but then again she has learned from the master, aka Me, although she argues it's from her dad she gets it from! Whenever we are getting on my poker playing improves, it's weird! If ever I make it to the WSOP then I'll have to take her with me as a good luck charm!

Speaking of poker, I have played fuck all, not a single hand, mainly due to Full Tilt being wank and taking forever with my withdrawal. Thankfully I have been given a $50 loan until this clears so I should be able to play tonight. Part of the terms of the loan, which I stipulated, were I played 4 games of 4/180's on Stars and I promised 15% of my action from these 4 games. So if by some major miracle I won all 4, my loan guy would receive $179.96 back for his $50! Would be nice! I'm going to play these games tonight and I can't wait to hit the table with my new attitude and without being fuelled on ale! I have to go drop an external hard drive off in Wakefield when I get back to the pub from work but I should be logging on about half seven or something like that if you wanna say hi or sign up for a couple of games. I'm looking forward to hitting the tables, well I say that now but will probably want to kill someone about half an hour into them!

Two big congrats. First to Annette_15 who has been killing online this year but has just won £1m and a bracelet for taking down the WSOPE in London aged just 18. It's great for poker if it attracts some new, fresh fillies into the game! Also, congrats to UkGatsby who went real deep in Event 5 of the WCOOP on Stars for a $10.7k score. Nice work mate!

That's all for now. Some proper poker content should appear tomorrow if I manage to play 4 games tonight! Take care all.

Cash Is Dead! Long Live MTT's!

I've decided to stop grinding the cash games because I just cannot motivate myself to play them for some reason despite already making $100 this month. Since I've come back from my mini holiday I've hardly played a hand of poker and when I have I've ended up only playing 25 minutes or so where before I'd log 2-3 hour sessions. I can't put my finger on a particular reason, maybe it's because they're not exciting enough for me! With that in mind I've decided to hit the $4.40 180 man games over on PokerStars.

This morning, whilst Pudding Jr was having some breakfast I went through all the MTT's that I have played so far this year. I've mentioned before that as a general rule I've only ever entered MTT's when pissed or sometimes tilting because I know I can only lose a set amount of money by playing bad. More recently though I've been researching MTT's and have discovered how profitable they can be, especially at the lower stakes. I counted every MTT that I had entered on Full Tilt and PokerStars that had 90 or more people in and I was shocked to see I have only played 53 games. Some guys play this over 2 days because of the variance involved in these things.

Out of these 53 games I hit the money 15.09% of the time but my ROI is -16.69% meaning I've made a loss of $43.92 this year from MTT's. My average finish is 130/348 and I lose on average $0.83 per game so basically I am losing but almost break even. However, if I only take the 180 man games into consideration I have played 29, finish ITM 20.69% of the time with an ROI of 54.61% and a profit of $69.68. My average finish in these is 55/180 which means I make around $2.40 per tournament entered. I mean these figures are nothing to write home about but profit is profit and these figures also include when I first started out with the 180's where I failed to cash 7 games in a row and also another spell of not cashing for 8 straight games which happened a couple of months ago!

So once I have finished my barshift tonight I am going to fire up a couple of these, maybe 4, and hope to improve on these figures and get much closer to a 100% ROI and start to make this bitch we call poker start to pay!