Lost My Bloggerment Cherry!

I finally played in my first Brit Bloggerment on Sunday as I no longer have to work Sunday's since jacking in my bar job and moving out from the pub and I managed to finish 3rd from 22 entrants for a $22.00 return on my $5.50. Not a bad start eh? 100% ITM and 300% ROI. I almost didn't play because I couldn't register for the fucking thing! No matter if I typed in capitals or lower case it wouldn't accept the password, then all of a sudden it decided to accept it and I was in my first Bloggerment.

With 22 entrants we were short handed from the off and I found myself sandwiched between Cell 1919 and Al Eleven. I've played a couple of times with Cell and I read his blog regularly so I knew what to expect but I've never seen Al Eleven play although I had been told he can be pretty loose and aggressive. Anyway, things didn't get off to the greatest of starts and I soon found myself hovering around the 1100 chips mark when I changed gears, hit a couple of hands and was suddenly back up to around 2k and a little more comfortable. I managed to lay down 2 pair on a highly coordinated board against an unknown and a ran an awful bluff against Hammerheid which looking back at it he should have called but I got away with it. I came to the money bubble as the short stack, I was joined there by Cogsgoigne, Poker 4 Ever and Katitude and Katitude was sitting out making it a strange bubble. I ran a couple of moves based on the fact that I was the short stack with the reasoning why would I make a play without a monster when I could fold to the money. I ended up busting in 3rd when my J9 hit on a flop of xJK and was up against Cog's pocket Cowboys and I was practically drawing dead. My tournament seems to have been remembered for the following two hands though. What do you think?

Poker Stars, $5 + $0.50 NL Hold'em Tournament, 50/100 Blinds, 7 Players
LeggoPoker.com - Hand History Converter

UTG+1: 2,160
MP: 2,350
CO: 1,895
BTN: 2,745
SB: 1,205
Hero (BB): 2,730
UTG: 1,385

Pre-Flop: (150) Q 9 dealt to Hero (BB)

4 folds, BTN raises to 400, SB folds, Hero raises to 1,300, BTN raises to 2,745 and is All-In, Hero calls 1,430 and is All-In

Flop: (5,510) T 4 Q (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

Turn: (5,510) 3 (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

River: (5,510) 2 (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

Results: 5,510 Pot

BTN showed J A (high card Ace) and LOST (-2,730 NET)

Hero showed Q 9 (a pair of Queens) and WON 5,510 (+2,780 NET)

The second hand was posted on Cell 1919's blog as it knocked him out and pissed him off slightly! 4 handed, ATo is a monster to me so I raise it up. I'd been pretty active and wasn't surprised to see Cell push. Cell is pretty tight but getting 1.9/1 odds I have to call here with AT and hope for a hand like 77-99. Instead I was up against JJ and sucked out in the worst possible way with a runner-runner wheel! I think it was the way he busted at the final table bubble that made him pissed off not my actual call. I would call here with almost any holdings as I'd still have an M of 14 if I lost out.

Poker Stars, $5 + $0.50 NL Hold'em Tournament, 75/150 Blinds, 4 Players
LeggoPoker.com - Hand History Converter

SB: 5,260
BB: 3,545
Hero (UTG): 4,455
BTN: 1,210

Pre-Flop: (225) T A dealt to Hero (UTG)

Hero raises to 450, BTN raises to 1,210 and is All-In, 2 folds, Hero calls 760

Flop: (2,645) 5 Q 4 (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

Turn: (2,645) 2 (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

River: (2,645) 3 (2 Players - 1 is All-In)

Results: 2,645 Pot

Hero showed T A (a straight, Ace to Five) and WON 2,645 (+1,435 NET)

BTN showed J J (a pair of Jacks) and LOST (-1,210 NET)

To say it was my first MTT for over a month that had decent opposition in it I don't think I did too badly to be honest. There were a couple of times where I rode my luck and looking through the HH I made a couple of silly moves but hey ho we live and learn. Not sure if I'll be playing in the next one because I've withdrawn my roll and stuck it on Betfair for some silly reason!

Thanks for reading and good luck at the tables!

Making Plans For 2008

Readers of my blog will recognise the fact that I make up stupid challenges, stick with them for a few weeks and then ditch them like a hot potato. There are a couple of reasons for this, first one is up until now I've been a bit of a mental mess and if I'm honest it took me all my focus and attention to get up and ready for work on a morning. Second one was the fact I lived in a pub so drank an awful lot, ate at the wrong times and was pretty unhealthy. I also ended up covering the bar a few times so couldn't try my arm at MTT's properly because of the time factor. Lastly, I started trying to run before I could walk by playing up to 10 tables of SnG's and 6 tables of cash when if I am honest with myself I hadn't even really mastered a single table.

Things have changed now. I am, for the whole, mentally sound. I've got a new flat, with a great new woman and things are going brilliant and that was 90% of my worries and mental anguish. I'm kind of back on track at work and even though it's not great or what I want to do for the rest of my life my job is pretty secure and back in my hands. Although I'm no fitness freak, eating healthier, at proper times and having plenty of sexytime have helped me shed over half a stone and my sleeping is, when not broken by a screaming baby, back to normal and a solid 6 hours a night and I feel on top of the world. Money is still tighter than a virgin's fanny but Mrs P is awesome and is helping out on that front too. The foundations seem in place for a long term challenge, the only problem I can see is the timing of things.

I'm pretty obsessive about a few things and one of them is starting points of anything. I couldn't, even if I tried, start a challenge or project of any sort on say the 9th of the month, it'd have to be the first of the month or it would niggle me to death which is why now is a bad time to start anything new because in 30 odd days we are at the start of a brand new year, The Year Of The Pudding! Now I'm not a great player, nor do I pretend to be, but I am know 100% that I am better than a lot of the donkeys playing at my stakes. I am a student of the game, I buy and read books and forums, discuss hands and situations and try to understand more advanced concepts and plays I see and read about. Half the retards at the micro's don't even know the odds of drawing to a gutshot, never mind reverse implied odds and the like. It's time to exploit these fish!

One problem I've had is focussing on a particular discipline and sticking with it. I started off two years ago with fixed limit hold'em cash, moved to no limit hold'em cash, and within the last 6-9 months I've played SnG's, NLHE cash, FLHE cash, PLO, 7 card stud, and MTT's and never once have I devoted enough time to log a good sample size to see how I cope with them. Also, during playing these games I've always played 4-6 tables and relied on PokerTracker stats displayed by PAHUD software so I'm never gathering reads or making proper notes, just assuming that because a player with stats of 20/7/1 has opened with a raise from MP2 and bet a scare card on the river it means result X and I don't want to be that player, especially as I want to play a lot more live poker in the coming year. I want to become a better overall player, not just one that makes money, if that makes sense.

So, on Tuesday 1st January, 2008 I will start a year long challenge that will take me 366 days to complete and even if I don't make my monetary goal I'll be delighted if I can achieve the others, even though you may think they are small and silly!

• Follow correct bankroll management at all times (details to follow)


• Play a solitary table until I feel I am reading the players properly and accurately


• Only add an extra table when comfortable, not just to log more hands per hour


• Do not educate the fish


• Only play when I want to not just because I can


• Use table selection correctly


• Discuss at least two hands per session on forums


• Dedicate a minimum of an hour a week analysing any data collected


• Play live at least 12 times during 2008, including one festival


• Make at least $15,000 clear profit!

Now they seem pretty straightforward goals in terms of someone who has played for a couple of years now but I'm going to go back to relative basics so that I can emerge from the otherside a much better player. Now I've still not decided on which discipline I'll be playing initially because I need to factor in a few things like my starting bankroll and time I can dedicate to playing. Before I could, within reason, play when I wanted despite having to help in the pub but now I have Mrs P to think about and although she's not bothered about me playing it's hardly fair me caning the tables for hours on end, night after night plus I don't want to play every day anyway as I lose focus and play like a shit head. Bankroll permitting I'll probably start by playing cash for a couple of months until I have the bankroll to be fully bankrolled for some half decent MTT's because I have never given MTT's a real chance and I'd like to play a couple of hundred of them and see how I fair. Oh and for earning $15k next year through poker, if I can do it I will spunk in my pants! It was just a number plucked out of my head by the way! Profit type goals are likely to change but the first 8 goals / projects are set in stone. The rest of this month and all of December will be used to play whatever I like and hopefully turn a small profit ready for January.

I'm also starting a brand new blog for the new year too which is being hosted by UK Poker Scene who have recently joined us over at Raise The River so it'll be a totally fresh start for me and hopefully a successful one! I'll sort you out with the address etc once I have it up and running properly.

As always, thanks for reading and good luck at the tables.

Conning Bastard Service Stations!

Well I now have a set of wheels for three months as my former landlord is currently flying towards Calgary, Canada, until Valentine's Day 2008. We finally set off about half ten or eleven after we'd sorted out the car seat for Step Pud, stuck some massively overpriced fuel (99.9p a litre) in the motor and gathered some goodies for the trip to Sutton, London. Having never been to our nation's capital I was quite looking forward to it but not to the 10 hour round trip with a 1 year old baby stuck in a car!

Nothing of note happened on the way there, I ate my Cajan Chicken Wrap, Prawn Cocktail crisps and beef jerky and flicked through the Daily Star. I swear that paper is awful. If you wiped your arse on it more shit would come off the paper! I only bought it because there were no Sun's (still a shit rag) left and there is a poker section in the Star. I think we were all bored to tears and Mrs P kept nipping my and kicking the back of my chair to keep me on my toes and we soon stopped for a break and to change Step Pud's arse at the Watford Gap Services. The Landlord bought all three of us a coffee and it cost the poor cunt £9.30! To be fair the coffees came in buckets and were quite nice but fuck me £3.10 for a coffee. It wasn't a complete disaster though as I put a pound in some toy machine and out popped a fart bomb which I had to promise not to let off in the car / services / anywhere near Mrs P or the Landlord!

We eventually arrived at the Landlord's mate's flat, unloaded the car, had a brew and set back off around half six. Traffic was a fucking nightmare to say the least and it didn't help it was pitch black, in a huge city I didn't know, raining and rush hour! Somehow we survived, stuck some more petrol in the car, bought fags and hit the M25. When we finally arrived at Silverstone services I was starved so we decided to stop for a rest and food. After the customary pisses and baby arse change we went to Burger King for some fuel. I got an Angus pepper Special and the robbing bastards charged me £6.20 for the meal. Fuck me! I almost said I only asked for one! Mr's P's came to over £5 too, no wonder there's a Ladbrokes there too, it'll be so you can try to win on the nags to offset your food costs. How can the robbing cunts charge that? After my shock we hit the road again and despite Step Pud screaming for about 45 miles we made it home in one piece around half ten. Oh, we did stop at Asda for beers too cos I was mentally fucked from the driving, it took a lot out of me sat at 85mph for all that time in the dark and rain when I've not driven further than 15 miles for about a year!

We managed to get Step Pud off to sleep and we relaxed with a beer or two watching shite on the box for a small while before Mrs P said she was hitting the hay. The thought of her in skimpy shorts and bare titties overpowered Tom Cruise in Born On The 4th July so I joined her! Anyway, some travelling tension was lost and I got out of bed for something and saw Step Pud stand up in his cot so I ran into the bathroom and shut the door. Mrs P came out and asked what I was doing so I told her Step Pud was awake so she quickly turned out the lights and we stood in silence. Silence until I let out a big fart which set me and Mrs P off laughing and mid chuckle another came out which woke up Step Pud and made him cry. Twenty six and finding farts funny, I need to sort myself out! When I managed to get him back off to sleep I was busting for a piss but daren't walk past the cot in case I woke him up again so I made an executive decision to piss in an empty wine bottle! LMAO!

I also played in the Bloggerment for the first time on Saturday and managed to cash in 3rd but I'll be doing a report on that game later because I got stick from some of my hands, as usual, and was going to explain my actions on a few plays!

Cliff notes - Went to London, Got bummed at Burger King, Drove home, had beer and sexy time, woke baby up with a fart pissed in a bottle, played Bloggerment for 1st time and cashed.

Thanks for reading and good luck at the tables!

Frustrating Start To The Campaign

I manged to play a whopping 5 SnG's last night,cashing in two, bubbling two and donking out of one in 6th place to record a loss of $1.50. The play in these is so horrific I think I'm going to play no less than 8 games at once and just play ABC poker and a few plays based on Poker Tracker stats and not even try to play the player as they are retarded!

I started off playing pretty poorly on 4 tables after my month off and made a couple of weak bluffs that even David Blunkett would have seen but I soon settled down and got to work. I quite liked this play with T8s where I just knew the fish was chasing a flush, pure aggression rules the day!

Am I thinking wrong or was villain's preflop call horrific in this hand which I bubbled? How the fuck can he flat call a raise and reraise with JT? Oh it was suited! My first attempt at a chat ban followed the hand but I didn't succeed! My luck against JT continued in another game where the fucking hand cracked my KK, then this wanker calls on the bubble with QJo? His comments of "haha bye" were met with me ranting but still no ban despite calling him a Norweigan cunt. Never mind.

I did manage a 3rd and 2nd but I should have won the game where I came 2nd because the fish was so bad but it was midnight, I was knackered, had Mrs P asleep with her head on my lap and I ended up pushing with rags, he called with better rags which held. If I'd have won that I'd have been in profit for the night but whatever. Planning to hit 10-12 SnG's tonight whilst Mrs P watches X Factor of all things so hopefully the wheels of profit will begin to turn once more. If I can make more than $10 profit by tomorrow I'll play the Bloggerment for the first time which should be fun!

Thanks for reading and good luck at the bubble!

Connected.....In A Fashion

Well the Pudding household is back online, well sort of. My "livebox" router / modem came yesterday from the goons at Orange and I started to set it up right away. My old Belkin router was a right pain in the arse to setup but this seemed nice and simple, plug in a few wires, run a CD and hey presto you're ready to go, in theory at least. Power on, check. Cables attached correctly, check. Installation CD instructions followed to the letter, check. Internet active. Go fuck yourself you piece of shit! I can connect with the ethernet cable but not via my Belkin wireless card. I've turned off security etc and nothing. Any ideas readers because playing with a wired connection seems pointless with a laptop especially when there is an 11 month rug-rat with a liking for cables and wires, shuffling around the place!

Another gripe I have is they said it would be an 8MB connection but it seems closer to 3MB at the moment but they did warn me it could fluctuate massively for around 2 weeks whilst my connection settled down. I think the guy from customer services in Calcutta was taking the piss to be honest! I've been searching the net today and hopefully will sort things out by the time I hit the hay later tonight. I didn't start playing last night mainly because I didn't have my roll on one site and also because I couldn't be arsed although I did fire up 10 tables to see if the connection could handle it and all seemed ok. I might try for a set of 4-6 tonight but I have Pud Jr staying over and he likes to hog it for Cbeebies and Mrs P has a slight addiction to MySpace too so I might not get to even log on at all, guess we'll see.

Not much planned for the weekend due to only having something like £2.53 until Monday although I should get £80 tomorrow from selling my cooker to a woman from accounts. I finally managed to sort a van out and Mrs P has offered to help move it so all should be ok. Think Mrs P and I might end up going for a few jars tomorrow night when Pudding Jr has gone home and get a chinky for tea or something because we've basically been stuck in the house since the move and it can get you down sometimes and I think she needs to let her hair down a little with all the grief she's been getting from the situation we've found ourselves in! At least we've no Step Pud until at least Sunday night so we can have a sleep in on Sunday which is great, especially as I don't have to go to work behind the bar anymore!

Fingers crossed I get off to a good start and hopefully get chat banned over the weekend!

Site Decided And Mini Challenge!

I've decided to ply my trade on PokerStars, at least until the New Year when I will be setting myself some longer term plans to make some decent cash. My reasoning for this is how quickly the games fill up on Stars, how great they are for multitabling on a shitty laptop screen, I have some sort of bonus (I think) pending and the fact most of my RTR buddies mainly play there.

With my roll being a paltry $50 I have decided to spice things up a little and set myself a challenge to keep things interesting and stop me going totally crazy whilst I grind out the $1.20 SnG's on Joker*/River*/Rigged*Stars (*delete as applicable). I have made a post here on Raise The River just for the sake of it. For you lazy bastards who can't be bothered clicking the link here is my mini challenge that must be completed before 0000 on 25th December 2007.

• Play 300 $1.20 SnG's


• Make at least $100 profit from said SnG's (approx 30% ROI)


• Get chat banned from PokerStars support


• Send humerous email to PokerStars support re: Chat Ban


• Play in at least one Bloggerment


• Abuse BurnleyMik everytime I bump into him at the tables. If chat banned relay my abuse through someone else via MSN


• Win the remaining place in the DTD Wild Card tournament


• Teach Kenn how to flat call

Now abusing Mik should be easy as it is my standard procedure when I log onto Stars so I can tick that one off my list right away. Playing in the bloggerment should be easy too but now I don't work Sunday's I'd like to spend some time with Mrs P so may need clearance to play! I might not be able to play the Wild Card tournament on DTD so this may have to be scrubbed off and teaching Kenn to flat call when he's probably removed that button from his screen is almost impossible but I can but try.

Being able to play 300 SnG's in 30/32 days and still maintain a 30% ROI is going to be difficult but it should be doable if I don't drink or go on Pudding Tilt. The play is horrific but that's what we want long term and although 300 games isn't a massive amount it should be enough to get on the good side of variance, fingers crossed. I won't be and can't play everyday so I'm going to have to really grind when I get the oppurtunity.

Finally, the chat ban. I've seen loads of people banned for calling someone a fish or typing in the card they want to see over and over again which is stupid. I've called people wankers, cunts, twats, bastards, wished AIDS on them, told them I hoped their tampon turned into a hedgehog and even said Lee Jones sucks cock and I've not come close to a warning. Maybe my chat account is rigged. This is the hardest part of the challenge because I need someone to report me and the fuckers won't. To make it fair I won't just sit there typing "I hate Jews" in Mel Gibson stylee I have to get banned for berating a fish!

Should be fun!

Ol' Blue Eyes Is Back!

Like a phoenix from the flames and bloke's cock first thing in the morning, Pud rises again! I've just received an email telling me that my phone line is now ready for 8MB broadband internet all I have to do is connect my "Livebox" and away I go. Small problem though Orange you cunts, I do not have my "Livebox" yet! I came home yesterday to a card through the letterbox saying they'd been but the parcel needs a signature so they'll try to deliver again today, hopefully Mrs P will be in to sign for it so I can get playing again, especially as she's off out Saturday night as it'll give me something to do!

I'm surprisingly awake today despite being woke up by step Pud a couple of times last night. First time was 0055 when it felt closer to 0600 and we stuck him in bed with us so he'd stay asleep. The previous night Mrs P hardly slept and it didn't help that step Pud kicked her and wriggled like a worm next to her keeping her awake so me being the nice guy I am, and also used to Pud Jr kicking ten lumps out of me when he sleeps over, I offered to be a barrier between them! When I woke up, late, this morning, Step Pud was in the middle of us and I wasn't sure how it happened so I text Mrs P. Apparently in the middle of the night he climbed over me and over my head and got close to his mum. By all accounts I told him to fuck off, which I don't remember, but I feel bad for telling an 11 month old to fuck off but I suppose he was sat on my head!

As I said earlier Mrs P is off out on Saturday night with a couple of mates and despite it being the first night I've not worked on a Saturday, so I'll be on my own, I'm not bothered. I'm going to get myself 4 cans, a nice piece of steak and hopefully play some poker until she comes home pissed up! She really needs a break and a good night out because all the recent goings on have taken their toll for obvious reasons. One by product of the stress is she keeps doing silly things which have included putting on two pairs of pants, looking for her phone when it was ringing in her hand, washing herself in shampoo then conditioner instead of shower gel and looking for her slippers when they were already on her feet! It's actually quite funny and she'll kill me for putting it on here but hey ho! A night out with the girls should do her well and then I can be really sympathetic on Sunday morning when she's rough as a badger's arse! I've no step Pud until Sunday night, possibly Monday as he's going to his dad's tonight and then his grandma's and back to his dad's which will give us both, especially Mrs P, some much needed unbroken sleep!

Nothing much else going on really if I'm honest. We've Pud Jr staying over Friday night but he's well behaved and never a problem, I've to deliver a cooker to Leeds on Saturday morning, show my sympathetic side to a hungover Mrs P on Sunday and then possibly drive to London and then Burnley on Monday. Hopefully somewhere in between that I'll be able to fit in some poker and start earning some cash again. On which note, would anyone be able to do a transfer of either $30 on Stars for Full Tilt or $20 on Full Tilt for Stars as I can't deposit and have my roll, for want of a better word, spread across the two!

As always, thanks for reading and good luck at the tables!

*****EDIT*****

Mrs P text to say she's signed for my "Livebox" so I could be back online tonight. Also, the bottom of our fridge is full of wine. Unfortunately it's not still in the bottle!

This Is Going To Be A Real Grind!

After much thought and deliberation I have decided that I am going to, initially, leave the cash games alone and instead try to master SnG's on Full Tilt. The main reasons for this are the constraints of my current bankroll and the playing time and conditions. My entire bankroll is going to be almost exactly $50 which would mean I would have to short stack NL2 on Stars and that would drive me insane in less than 25 minutes. Also, by the time I get home, eat, shower and we get Step Pud settled it's at least 2100, sometimes later, and it's hardly fair to expect Mrs P to sit there whilst I hit the tables, plus I'd never get to talk properly to her or anything as I'd have to concentrate on 6-8 cash tables whereas with SnG I can play 8-12 easily with little in the way of concentration.

My $50 roll means that I am going to be stuck playing the $1.25 Turbo's on Full Tilt with only 40 buy ins which isn't ideal but it is manageable. I should be able to hit an ROI of around 25% at these stakes even if I 8-10 table which would mean a profit of $0.31 per game which would mean I would be rolled for the $2.25's with 50 buy-ins within about 200 games. From there I plan to grind the $2.25 games until I am rolled for 65 buy-ins for the $6.50 games which will mean I need $310 profit which I estimate will take me around 700 games at a 20% ROI. So in short I plan to be fully rolled for the $6.50's by Christmas. I'll also be earning the paltry sum of $0.06 per game from rakeback, maybe $0.07 if they round up as the figure is $0.0675 per game which will mean I get around $60 in rakeback which will come in handy. So 900-1000 SnG's in 25 days is going to take some doing but playing continuously for a couple of hours with 10 tables this should be pretty easy if I don't go mad first!

Things on the home front are still going good and it feels as if we've lived together for ages and not just two weeks. I feel comfortable around Mrs P no matter what we're doing and Step Pud seems to have settled too and really likes me. Last night I was messing about with a Bob The Builder helmet with him, putting it on him and then on me and just been daft and he game me a cuddle and one of those baby kisses where they attempt to eat your whole head! Apart from being more mentally healthy I'm feeling in top shape despite suffering with the tail end of a cold. I'm hardly drinking anymore, eating healthier and at a proper time and I've lost half a stone since I moved in but that could also be because of the 4 miles of walking a day, mostly uphill and the amount of sexy time we're getting through, which may I add I seem to have mastered again and got pretty good once more if I say so myself! Week off this week though as Liverpool are playing at home if you know what I mean! LOL! Mrs P is going to see her ex this afternoon because he said he wants to talk and I hope it doesn't upset her too much because I know how she thinks and overthinks things and I remember when I split up from Pud Jr's mum we had a similar talk and it was mainly her crying at me and telling me she loved me still and shit like that. At least once this is out of the way he should know it's done and dusted and everyone can move on fully.

I no longer work at the pub which I have mixed feelings about. My last shift was Sunday and the new landlord and land lady don't want any staff at all so I have more free time which is good but I suppose I will miss some of the craic there because it was a laugh. The vast majority of the customers are twats but there are a few decent people there who have become friends and I'll certainly pop down now and again to see how they're getting on and of course sample some amber nectar too! I'll be seeing the landlord this coming Monday though as I am driving him down to Milton Keynes where he'll be staying with friends for a night before jetting off to Canada for three months leaving me in charge of his car which will be helpful. I think Mrs and Step Pud are coming along for the drive too so we'll have to do my ritual and stop a couple of times for the God awful toilets and massively overpriced KFC and Burger Kings! We've said we might stop off in Burnley on the way back too because Mrs P has friends there from way back when but we'll have to see what time we're at on the way back and how Step Pud is standing up to the travelling. Mik, I might even be able to say hi to you in your own town since you were too gay to come to the pub that time I was working in the pub and you were visiting Emm's olds or whatever!

That's about it for now boys and girls. Not much else to report on. I'm trying to keep my nose clean at work and so far so good but there is still that atmosphere and feeling that everything I do is being scrutinised and documented but I don't plan on being here for too much longer. I want to get Christmas and the New year out of the way before deciding anything and then I'm going to work something out because 2008 is going to be the year of the Pud! I have the chance of a totally fresh start because the constraints of my bankruptcy end, I have a new place, renewed health and a fantastic girl to build something with!

Oh and thanks to BurnleyMik who voted my "I've Been Tagged" post the blog post of the week on the Raise The River blog!

Thanks for reading and good luck at the tables!

Two Pairs Makes You Flush(ed)!

Still no internet at home although I do now have a sofa so no more sitting on the floor on a night when I get back from working! I received a phone call from the pub landlord asking if I wanted a couple of Ikea sofas that would definitely fit in the flat so obviously I said yes. If you remember a while ago I said former Mrs P was seeing some bloke from the pub who I thought was a bit of a cock. We had words and threats etc but nothing came of it and we're ok with each other now. Well it turns out they were his mate's sofas and he delivered them for me for the price of a pint! Small world! They not the best in the world but they were free and much better than the floor! See Pudding always falls on his feet eventually!

Things with Mrs Pudding and step Pud are going brilliant still and I'm really happy at the minute. Combine having these two around with not hardly drinking, eating at a proper time and not having to be in the pub, my head is well and truly sorted and I'm back to my best. Mrs P and I just buzz off each other because we can be serious or act like twats and not feel stupid for it! Sometimes though women do prove to be a bit slack! The other night she was knackered, Step Pud had been a pain in the arse all day and had woken up during the night so she was sleepy. I told her we'd have an early one so went to get ready for bed. As we laid there I cuddled her and she started laughing but wouldn't tell me why but she found something funny. I finally got it out of here yesterday that because she was so tired and not with it she'd stuck on two pairs of pants instead of one and this tickled her. I'd have laughed my cock off though if she hadn't realised and had gone for a piss, pulling one down and pissing through the others like my mate's girlfriend did the other year! I've done something similar today though and gone to work with shorts on instead of undies because I was in a mini rush, maybe it's catching! I also ended up washing up with my jeans and pants around my ankles the other day but that's another story!

It's my last weekend of working behind the bar with my last shift being Sunday so I expect a few ciders to be sunk. Can't go silly though as I have to be up early for work on the Monday plus there's not just me to worry about in the flat, don't like being drunk around babies or small kids anyway and it's not exactly fair on Mrs P me rolling in stinking of booze and being a knob whilst she's been with baby plus with my lack of drinking lately I have 5 pints and feel pretty tipsy! In a way I'll miss it because it can be a laugh but I finally get my weekends back and some freedom again.

I have passed some of your blog addresses to a guy named Michael Needham who contacted me via the comments on my blog. He's a genuine guy with a business proposal for you as he's a director of Dial A Dealer who are going to be major players in Home and Corporate Poker Nights. He's also working on a great new idea that I know most of my regular readers and Raise The River members will find very useful and I'm sure he'll inform you of when he contacts you at some point over the next few days.

One last thing. Post-It's are marvellous! Just write a little message on one, or a smily face and leave it somewhere for your missus to find! Guaranteed smile from your better half! Yes I'm a sad old romantic sometimes!

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading!

I've Been Tagged!

No boys and girls the law hasn't caught up with me and given me a curfew to save the innocent on the streets, more like a fellow blogger, Voice Of Joe,I requesting that I give you readers seven little facts about me and then I ask another blogger to do the same. I'm actually working on a 100 facts about Pudding post so this will kind of kick start me I guess!

1.) I suffered 3rd degree burns (total tissue devastation) to the left side of my body and my lower arms when I was three years old that required skin grafts and resulted in some pretty funky scars! In true Pudding style I didn't do this with a kettle or chip pan but with a batch of fucking home brew! My dad used to make it and whilst he was creating a batch and boiling it all up I was in the garden playing and was swinging the garden fork around when I nearly took the little girl from next door's, Mary-Jane (WTF?!) head off! My dad took it off me and locked it in the shed and in a tantrum I ran after him and ran straight into the "cauldron" of boiling hops and stuff. The rest is history!

2.) I've done more life shit in the past five years than most people do in a lifetime! Five years ago I was buying my own brand new house, owned two cars and a motorbike and had just returned from an all-inclusive 2 week holiday to Vilu Reef in the Maldives. I then became a dad to Pudding Jr, worked for two separate companies during mergers, was made redundant, passed my driving test, been involved in a car crash and a motorbike crash, I have moved house 7 times in 5 years, and was also declared bankrupt with £28k debts. Is there anything else left to do aged 26?

3.) Surprise surprise I love to entertain and be near to the centre of attention. It makes my day to make someone laugh, even if it is at me rather than with me and I'll often come out with a really crap, cringe-worthy joke just to get a reaction of someone who seems down. Despite all this I am actually pretty shy and I'm only a bit crazy within my circle of friends!

4.) I'm actually pretty intelligent and naturally academic which is why Cogsgoigne on Raise The River Christened me the Intelligent Mentalist! I left school with only my GCSE's but I did get 6A's, 2B's and 2C's for my lack of effort. I jacked in my A-levels in Biology, Chemistry and Maths after two terms mainly because I just couldn't be arsed, despite being told I would almost certainly achieve 3A's. My problem is I find things easy and therefore boring and I always need a challenge to keep me on my toes or I drift and get into trouble! Once I'm settled I'll be doing a degree from home because it's a waste not using my natural abilities. I wanted to do accountancy but I can't by law because of my bankruptcy!

5.) I remember the first time I shot my muck, aged about 11. The reason I remember it vividly is because I quite badly burned my finger! I used to mess around like lads do but whenever I got to the "tingling" feeling, vinegar strokes basically, I stopped. Well this time I decided I was going to carry on and see what happened! Off I went tugging away and eventually things happened and something came out of the end and I thought "Fuck me I've broken it!" Excited and worried I got out of bed to clean up but noticed something on my index finger which flicked off. It wasn't jizz but I had a veruca and had put that cream on which dries then you pick it off and it eventually kills the cunt. Well before my wank I must have been picking at it and taken off the applied lotion which had dried. When I flicked it, it stuck to the lightbulb on my lamp and started burning so I scraped it off with my finger, to which it stuck, causing a blister and excruciating pain. During my attempt to run to the bathroom, pants around my ankles, spunk on hand, melted mess on blistered finger I managed to fall on the landing and wipe the jizz on the carpet! Have you ever tried to get man fat off a carpet with toilet tissue? Not a great experience I can tell you!

6.) Former Mrs P and current Mrs Pudding both read my blog. I'm not sure if that is a good or bad thing! On the subject of lady friends, with the exception of my first ever proper girlfriend I've never gone out with anyone older than me. I don't know why that is, it just seems to be the case. Current Mrs P is the biggest age gap yet as I'm in my prime at 26 and she's a baby-like 19! I'm more of a long term guy and the three serious relationships I had lasted 18 months, 4 years and nearly 3 years on and off. This one is the last one though I'm sure!

7.) I've broken my right, wanking, arm twice now and it's a bit weak. 1st time I was pissed up on Stella Hard Twat and saw a bloke about to hit a woman so ran over like a cock and shaped to twat him. He side stepped and punched me in the face ninja like and I fell like a sack of shit and landed awkwardly on my arm and broke it! Second time I was on my motorbike in the middle of summer and saw two skantly clad ladies at the side of the road. By the time I had stopped rubber-necking I was inches away from a Landrover Discovery's arse end and still doing 30mph. Needless to say I hit it full on!

Well that's me for now I guess. I'll have the t'internet at home on November 27th when I'll be hitting the tables again and will try post my 100 Pudding facts for you to gasp and chuckle at! Two people I would have tagged no longer have blogs so I tag Amatay, my favourite fish!

So Near But So Far!

How different this post would have been if it hadn't have been for fate selecting a couple of different balls from the bastard lottery machine! I rarely do the lottery but I bought a ticket for Saturday and chose numbers based on Mrs P's and my birthdates, sad but whatever. Sunday morning I popped to the local shop for bread and sausages and asked for the lottery results and when I saw them I thought I was onto a winner and nearly shot my muck in my pants! The numbers were 5/11/13/18/25/35 and the bonus was 7. After checking my numbers against these I had 2 numbers, the bonus ball and 3 numbers that were 1 number out. Fuck you life variance for getting me excited! I really thought I had 5 and the bonus ball which would have been good for just over £37k due to 34 lucky bastards winning, instead I was a pound down! Wasn't all bad as I managed to grab a bargain when I bought 12 sausages for a quid!

Another mini rant here now and this time it's the robbing bastard power companies getting a lashing from the Pudster! I moved into my flat last Saturday and it is totally powered by electric, no gas at all. There was some credit left on the token meter but when I checked there was only £0.70 or so, so topped up with £10 which the cunt just swallowed and didn't add on. After going through the settings I found there to be £921 on there, I mean how the fuck do you manage to get £921 of debt on your power and not get cutoff? Anyway, a quick call to customer services, who were based in English and not Calcutta, sorted it and the meter was reset on the Sunday and £25 credit put onto it. I checked the credit on Friday and there was only a fiver on it! Twenty fucking pounds in five days, you must be having a giraffe! That works out at abut £100-£120 a month in leccy! Obviously I called them and told them this was bollocks but apparently it is right because Pud Jr's mum is all electric and hers is a similar bill too. The cunts must be pissing themselves laughing all the way to the bank! I have managed to source somewhere almost £35 a month cheaper and I'm just waiting for them to ring me back.

I've just received a text message telling me my landline is now activated and with that in mind I have signed up for my broadband internet through Orange. I'll be paying £24 a month for up to 8MB wireless internet, free calls to landlines and Orange mobiles in the UK and they pay my BT line rental bill too! They've said it should be activated within 10 days but the last time I used Orange (Wanadoo) it was activated in much less time than that so touch wood my "Livebox" will arrive soon and I can get back on the t'internet and rinse some fishes at the micros and earn some fucking money because I am on the bones of my arse right now money wise and just an extra £20 would make a massive difference believe you me!

Despite the lack of funds things are still great in the Pudding household and things with Mrs P are going from strength to strength. We've talked quite a lot over the weekend and all's good and we're getting on great. Step-Pud seems to love me to bits, mainly due to me being on the same wave length as an 11 month old baby and just acting like a twat with him and making him laugh all the time! Mrs P is seeing a side to me not many people see because everyone knows me as a joker who likes to take the piss and stuff but I'm a pussy cat really and she's getting to see stuff now that I could only text or talk to her on the phone about. Overall, one week in and all's superb and I'm really happy right now. Only negative thing house-wise is that I seem to have blocked the kitchen sink so I need to invest in some Mr Muscle sink unblocker which is basically £5 for a load of shite that probably won't work but it's worth a try before I harass the landlord for the first time but if that's all my worries then I can cope!

I get the use of the pub landlord's car in a fortnight which I'm looking forward to because it's fucking freezing on my 20 minute walk to the train station! I've booked the 26th November from work so that I can drive him down to Milton Keynes where he'll stop with his mate for a night before jetting off to Calgary in Canada to visit his sister for 3 months. I've never been anywhere near London so I might visit a few sites depending on the time and stuff and Mrs P and Step Pud might be coming to keep me company too so at least I won't be bored shitless on the way back home from somewhere where I don't have a clue how to get there or back! Should be fun if that's what floats your boat!

So there you have it, Pud in a good frame of mind with things going well for him and gearing himself up for some serious Puddination of the uber-micro stakes in the next 10 days. I'm so focussed and determined now I can't wait to hit the tables, earn some dollars and start rebuilding things for Pud Jr, Mrs P and Step Pud! Hope you're all having good luck at the tables and I'll try check out your blogatays during the week!

Drawing Up A Battle Plan

With a bit of luck I should be back online by the end of November, ready to hit the tables on December 1st. I'm looking forward to playing again but at the same time I'm a little apprehensive too because my mindset has totally changed and we all know your mindset has a huge effect on the way you play poker, it can be the difference between being a winning and losing player.

Regular readers of this blog know that I can be a bit of a loose cannon and that I often played under the influence of whatever and when not in the right frame of mind and as a result I seem to have hit a brick wall and haven't progressed my actual game at the same speed as I have done with my knowledge and understanding. I became transfixed on the money aspect and also on the short-term results rather then thinking of poker as one long session where all you can do is make plays with maximum expectation and leave the rest to the poker Gods (amen). It didn't help that I was under a lot of stress at the time and was finding it hard to focus and started doing stupid mini challenges all the time and often darting around playing NL cash, FL cash, SnG's, MTT's and even Omaha and Stud cash games! Not surprising then that I managed to spunk away about $100 in the process.

Things have turned the corner now though. For one I am away from the pub and all the influences that place brought. I'm still working there until the 18th November and then that is it completely and I don't want to have to get another part-time job so will be able to dedicate a bit of solid, quality time at the tables. I've managed to sort myself a place out and although not perfect it's a base and something to build on. I've also finally got Mrs P and that's going brilliantly and despite my serious lack of funds for the time being I am really on top of things and feeling good about myself. So why am I a bit apprehensive? Well I can't remember the last time I played poker with a clear head and without things clouding my judgement! I guess I'm worried that part of my game comes out when I am feeling shit about stuff and that without all the stress and stuff I won't be the same player. I hope it's going to have a more positive effect because I'm feeling healthier, hardly drinking and eating at proper times now but I guess time will tell.

I've decided to follow some proper bankroll strategy and actually stick to it as this will generate discipline for the higher stakes. I'm going to always sit with a full buy-in and reload when I drop the blinds from my stack and always make sure I have 25 buy-ins for any given level and drop to the previous level should I fall to 18 buy-ins for the stakes I am currently at. This would mean needing $250 to play NL10 but I'd drop back to NL5 if my bankroll fell to $180 and rebuild again. The only exceptions to these rules will be when I play NL2 and NL5 on Stars because the maximum you can sit with at NL2 is, for some reason, $5 and $10 at NL5. When I play NL2 and NL5 I will play with the default stack of $3 and $6 respectively giving me around 17 and 21 buy-ins for the respective levels when my bankroll hits the $50 and $125 mark. My reasoning for this is the fact the play is so poor at these levels that I'm not bothered about BR management as much because people are willing to stack off with top pair regardless of the action around them. Yeah the beats will be plentiful but it's rare to find any fish at these stakes with a full stack for it to make a major difference. I'll be using the back end of November and the majority of December getting used to playing again after a month and a bit away from the tables then starting in January I'm really going to push this and earn some decent money. My circumstances may change a little for the better in the coming couple of months and I may be able to add to my roll again but even if I can't I've worked out that I should be able to take $50 and turn it into $2500 within 230 table hours, or 11.5 weeks at 20 hours per week.

Things on the home front are still superb and it's hard to believe it's been almost a week since Mrs P and step P came to stay. Really enjoying their company despite the fact that I seem to be getting by on less than 5 hours kip a night through a mixture of a crying baby and also practising making babies although the vats of coffee and cans of Red Bull are keeping me alive at the minute! Everything seems so natural and all three of us have slotted right into place like I hoped we would do and I'm loving how things are progressing right now because Mrs P and I are going great guns and step Pud seems to be liking me too and spends most of his time wanting to play with me which is great because I'm a big kid anyway! I knew it'd all go to plan as it's not like we don't know each other and have rushed into this, we've been talking deeply for months and this was just the next stage. One of the reasons I want to hit the poker and earn some decent monies is so I can spend more time at home with Mrs P, Pud Jr and Step Pud because I'm a big soft family man at heart! Oh and on a side note, skimpy shorts and vest top combinations for bed rule the world, and no, they're not what I had on!

Well thanks, as always, for checking in and best of luck at those rigged online tables!

I Am A Modern Day Frank Spencer!

Oooh Betty! Well I managed to move my gear into Pud's place on Saturday but it wasn't without drama and the usual Pud bad luck that follows me around like a little black raincloud! Today my whole body aches and I have pain in muscles I didn't even know existed, my hamstrings are like violin strings and I am covered in grazes, scratches and bruises and my blood pressure is at an all time high!

I knew it was going to be one of those days when Pud Dad and I went to pick up the van and we didn't take a utility bill with us so they wouldn't let us have the fucking thing, so we had to drive back to his house to get one and go back to the van hire place. We made it to Pud Sister's house without any hiccups and loaded the sofa and chair up and drove up to my flat ready to rock and roll. When we got there Dad said there was no way on Earth they would fit up the stairs but I insisted we gave it a go and after much pulling, pushing, heaving and panting we managed to get the sofa to the top of the stairs. Which is where the bastard stayed! Because of the low ceiling on the stairs and their layout there wasn't enough room to manoeuvre the thing around so it was impossible to get it into the flat, FFS! So we had to take it back down the stairs and all the way back to my sister's in Leeds! Great start to the day!

After stopping off at Greggs for a couple of energy boosting pasties we drove to the pub and started to load up the van again. Fuck me, if I see another set of steps in the next twenty years it'll be too soon. I was up and down like a bride's nighty, no wonder my hamstrings and quads are killing me today. Halfway through loading up I had the bright idea to take the sofa from the living room of the pub because it has a bracket on it so you can split it in two so it should have fitted easily being half the size. Notice how I said should have because that cunt didn't either! Because of it's high back there wasn't enough room to turn it around so down the stairs it went and back to the pub! So for the time being Pud's Place is sofa-less! How ironic that my t-shirt said "Sofa King" on the front!

I did manage to fit my bed in which I was worried about but even this fucker is doing my head in! I assembled it and went to work at the Pub where I was joined for a few beers by Mrs P. We got a chinky on the way home and it'd been a long long day so we hit the hay as soon as we'd eaten. We'd been in bed a few minutes when there was a little thud and part of the mattress dropped down! Cunt! My bed is great but the design is wank. The wooden lats that support the mattress aren't fixed in place, instead they are kept an equal distance apart by some rubber holder which then sits on a tiny bit of metal frame and of course it like to fall off! I must have spent 30 minutes yesterday with Mrs P holding up the mattress so I could fix these lats and when I did one side the other fell off and I was getting really fucked off but we just both ended up laughing about it and I managed to fix it again. All was well until I finished my barshift last night and within 10 minutes of me laying down part of the cunt fell off again! When I woke up this morning there was more mattress on the floor than the lats but it was still comfy as fook! I'll give it another chance tonight before I take them off totally and stick the mattress on the floor!

It's been great having Mrs P there, being able to go to sleep and her be there when I wake up, I've loved it. Even Step-Pud seems to be happy because he slept right through for the first time in months last night, not a squeek out of him all night! It might be a different story tonight mind you because you know how fickle kids are. I'm looking forward to the rest of the week though because I'll get to spend time with Mrs P and step-Pud because I won't be working or living in the pub so we'll have some privacy for a change, even if we just watch TV or a DVD or something. I know my last few posts have been pretty gay but I'm just really really happy at the minute and really enjoying things and my mojo has returned and I'm pretty pleased with myself in that department! Once all the shit dies down and we can tell everyone about us it'll be even better but until then I'll enjoy our little haven away from all the prying eyes. Fingers crossed that Mrs P gets the house she's been looking at, not because then she can move out but so we can have more space as we were talking and I'll be joining her in her new pad so this move could basically have been stress for nothing! LOL! Despite my severe lack of funds I'm really enjoying life right now!

My landline gets turned on in the flat next Monday and I should have the t'tinternet around 10 days later all being well which means I should be able to start hitting the tables again and making some readies. Now my head is clear and full of positive thoughts rather than all doom and gloom I can't wait to get back into the groove and rinse those fishes! I have $20.51 sat on Stars and I'm due about $30 from rakeback on Full Tilt so my starting roll will be $50 give or take a shake. I might need the help of one of you though and do a transfer on Stars for Full Tilt cash because the minimum withdrawal on Full Tilt is $50 so I can't get this cash onto Stars which is where I'll be playing. I'm going to 6 table NL2 full ring before moving to NL5 and then NL10 by the end of December where I should be able to make a couple of hundred quid a month just by being a nit and playing sheer volume. So hopefully by this time next month my blog should be full of stories of bad beats, wreckless fish, how poker is rigged and none of this isn't life great malarky!

Two things I've been wondering about today. Why do they call a delivery by road a shipment but if it goes by see it's cargo? And also, what's the story with fat women who have small boobs? There's a woman here who obviously loves pie and cake and is the size of a bus but she has, in relative terms, tiny norks!

Thanks for reading and good luck at the tables.

Full Steam Ahead!

Two updates in a week from the usually prolific, but as of late lazy as fuck, Yorkshire Pudding, something must be wrong! But alas all seems to be going very well still which is great! Things are slightly better because I now have a set of wheels, albeit for three months only, as the landlord of the pub has booked his flights to Canada and has asked if I want to use his car whilst he is away which helps me out an awful lot especially when I need to pick Pudding Jr up and also now being with Mrs P who has what is essentially a step-Pudding!

I've moved some stuff into Pud's Palace today to save on the amount of work me and Pud Dad need to do tomorrow. I had a bit of a worry about my bed fitting into the bedroom because the bedroom is tiny and my bed pretty huge but after a bit of measuring and some mental arithmetic it should fit although it will be pretty snug but who cares, only sleeping and sexy time will be occurring in there anyway! I'm picking a van up at 1030 tomorrow and with a bit of luck I should be fully moved in for mid afternoon meaning that I can have a shower and chill out before I have to work behind the bar at 1900. I don't know if I'm going to carry on working there once the landlord leaves, I'll have to see how I feel to be honest because at the moment I need the readies but I really can't be arsed and would like stop having to work weekends and close the chapter on my pub life.

Also been to see Mrs P today to move some of her and step-Pud's stuff up to my place. I think she liked it even though it is a bit small and it's a fresh start for the both of us. Things are going great on this front, which I fully expected them to do, and we seem to be growing closer each day and I'm really enjoying everything we do. It's been a while since I've felt this positive and sure about anything and it looks like I've buried all my shitty times now and can start getting back to my normal self and start building for the future. Saturday night will be the first time we'd have spent the night together and to say I'm looking forward to it is an understatement. Underneath my bravado I'm a big soft twat really! I'm like some lovestruck teenager again and it's great!

I also definitely need to get back to the poker tables now that I have a clear head and focus again. I've seen a deal with Orange where for £24 a month they pay your line rental, you get unlimited 8MB wireless broadband and free calls to landlines and Orange phones. Once I have all my shit moved in I'm going to look into it because not only do I love playing poker and surfing the t'internet, it also means I can earn some cash and not have to get another part-time job to pay my olds back. I've worked out that by starting with a paltry $50 and 6-tabling full ring NL2 on Stars I could be rolled for playing NL5 in around 30 hours and then NL10 another 30 hours later. It'd be a true grind to get to there but once at NL10 I could quite easily make about an extra £170 a month playing as little as 20 hours a week which would come in handy for sure. How things progress from there would be up to my finances and how much I need the cash in relation to how far I want to move up stakes. I'm no longer bothered about trying to get to play NL600 and become a "balla" I'd much rather have my little hobby that I'm pretty good at and make a few extra bits of bread each month to pay for a few luxuries for me and Mrs P.

Well that's all for now, I'll try update again after the weekend but it's going to be difficult to do with me having no internet access apart from at work and we all know I'm on my best behaviour there! Good luck at the tables and best of luck to all in the Raise The River challange taking place at DTD Poker on Sunday. Join up to Raise The River through the logo at the top of my page for more details on this great prospect.

Take care guys and gals and thanks for reading!