Ring Games And Pizza And Dwarves...Oh My!

I was so close to totally jacking in poker last night you wouldn't believe. I've hit a bad spell of variance and I'm managing to double the effects of running bad by playing like a cunt! I don't know what is the matter with me but I'm making some God awful decisions as of late and my confidence is shattered and I've lost all focus. Usually I'd laugh it off but despite normal life being pretty good at the minute, online life is fucking wank.

I entered the $15k Guaranteed on Stars last night along with Amafish and Cogsgoigne from Raise The River. It has 10 minute blinds and is only $11 to enter so thought why not, as did 2060 odd other fish. Nothing much happened but I caught a few hands and somehow managed to get up to around 3k with blinds at 25/50. I then made a play which cost me nearly all my chips. A donk open min-raises in MP1 and I look down at 66 and decide to raise things up to 300, planning to c-bet or come over the top on most flops representing a big pair, all fold to MP1 who calls. Flop come Ad4s3s. Villain checks and I bet 500 into a 675 pot. Villain then pushes for 1965 meaning it costs me 1465 to call giving me more than 2/1. I know he hasn't got an ace, I just know from watching him he's doing this with some sort of draw maybe even something like 55 (he was a donk) and I call. He shows KsTs and I'm ahead but a dog in the hand. Turn is a slag of diamonds giving him about a million outs and of course the river brings the Jack of spades to complete his flush but also a straight for good measure! I managed to then double up with AJ vs A7 in a BvB battle and I hung around for a while before pushing 77 UTG with an M of 7 into AdJd. Obviously he flops a fish hook and turns a flush just to really fucking rub it in! I finish 893 from about 2070. Cunt.

Cell was railing and couldn't believe some of the hands. AT beating AA by rivering a boat. 76 flopping trips then turning a straight and filling up on the river! My 66 hand above. In one hand I folded KQs to a raise and re-raise and the fucking flop comes KKQ! Stars was certainly on top form last night! I'm not saying it's rigged but I can see why people would think it is! I also played like a total wanker in a 4/180 and came 53rd. Like I mentioned in my opening paragraph I am running bad but I'm also making bad decisions. An example is the 66 hand. It was correct in that I was ahead when the money went in but I was a dog by the river. I was that pissed off with myself that I even sat at a couple of fixed limit table for about 20 hands but realised why I stopped playing it! I need to get a grip, get back to basics and get back on track and start a fresh challenge.

Our Oriental cousins love the number 8. It is considered lucky and right now I need some luck! So I am going to start a challenge for myself that shouldn't be overly difficult but at the same time satisfying! I'm going to start with $88 and try to turn that into $888 in 88 days! Now if that doesn't bring me some fucking luck I don't know what will! LMAO! All those snowmen have got to help me haven't they? I'm also probably going to do this on Party Poker and be a stalker to Spunk Sock and Amatay, the main reason being is they run full ring NL4 which means I'll have a healthy 22 buyins to start off with rather than risking going busto from the off and playing scared with what would be 8 buyins at NL10. I might start to take a shot at NL10 once I am up to $120 but if I drop a couple of buyins then I'll come back down to NL4 and rebuild. I'm also only going to play 1 table initially so that I can get back into the grove but I imagine I'll be playing at least 4 table by the end of next week. I've always ran like shit on Party so let's hope that changes!

In other news, it seems like God has let all the really annoying people out at once to follow me around on public transport. Sat on the bus last night there were two girls talking rather loudly about total fucking tripe. I was flicking through HOH2 when I heard them start to talk about titties and how this lass went for her jugs measuring and she thought she was a D but really she's an F and that the woman measuring her couldn't keep her eyes of her chebs. Obviously I had to check out this amazing rack so cunningly sat almost side saddle on the seat only to be greeted with something from Beauty and the Geek talking to fucking Shrek! God she was awful. Yeah she might have had huge tits but that's because you love cake my darling and the bull dyke measure your baps will be the only fucker who wants to see them so get over yourself!

As always though God's own city of Leeds cheered me up by delivering me a dwarf! But not just any dwarf, a black dwarf! I've never seen one before and was pretty amazed I'd seen one, they must be rare, like white dog shit! Anyway I watched his little legs go like bees wings as he tried to carry his body sized rucksack through the bustling crowds and it made me think. Do dwarves have normal sized cocks? How great would it be if you were a dwarf and had a normal sized knob! This got me thinking about dwarf porn and Bridget The Midget in particular and I decided I probably couldn't fuck her but I might let her suck me off! Actually nah, thinking about it now I probably could nail it if I am honest! I think I need to do some internet research later and report my findings! I've added a poll underneath my blogroll to see what my readers think.

My arse has been owned by a pizza! Yes a pizza, the shit the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles eat. I thought it would be a good idea to get a "Spicy Meat Ball" pizza for supper, I'd had them before and they were a bit pokey but nothing crazy. Well the cunts must have changed chefs and employed a sadistic bastard! He's replaced the tomato puree with lava, the spicy meat balls with fireballs and the normal green peppers for fucking Jalapenos! I had horrific wind on the way into work today but have relieved that by firing out what felt like 3.5kg of chopped liver out of my arse followed by two pisses, also out of my arse. I daren't fart and my mudhole feels like it is gaping like a heavily pummelled pornstar's would an hour later. Nice pizza but never again!

Well that's all for now folks. I hope you have a great weekend despite the fact it is pissing it down right now and I wish you the best of luck at the tables!