I've Been Tagged!

No boys and girls the law hasn't caught up with me and given me a curfew to save the innocent on the streets, more like a fellow blogger, Voice Of Joe,I requesting that I give you readers seven little facts about me and then I ask another blogger to do the same. I'm actually working on a 100 facts about Pudding post so this will kind of kick start me I guess!

1.) I suffered 3rd degree burns (total tissue devastation) to the left side of my body and my lower arms when I was three years old that required skin grafts and resulted in some pretty funky scars! In true Pudding style I didn't do this with a kettle or chip pan but with a batch of fucking home brew! My dad used to make it and whilst he was creating a batch and boiling it all up I was in the garden playing and was swinging the garden fork around when I nearly took the little girl from next door's, Mary-Jane (WTF?!) head off! My dad took it off me and locked it in the shed and in a tantrum I ran after him and ran straight into the "cauldron" of boiling hops and stuff. The rest is history!

2.) I've done more life shit in the past five years than most people do in a lifetime! Five years ago I was buying my own brand new house, owned two cars and a motorbike and had just returned from an all-inclusive 2 week holiday to Vilu Reef in the Maldives. I then became a dad to Pudding Jr, worked for two separate companies during mergers, was made redundant, passed my driving test, been involved in a car crash and a motorbike crash, I have moved house 7 times in 5 years, and was also declared bankrupt with £28k debts. Is there anything else left to do aged 26?

3.) Surprise surprise I love to entertain and be near to the centre of attention. It makes my day to make someone laugh, even if it is at me rather than with me and I'll often come out with a really crap, cringe-worthy joke just to get a reaction of someone who seems down. Despite all this I am actually pretty shy and I'm only a bit crazy within my circle of friends!

4.) I'm actually pretty intelligent and naturally academic which is why Cogsgoigne on Raise The River Christened me the Intelligent Mentalist! I left school with only my GCSE's but I did get 6A's, 2B's and 2C's for my lack of effort. I jacked in my A-levels in Biology, Chemistry and Maths after two terms mainly because I just couldn't be arsed, despite being told I would almost certainly achieve 3A's. My problem is I find things easy and therefore boring and I always need a challenge to keep me on my toes or I drift and get into trouble! Once I'm settled I'll be doing a degree from home because it's a waste not using my natural abilities. I wanted to do accountancy but I can't by law because of my bankruptcy!

5.) I remember the first time I shot my muck, aged about 11. The reason I remember it vividly is because I quite badly burned my finger! I used to mess around like lads do but whenever I got to the "tingling" feeling, vinegar strokes basically, I stopped. Well this time I decided I was going to carry on and see what happened! Off I went tugging away and eventually things happened and something came out of the end and I thought "Fuck me I've broken it!" Excited and worried I got out of bed to clean up but noticed something on my index finger which flicked off. It wasn't jizz but I had a veruca and had put that cream on which dries then you pick it off and it eventually kills the cunt. Well before my wank I must have been picking at it and taken off the applied lotion which had dried. When I flicked it, it stuck to the lightbulb on my lamp and started burning so I scraped it off with my finger, to which it stuck, causing a blister and excruciating pain. During my attempt to run to the bathroom, pants around my ankles, spunk on hand, melted mess on blistered finger I managed to fall on the landing and wipe the jizz on the carpet! Have you ever tried to get man fat off a carpet with toilet tissue? Not a great experience I can tell you!

6.) Former Mrs P and current Mrs Pudding both read my blog. I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing! On the subject of lady friends, with the exception of my first ever proper girlfriend I've never gone out with anyone older than me. I don't know why that is, it just seems to be the case. Current Mrs P is the biggest age gap yet as I'm in my prime at 26 and she's a baby-like 19! I'm more of a long term guy and the three serious relationships I had lasted 18 months, 4 years and nearly 3 years on and off. This one is the last one though I'm sure!

7.) I've broken my right, wanking, arm twice now and it's a bit weak. 1st time I was pissed up on Stella Hard Twat and saw a bloke about to hit a woman so ran over like a cock and shaped to twat him. He side stepped and punched me in the face ninja like and I fell like a sack of shit and landed awkwardly on my arm and broke it! Second time I was on my motorbike in the middle of summer and saw two skantly clad ladies at the side of the road. By the time I had stopped rubber-necking I was inches away from a Landrover Discovery's arse end and still doing 30mph. Needless to say I hit it full on!

Well that's me for now I guess. I'll have the t'internet at home on November 27th when I'll be hitting the tables again and will try post my 100 Pudding facts for you to gasp and chuckle at! Two people I would have tagged no longer have blogs so I tag Amatay, my favourite fish!