Now For Something Completely Different

Well I managed to ship the total of $16 to the Full Tilt fish last night whilst showing Pudding Dad NLHE ring games. We initially sat at a FR NL10 game with the idea of showing him what hands to ditch in the various positions of the table and let him know the reasoning behind each call, raise or fold and also to try to assign hand ranges to villains. To say we were card dead was an understatement, even my dad said he understands why I at least 4 table when the cards aren't falling but I also didn't play too good. Tiltsock sat at our table for a short while before leaving and I joined a NL25 game soon after, mainly to show my dad the difference in aggression. This is where I lost $10 with 97 against a tricky LAG on a xxQ77 board and he had J7. Meh. I played it horrible but dad seemed to learn that you can use position more than cards especially in NL.

So what am I planning for this weekend? Well poker playing time is going to be at a premium due to me having Pudding Jr tonight and until 1800 tomorrow then work from 1900-0000 Saturday and then 1500-2300 Sunday but I still plan to play a bunch......of SnG's! Why I hear you ask when all I've talked about is 20-30k hands of FR during October and that itself is the reason why. Basically I don't want to play cash until Monday so that I can jump straight in all refreshed without my tired weekend play playing on my mind and log a couple of really big sessions. I've also downloaded a 30 day trial of SnG Wizard which I really want to try out too because my knowledge of ICM and optimal bubble play is very average and I'd like to improve this and apparently this software goes through your hand histories and highlights problems, especially around bubble time and lets you know if you should have pushed or folded depending on your opponents calling ranges.

Pud Jr is usually tired out now by around 2100 due to school and running round like a dickhead with me so I may fire up a set when he goes to the land of nod. He usually goes to bed much earlier at his mum's house but he gets excited at mine plus I let him stay up longer than normal with me not seeing him much. Anyway, the plan is to play between 50-100 SnG's at the $2.25 level between now and Monday and analyze each one where I finished the final 5 using SnGWiz and see if I can increase my ROI somewhat by improving my bubble play. I plan to play a minimum of 6 tables at a time but I've not decided if I will play turbo's or standard speed games yet or whether I'll tile or cascade the game windows but that's a choice I'll make when push comes to shove but I'm edging towards the turbo donk fests just so I get to the bubble situations quicker and so I can fit more games in. Hopefully I'll learn something new and turn a nice little profit at the same time and be nice and refresh and in cash game mode for Monday!

Elsewhere, I have been getting addicted to the gayness that is Facebook, I can't leave the fucker alone! I restarted one with my proper name and so far I have 20+ buddies added and loads of really gay add-ons but it's fun and passes my lunch break quicker than usual plus I've managed to get back in contact with old work and school mates and even former Mrs P has signed up for an account! Talking of former Mrs P, she told me that she read Amatay's shagging post the other day and thought it was a really good post so you might have a new regular reader to add to your collection you Hammers supporting arrogant fish!

I have a mini challange for you. Watch this cartoon a couple of times in a row and this one too and try not to sing them for the rest of the night.

That's all for now folks, life is good and hopefully it'll be better when I've been owning the $2.25 donks this weekend! Have a good one boys and girls.

Is It All Starting To Come Together?

I read dozens of blogs of blogs on a daily basis. Some are fellow micro-donks, some mid range players and some who play nose bleed stakes poker where one big blind is more than my entire bankroll! A lot of the comments left by players like myself on the blogs of the NL200/400 regulars ask the blog owner when did they realise they were a winning player or was there a clear point where everything they'd learned and tried to put into practice actually seemed to work. You can see clearly on some of the blogs when the change from breaking even to becoming a winner happened. I'm starting to think you'll be able to see that on my little blog from now.

I'm in the process of making the transition from 6 max NL to full ring for a few reasons. Firstly, I find it easier to multitable FR and can play 4-6 games comfortably where when I play SH I don't play my best if I have more than 2 tables open. Also, I am honest about my ability as a poker player and if I find myself on a table where there is someone clearly better than me but I don't want to leave that table because there are a few donators there I find it easier to "hide" from this player at FR than I do at SH for obvious reasons. Thirdly, the vast majority of micro and low stakes players do not have a clue about position and how hand value change with position and with me being pretty clued up on this I have a major advantage. Again, a lot of FR players are very weak, have tried SH and failed and come back to FR as it's less aggressive but have brought many bad habits with them from SH games. Finally, I am wanting to try live cash at some point so this is in theory my training!

Anyway, I really feel like everything is coming together at long last. I am playing some brilliant poker, for micro stakes, making some solid reads and acting on them and I'm really enjoying my poker again at the moment. Yeah I'm still making some ridiculous mistakes which need ironing out but I'm experimenting with plays and bet sizing and for the whole it is paying off. I've played 3.5k hands over the past week and a half and I'm running at over 20PTBB/100 and it would be more had I not been stacked once with QQ, once with JJ and half a buyin last night with AK on an AK4 board. Of course some of this is down to our favourite bitch, variance, but looking at my Poker Tracker I don't seem to running insanely hot, rather just getting maximum value out of my hands and losing less when I lose. Reading blogs, books and forums I realised I was missing out on a lot of value by under betting my hands on most streets, especially the river, but I have altered my game somewhat and I'm so far reaping the benefits.

I put this down not only to the forums and blogs but to the fact I have really cut down my boozing and lifestyle changes. My old routine was to get home to the pub, have a couple of pints, go upstairs and get changed or whatever, crack open a can of cider and play poker whilst drinking. Drinking whilst playing poker is like drinking and playing pool. You get to a level where everything is great, you have that confidence where you're invincible but then it all goes tits up as you get pissed and I was getting pissed every night and not playing very well at all. Now I have a beer when I get home and that's it until I have something to eat later on in the evening and I'm seeing so much more at the tables. Also, a lot of my life stresses aren't bothering me as much anymore, they're still there and they eat at me but I can control them because I'm not depressing my brain with alcohol and other shit all the time. It's fucking great! I'm really looking forward to October and I'm hoping to play between 20-30k hands which if I 4 table on Full Tilt is around 3 hours per day. If I stick to my guns I fully expect to be bankrolled for NL50 by the end of October and I'm aiming for at least $500 profit and I should generate around $300 in rakeback too which would be fucking brilliant and might allow me to pay a bond on a flat and keep my bankroll almost untouched. Here's hoping!

I'll be playing tonight but only one table because Pudding Dad wants me to go through NL with him just to see the thinking behind certain hands and stuff. He's been playing a bit of FL but I'm trying to convince him to move over to the dark side and rinse some fish! I'm not expert but I can give him more than a few pointers and because he's an expert Bridge player he should pick it up pretty quickly I should imagine. So Pudding Mum is making my tea for me so I will be well fed then when she toddles off to work me and my Paw will be hitting the tables on my Full Tilt account so stay the fuck away Spunk Sock! Only downside is I'm going to miss Billy Piper looking smoking hot playing a tart in her new drama. She can't act for shit and looks a bit like a monkey but I definitely would especially when she's in her benders and all her get up. How the fuck Chris Evans rattled that I will never know. Oh I do, money!

I couldn't think of a picture to go with this post so Milla makes a return, the filthy bitch. I've also developed a thing again for Kelly Brook even though her chap is a big fucking puff so might have to add some pics of that tart too!

Thanks for checking in on this uber-confident Pudding! Updates on Pudding Dad and other shit tomorrow!

F.A.C.T

Every now and again my fellow bloggers and I have the misfortune of coming across what can only be described as F.A.C.T. No it's not that advert you see at the cinema, the Federation Against Copyright Theft it is a new term I have coined and stands for Fucking Anonymous Cowardly Twats. As bloggers we've all encountered them at some stage either having read one of their comments on someone else's blog or having had one left about their own page. The serve no purpose but to put people down to try and big themselves up.

I remember a while ago when former blogger Micro Limit Donkey started getting anon comments on his blog telling him he was shit at poker and stuff like that. I mean what was the fucking point? Paul is a good lad and at that particular time his poker playing was still in it's infancy and when he blogged he asked questions so he could improve and when he had the knowledge and skills no doubt help others. Then some FACT comes along and shoots him down and makes him feel like shit. I, myself, had a load of them on my old blog, mainly after a post which some saw as racists. Rather than display their own names and blogs to slag me off and give an opinion they hid behind false names and Anon's. Why? Ask them. These people are the sort that you see twitching the curtains all night but only take any action if they themselves are directly affected. Scum in other words.

So why this post? Well sometimes people wind me up when they just go out on unprovoked attacks for no reason. They can say what they like to me as a general rule but when they start to piss of mates and family it gets my goat. Some total tool calling himself Chris T has for some reason started leaving comments on our very own Amafish's blog, calling him out for being arrogant amongst other shit. I mean this cunt, Chris Twat that is, doesn't seem to be able to comprehend that this is Amatay's writing style. He's never seemed arrogant once since I've read his blog or comments on other's blogs, just entertaining and a damn profitable poker player to boot and someone who is willing to help lesser players. This cock then comes along and berates him and then even starts on me telling me to get back to the micros and get some Prozac! LOL! I mean I've never once proclaimed my excellence in poker for a start and to start bringing mental health into it is bullshit Chris. It doesn't bother me as such but the fact you brought it up after someone was open and honest shows you for what you are. It could have cut deep to someone recovering from mental illness who isn't as strong but you didn't give a fuck.

So what makes Chris and his fellow FACTs tick? My first thought was lack of hugs as a kid but then I thought about it a bit more and it's probably too many hugs from that special uncle mum used to date, you know the one where they played "pin my tail in the Chrissy" and how you had "special secrets" and always had a faint smell of tuna about you? Or maybe how at school people laughed at your ill fitting clothes or the fact you were in the bottom set for subjects and were bullied or the fact that you know that absolutely nobody would bat an eyelid if you dropped dead right now, who would miss you honestly? A few of these are probably ringing true and you're sat there nodding to yourself, all alone where ever you are and no doubt you'll continue to leave acid comments on people's blogs.

Get a grip FACTs, the blogging community, for the whole, is a great thing to be a part of. Just accept that some people have an entertaining writing style and some are in it just for the laughs and shock horror, some people win decent cash playing poker on the same rigged software you play on. Rather be anon or semi=anon show us your blog addresses and let us judge your work.

That's all for now, rant over, DIAGF, GFY, GIFAFI etc etc

Poker Heaven? Poker Hell More Like!

I decided to withdraw from Party Poker after seeing that I had paid almost $20 in rake after my 3k hands of NL5. This doesn't seem loads to an outsider but if I kept up the same rate of play in October I'd probably generate something like $100-150 of rake which with a 30% rakeback deal would be worth $30 to $50 which is pretty significant when my roll is only around $150! So I have waved goodbye to the uber-soft German opposition on Party, well until they at least offer me a reload bonus!

So that left me with a dilema of where to play. I wanted somewhere to play that had decent traffic (especially at the micros), was Poker Tracker compatible, could offer me a bonus, was easy to multitable and offered rakeback in some way, shape or form. I had a look at all the sites I have accounts with to see if I'd ever deposited with them or had rakeback etc. Here are the sites I have accounts with:

Absolute Poker - 30% Rakeback, never deposited
Betfair Poker - 30% Rakeback, never deposited
Bet on Bet Poker - 30% Rakeback, never deposited
Bodog Poker - 25% Rakeback, no current bonuses
CD Poker - 30% Rakeback, never deposited, rakeback may be invalid
DTD Poker - 30% Rakeback, no current bonuses, never deposited
Full Tilt Poker - 27% Rakeback, no current bonuses
Hollywood Poker - 30% Rakeback, can use points to buy bonuses
Mansion Poker - 36% Rakeback, never deposited
NoIQPoker - Loyalty bonus, cash for points, never deposited
Pacific Poker - No Rakeback, never deposited
Party Poker - No Rakeback, no current bonuses
Poker Heaven - 30% Rakeback, never deposited
Poker Stars - No Rakeback, $40 bonus pending
Sun Poker - 20-50% Rakeback, $100 bonus every month
Ultimate Bet - 30% Rakeback, approx $200 pending bonus dollars

Quite a few sites there, anyone would think I was addicted or something, LOL! Anyway, for some reason I decided to deposit at Poker Heaven, a Boss media skin, mainly due to the fact I fancied a change of scenery and wanted to play somewhere without the PAHUD infestation whilst collecting a bonus and earning rakeback. What a stupid fucking mistake that was! I shouldn't have bothered because I was already on life tilt when I came to re-install the software and make my deposit! Why life tilt? Well, I took the Landlord's car in the morning because I was running late and the weather was fucking dire, he'd said the night before I could borrow it so it wasn't a problem. Half way through the day I received a text asking me to pop to PC World and get some of that keyboard cleaning spray you can buy, no problem I thought, so when I finished work I drove down to PC World to see if I could find some. Now I must be a fucking retard for expecting a PC component store to sell products that clean your machine. Not even a fucking wet-wipe in sight! 20 minutes of storming around trying to find some cleaning materials and a member of staff proved fruitless and I was pissed off. My journey wasn't wasted though because I bought myself the new edition of Kaspersky Anti-Virus.

I bought Kaspersky because I'd heard great things about it and also because my Norton subscription ran out three days ago and I had no means to renew it online. I've never rated Norton so I didn't want to give them another £20 of my cash to subscribe for another year so I forked out an extra £10 for Kaspersky. Anyway, even this put me on deeper life tilt! I uninstalled Norton, restarted my machine and tried to install my new one. Computer says no. I try again and it tells me an installation is already in progress so I restart and try again. Computer says no. I try again and once more it tells me an installation is in progress so I restart for a 3rd time. I then try to call support but the lazy cunts go home at 1730 but they do have an online database to help you. Yes, I have no virus protection so I want to start surfing the net you pricks! Fuck me! Anyway it turns out that Kaspersky doesn't like Zone Alarm running when you install so I had to uninstall that, reboot, install Kaspersky, reboot for the 300th fucking time and all was ready to go. Or was it? It told me it wanted to do a full virus scan so I set it going whilst I shaved my head and had a shower. 2.75 hours passed and the cunt finished looking for beasties! I really need to lose some of the shit on my hard drive! So I was really fucked off at a night wasted doing nothing apart from answering some gay interview on my Facebook account (I'm becoming addicted to that!).

Back to poker. I reinstalled Poker Heaven and deposited to receive my 1st deposit bonus of 150% of the $150 I put on there. Deposit taken but no bonus in my pending account! TWAT! I fire up live help and get stuck talking to Demetrius who after 10 minutes tells me that this sometimes happens and to email them! Thanks mate. Despite my blood pressure being that of someone who's smoked 50 a day for 35 years I plod on and fire up 6 tables of full ring NL10, the smallest game they offer. First thing that strikes me is how slow it is so I check Poker Tracker to see how many hands per hour my 6 tables are logging. The answer? 134 hands per hour over all 6 tables or 22.33 hand per hour per table. Fucking hell! Pudding Jr could shuffle and deal quicker than that! There is no way I am losing EV by 6 tabling only to log 134 hands per hour! So after 15 minutes my flirt with Heaven was over and I went to cash out. First the cunts won't let me withdraw my cents then when the transaction goes through it tells me to expect to wait 1-4 days if they DON'T need any documents! Aaarrrggghhh, I can't take anymore of this shit! SO it looks like I'm pokerless until Monday, brilliant. Everytime I go on a bit of a heater something kicks me square in the bollocks!

Talking of bollocks I LOL'd at myself yesterday. I'd been having a bit of arse trouble due to some crazy pizza I had the night before and just before dinner I started getting a dull ache in my guts. Being a soldier I battled through for about an hour but it was getting worse and making me feel quite sick so I went to the bog to see if I needed another dump or to throw up! Turns out I had half strangled a plum in my undies and somehow not realised, LMFAO! A quick adjustment of my under carriage and all was right in the world again! Oh and just to put the icing on a fucking shit day I get a letter from my bank informing me that they are charging me £30 for going into the red by, listen to this, £0.30! Thirty fucking pence! I guarantee I will not be paying this anytime soon, especially as it is illegal for me to have an overdraft until January 2008 due to terms of my bankruptcy and they've effectively given me a £30 overdraft. Wankers! Going to phone them on my dinner which should mean my blood pressure will be back on the rise, can't wait!

Oh and I can't find my pen either and it's a fucking nice pen, £25 but still a damn nice pen. Thieving cunts! On a more positive note though check out Amafish's latest blog, pure comedy genius especially as it's going to end in tears and probably bloodshed! ***Grabs popcorn***

As always thanks for reading and best of luck avoiding life tilt, it's shit!

Days 1-2/88: Total Puddination!

Watch out micro-stakes NL because Yorkshire Pudding is back and on top form! As you'll have read in my previous post I've decided to try take a paltry $88 and play full ring NLHE on Party Poker and see if I can get it to $888 in 88 days. Well if things continue as they are I should reach the $888 an awful lot sooner than I anticipated.

When the USA could play on Party is was a total fish tank but when they were basically banned everyone said the games had tightened up and were nowhere near as profitable. Well Party have done us Europeans a massive favour and taken the game of internet poker to Germany and Russia. No disrespect to any German readers but fuck me your fellow countrymen do not have a clue! Every table as at least 5 Germans prepared to go all-in with 2nd pair no kicker, it's fucking brilliant!

I started off by firing up 4 tables of the smallest NL games which have blinds of $0.02/$0.04 but you can buy-in for $5. I dropped about half a buy-in by being too aggressive and not paying attention but I soon got in the zone and even added another 2 tables for a total of 6, meaning I'm logging at least 300 hands per hour! To say the NL5 games are easy is the understatement of the month, just playing ABC TAG poker is enough to destroy these games. If I hadn't have got carried away with Queens and then again with the slags later in my session (both time vs KK) I'd have made a lot more money than I have! Saying that though I have played 1850 hands of NL5 and reaped $31.40 in profits with an earn rate of 21.22PTBB/100! I'm running at 19/9/2.6 which isn't too bad but is a small sample size really but my postional stats look to be pulling into line now with tight up front and looser nearer the button so I ampleased.

Because I hit the $120 mark I decided to swap a couple of NL5 tables for NL10 tables with the idea if I dropped a couple of buyins I'd drop back to playing only NL5 games. So far so good from the 247 hands I've logged as I've managed a small profit of just over one buy-in ($10.90) and I ffel very comfortable here. I played a bit looser on the NL10 tables because it seemed like everyone were rocks and I ran at 23/12/5 and played mainly small pots and took pots away on the turn and a couple of river bluffs! It's all gravy!

I'm starting my barshift in 10 minutes but I should be able to log an hour's worth of play when I am done with my new "not drinking as much" mentality and also because I have the poker bug and am finding it easy 6 tabling so I can actually log a decent amount of hands for a change! I'll be playing 3 tables of NL5 and 3 of NL10 until my roll hits the $200 mark although when it gets closer to $180 I might swap another NL5 table, but we'll see how I feel etc.

As always thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables. Spunk Sock, I'm gunning for you bitch!

Ring Games And Pizza And Dwarves...Oh My!

I was so close to totally jacking in poker last night you wouldn't believe. I've hit a bad spell of variance and I'm managing to double the effects of running bad by playing like a cunt! I don't know what is the matter with me but I'm making some God awful decisions as of late and my confidence is shattered and I've lost all focus. Usually I'd laugh it off but despite normal life being pretty good at the minute, online life is fucking wank.

I entered the $15k Guaranteed on Stars last night along with Amafish and Cogsgoigne from Raise The River. It has 10 minute blinds and is only $11 to enter so thought why not, as did 2060 odd other fish. Nothing much happened but I caught a few hands and somehow managed to get up to around 3k with blinds at 25/50. I then made a play which cost me nearly all my chips. A donk open min-raises in MP1 and I look down at 66 and decide to raise things up to 300, planning to c-bet or come over the top on most flops representing a big pair, all fold to MP1 who calls. Flop come Ad4s3s. Villain checks and I bet 500 into a 675 pot. Villain then pushes for 1965 meaning it costs me 1465 to call giving me more than 2/1. I know he hasn't got an ace, I just know from watching him he's doing this with some sort of draw maybe even something like 55 (he was a donk) and I call. He shows KsTs and I'm ahead but a dog in the hand. Turn is a slag of diamonds giving him about a million outs and of course the river brings the Jack of spades to complete his flush but also a straight for good measure! I managed to then double up with AJ vs A7 in a BvB battle and I hung around for a while before pushing 77 UTG with an M of 7 into AdJd. Obviously he flops a fish hook and turns a flush just to really fucking rub it in! I finish 893 from about 2070. Cunt.

Cell was railing and couldn't believe some of the hands. AT beating AA by rivering a boat. 76 flopping trips then turning a straight and filling up on the river! My 66 hand above. In one hand I folded KQs to a raise and re-raise and the fucking flop comes KKQ! Stars was certainly on top form last night! I'm not saying it's rigged but I can see why people would think it is! I also played like a total wanker in a 4/180 and came 53rd. Like I mentioned in my opening paragraph I am running bad but I'm also making bad decisions. An example is the 66 hand. It was correct in that I was ahead when the money went in but I was a dog by the river. I was that pissed off with myself that I even sat at a couple of fixed limit table for about 20 hands but realised why I stopped playing it! I need to get a grip, get back to basics and get back on track and start a fresh challenge.

Our Oriental cousins love the number 8. It is considered lucky and right now I need some luck! So I am going to start a challenge for myself that shouldn't be overly difficult but at the same time satisfying! I'm going to start with $88 and try to turn that into $888 in 88 days! Now if that doesn't bring me some fucking luck I don't know what will! LMAO! All those snowmen have got to help me haven't they? I'm also probably going to do this on Party Poker and be a stalker to Spunk Sock and Amatay, the main reason being is they run full ring NL4 which means I'll have a healthy 22 buyins to start off with rather than risking going busto from the off and playing scared with what would be 8 buyins at NL10. I might start to take a shot at NL10 once I am up to $120 but if I drop a couple of buyins then I'll come back down to NL4 and rebuild. I'm also only going to play 1 table initially so that I can get back into the grove but I imagine I'll be playing at least 4 table by the end of next week. I've always ran like shit on Party so let's hope that changes!

In other news, it seems like God has let all the really annoying people out at once to follow me around on public transport. Sat on the bus last night there were two girls talking rather loudly about total fucking tripe. I was flicking through HOH2 when I heard them start to talk about titties and how this lass went for her jugs measuring and she thought she was a D but really she's an F and that the woman measuring her couldn't keep her eyes of her chebs. Obviously I had to check out this amazing rack so cunningly sat almost side saddle on the seat only to be greeted with something from Beauty and the Geek talking to fucking Shrek! God she was awful. Yeah she might have had huge tits but that's because you love cake my darling and the bull dyke measure your baps will be the only fucker who wants to see them so get over yourself!

As always though God's own city of Leeds cheered me up by delivering me a dwarf! But not just any dwarf, a black dwarf! I've never seen one before and was pretty amazed I'd seen one, they must be rare, like white dog shit! Anyway I watched his little legs go like bees wings as he tried to carry his body sized rucksack through the bustling crowds and it made me think. Do dwarves have normal sized cocks? How great would it be if you were a dwarf and had a normal sized knob! This got me thinking about dwarf porn and Bridget The Midget in particular and I decided I probably couldn't fuck her but I might let her suck me off! Actually nah, thinking about it now I probably could nail it if I am honest! I think I need to do some internet research later and report my findings! I've added a poll underneath my blogroll to see what my readers think.

My arse has been owned by a pizza! Yes a pizza, the shit the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles eat. I thought it would be a good idea to get a "Spicy Meat Ball" pizza for supper, I'd had them before and they were a bit pokey but nothing crazy. Well the cunts must have changed chefs and employed a sadistic bastard! He's replaced the tomato puree with lava, the spicy meat balls with fireballs and the normal green peppers for fucking Jalapenos! I had horrific wind on the way into work today but have relieved that by firing out what felt like 3.5kg of chopped liver out of my arse followed by two pisses, also out of my arse. I daren't fart and my mudhole feels like it is gaping like a heavily pummelled pornstar's would an hour later. Nice pizza but never again!

Well that's all for now folks. I hope you have a great weekend despite the fact it is pissing it down right now and I wish you the best of luck at the tables!

Too Much Pressure?

Writer's block is fucking awful. It's the equivalent of wanker's cramp for a 14 year old lad, it just doesn't bear thinking about, but I have it right now so like wanker's cramp I must battle through it to become stronger! I never pre-write my entries on here, instead I choose to just start writing and see what comes out, that way I feel like the represent me more because they are natural and not forced or trying too hard to be funny or sad or whatever but sometimes, for whatever reasons, it doesn't work and it frustrates the hell out of me. I've started this blog post 7 times so far and each time it has been deleted because it doesn't feel or sound right, even this is fucking dire but it's staying in as today's entry! I feel like an impotent man who wants to fuck his wife so badly but his cock is looking at his shoes! Hopefully this will pass and we'll be back on track tomorrow or maybe tonight.

I'm at a crossroads with my online poker at the minute and although I still love playing I'm finding it hard to motivate myself to play my primary game of ring games and I'm not sure if I have the time for MTT's right now so I don't know what the immediate future holds for me. I'm not about to give it up but I need to have a think about what my actual goals are and how realistic these goals are and how I am going to go about hitting them. My break abroad helped me sort my head with regards to my life etc but it has seriously fucked my game up somewhere along the way! Maybe I need to be fucked up mentally to be profitable? I think to be honest things will be better on Tuesday when I get paid because I am seriously skint at the minute (got £30 left) and I'm still unaware of what is happening with the housing situation because the brewery hasn't given the landlord a date to fuck off but it is just a matter of time so that is in the back of my mind I guess although I'm not really let it bother me at present. I'm also semi-worried that there are only 4 paydays until Christmas and with me 100% certain moving by then and needing house stuff I'm not going to be able to afford to save much cash for Pudding Jr's presents never mind anyone elses.

I think overall I'm just putting a bit too much pressure on myself to perform on the poker scene to make up the shortfall in my money! I can deal with the other shit now without too much effort but I've always worried about cash, doesn't everyone? I've started looking at poker again as money and I'm looking at the first place of a 4/180 as just $216 and not the glory if you like of winning. When I came second the other month I won $144 which was nice but I was gutted that I hadn't won, I need to get that will to win back from somewhere, hopefully it'll come back tonight when I play some 4/180's and maybe some $1 and $2 MTT's. I want to get back to playing because I want to win and think of the money as a bonus not all there is to play for.

On a brighter note I've realised I really miss tits and the nipple in particular. People always ask me if I'm a breast, leg or arse man and I'm none, I guess I like everything but the last couple of days I can't stop looking at women's jugs! There are loads of low cut blouses at work and on the way home on the bus lately and I can't help letching like a right old perv. Usually one either side does me fine but I'd just love to have a play with some for half hour and give them a bite and whatever just for the sake of it. One problem with me thinking more straight and stopping smoking and cutting down booze is my sex drive starts to go a bit crazy which is fucking shit when you're skint and single. Maybe I should advertise for a fuck buddy, LMAO! Well I have started networking on my new FaceBook!

Oh and come back Kenn you fucking big fish. Your blog has been deleted so I will have to find another way to stalk you and spreasd my man love.

Thanks for reading guys and good luck at the tables.

Another Small Cash And Some Heads Up!

I'm feeling more confident about my 180 man MTT game lately and with every game I complete I feel I'm becoming stronger. I'm still making quite a few mistakes don't get me wrong but I think I am learning from them and hopefully I'll stop making as many sooner rather than later. I honestly feel that I only need a few more tweaks to my game to take things to the next level and start actually winning or going deep in some micro and small stakes MTT's. I don't think I am doing too badly considering I've not even played 40 of these things!

I played in two 4/180's last night with Spunk Sock outlasting him by finishing 70th (LOL!) and 18th with the top 18 being paid. I'm a bit pissed off with myself because I was again a decent chip leader with only 30 remaining and then the wheels fell off. I lost a decent amount of chips when I checked in the BB with 72o, the Hammer! Flop comes A42 with two spade and I bet about half the pot and am called. Turn is a blank and we both check and the river brings the 3 spade and I bet 2/3 pot and villain calls with 44 for a flopped set. I then lost some more chips when I was priced in to call a shorties push after I raised 1st in with T9s and he had KQ and I couldn't hit and by the time the 2nd break came I was 12/22 with a 9.7k stack but blinds of 300/600/50a. Almost immediately after the break the bubble burst and I managed to cash but I opened pushed 62o on the button and the BB woke up with KK. Now the guys at RTR didn't like this shove but I saw it as an opportunity to gather 1350 chips and give myself another orbit for free. Now if BB doesn't wake up with Cowboys then this hand never gets posted. I'd been card dead for an age and stupidly let myself get blinded down and I don't think the blinds are calling without monsters. Bad timing I think, maybe I could have hung on another couple of hands but I made the play and it didn't work.

I'm going deep pretty regularly in these I just need to focus towards the end and start to make my cashes count as the payout is pathetic before the final table and even then it's not exactly cracking until the final three places. Something for me to work on over the next few days. I might even hit one tonight after work because we've been shutting around 2230 recently so would be settled upstairs for about midnight so even final tabling one of these bitches would only take me to 0300 and give me 4.5 hours sleep! Now I'm not smoking and the drinking has calmed down I am sleeping really well and finding it easier to get up on a morning.

Dear Yorksh1rePud,

You finished the tournament in 18th place.
A $8.64 award has been credited to your Real Money account.

You earned 51.49 tournament leader points in this tournament.
For information about our tournament leader board, see our web site at
http://www.pokerstars.com/tlb_tournament_rankings.html

Congratulations!
Thank you for participating.

I decided to try play some full ring cash games last night and managed to get stacked 2nd hand in! I had Th8h in the SB and 4 of us saw a beautiful flop of TT8, the money went in and villain has QQ of course the turn brings a fucking slag and it's good by 100BB and fuck you cash. I just can't get into the cash mindset at all lately which is a shame as it's usually my most profitable game! Since cash games suck big donkey dick I had the bright idea to fire up some $2.20 HUSNG for a change of pace and being the self proclaimed HU God I managed to win 3 games in a row by being super and awesome! I actually enjoy the HUSNG but really need to do some studying of them but first impressions are they could be quite profitable because the villains are just so aggro it is untrue and most games are over in less than 10 minutes! Well see how they go anyway, I'll probably get fed up pretty quickly as I do with everything!

Worst of all fucking SpunkSock is flopping quads and sets at an alarming rate and is really tearing up the tables the fucker and is leaving me for dead in the race to $5k! I'm thinking of taking a week off to hammer the fuck out of the tables just to draw level because I did have 5 days where I couldn't play, plus 2 before I got my loan for $50 on Stars and that cunt plays during the day I don't care what he tells you! I'll catch you mate don't worry and I'll let you know my very sad roll at the beginning of next week!

You're probably wondering why my beautiful Milla Jovovich has made an appearance again on my blog and there is no reason apart from she looks gorgeous and I couldn't find a suitable picture to head my post! Oh she was on the box too last night in 5th Element but I couldn't be arsed watching it all the way through though I did get to see her tits which is always a pleasure and never a chore!

Not much play planned for tonight because it is my barshift as previously mentioned. If I have time after my shit, wank, shower and shave I might hit a couple of HUSNG but if not and I feel ok when I've finished I might hit a 4/180 or see if there are any micro donkaments starting!

Thanks for reading and good luck at the tables, unless you're Spunk Sock!

I've Fucked Your Mum!

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Just One Of Those Days

Do you ever have one of those days where whatever you touch turns to shit or where everyone and everything just annoys the fuck out of you for seemingly no reason whatsoever? Well yesterday was one of those days. I don't think stopping smoking helped at all to be honest because there were about 25 different people yesterday I could quite easily have covered in grease and set alight, even the actual bus I got on to come home from work pissed me off because the fucker vibrated like a turbo charged Rampant Rabbit on steroids! I swear my fillings nearly came out from all the shaking!

By the time I got home I was dying for a smoke but was a good boy and decided not to give in to temptation after putting myself through a day of hell, why make it worse tomorrow eh? I had planned to jump straight onto a couple of 4/180 games but forgot that I had agreed to drop the pub DJ's hard drive off for him in Wakefield so I had to drive there, in rush hour traffic, which tested my will power because I always smoked in the car, especially in traffic! Anyways, I got back home, had a pint of lager, a shite and logged onto Stars to register for some of the 4/180's and win myself some dough! The problem is with poker, is that in general you actually have to play well in order to win. I wish someone would have reminded me of that fact because I played like shite!

I registered for two games and noticed that the shark known as Kenn had logged onto MSN so I had a wee chat with him and it turned out he was in the same 2 games as me, could it be a Raise The River first and second finish? Nah! I think Kenn busted pretty early in one and I didn't fair too well busting in 118th after I called a min raise with KcQc and ended up getting it all in on the turn on a king high board and couldn't suck out against a slow played AK. I fired another up and never got above my starting stack at any stage and busted around 50th. Meanwhile I was doing pretty good in one of the games I fired up at the beginning of my session.

I'd been playing pretty tight but seemed to be picking up hands at the right time and I was sitting with an above average stack at the first break and feeling very comfortable. Not long after play resumed I made a horrible play with 99 and managed to get Stars to save me on the river. I raised 1st in on the CO and the BB called. Flop was something like 864 with 2 clubs. Turn was 5c I think and somehow the money went in and villain shows 64. River is an 8 and I get a decent stack for my donkey play! Amatay wasn't impressed on MSN. I then took the chip lead after some donk loved his JJ enough to 4 bet me AIPF and my Rockets held but then I went card dead and mistimed a couple of steals and at the 2nd break I was sat 6/23 but still in very good shape. Then this hand, sponsored by KJ Jelly, fucked me dry from behind! I'd been in a couple of pots since the restart and was delighted to see AA! I made my standard raise and a fellow big stack raised enough to put me all-in. Obviously everyone folded and I called with my rockets and he shows JJ and I'm an 80/20 for a big chip lead with only 21 players remaining so another final table beckons. Well it did until the cunt caught running cards and rivered a fucking straight. Flop 738. Turn T. River a fucking Neuf. Jesus Christ! I can't fault his play nor can I moan really because if I hadn't have sucked out early doors I wouldn't have been this deep but to go out to running cards is awful. I fired another game up when I went to bed but I was more tired than I thought and ended up turning my laptop off after the first break because I was falling asleep so I'm not sure where I finished in that one but there were only 70 or so left in that particular game when I went to sleep!

So my ROI has dropped to around 35% from 33 games which is shit but also a meaningless sample size. I'm determined to get this to at least 100% because I feel very comfortable playing them, I just need to log some volume. Full Tilt are still dragging their feet with regards to my withdrawal and have now taken to ignoring my emails too the twats. I'm pissed off about this because a mate transferred me $50 so I could play over last weekend and I promised him it back in "a couple of days" but the wankers still haven't transferred me anything to Neteller so I only have 7 buy-ins on Stars at the minute so hopefully I'll be able to go deep tonight and replenish my roll again and repay my mate! I should be on there about half six to seven should anybody wish to join a couple and give each other some railage.

I was meant to be going to see a flat tonight after work but they've phoned me to tell me that the guy who was going to show me around is poorly so I need to make another appointment. Problem is they don't do weekends and they close at five so how the fuck I'm meant to sort somewhere is beyond me! I'm a bit stressed about this because I've worked out I'm going to have about £550 left this month once my bills come out which is nowhere near enough to hire a van, pay a bond and a month's rent and bills so I'm a bit fucked really. Looks like I better get asking people to borrow their sofa for a couple of weeks and save some wonga up! Why do I always blow my money on shite and leave things until the last minute every single time? Cos you're a cunt Pud, sort it out!

Still no fags smoked although today feels worse than yesterday, I actually feel anxious which is fucking shit I can tell you. It should all calm down again by the end of the week, just in time for the weekend! Great! Thanks for reading and best of luck at the tables!

Stopping Smoking Blows Dead Bears!

So I decided to stop smoking again over the weekend and I had my last fag at about 2355 last night. I stopped about 5 years ago when Pud Jr's mum fell pregnant with Pud Jr and I didn't smoke again until he was about 2 years old. I then stopped again when I was with former Mrs P, even though she still smoked, but for some reason I started smoking again and I've been smoking every since. Why have I decided to stop? Well I want to be more healthy physically to aid me mentally plus most of my family die from heart disease or cancer so I'm bound to get cancer of the heart at some point so I might as well lower my chances of developing something nasty!

The last times I quit were dead easy but for some reason today I am really irritable and could kill some cunt I tell you! It says that 20 minutes after your last smoke your blood pressure returns to normal. The lying bastards! I can tell you 14 hours after your last fag your blood boils and its pressure is through the roof! 8 hours after your last fag your blood oxygen levels improve and your chances of having heart attack fall but the chances of you smashing someone in the mouth for just looking at you increase by about 3.5x. I can't wait for another 10 hours when all the Carbon Monoxide leaves my body and apparently my lungs start to clear out mucus and debris. It'll be even better the day after when my sense of smell and taste improve so not only will I be coughing up phlegm and shite from my lungs all day I'll be able to taste it better and smell it too. Can't fucking wait! I don't remember it being this hard before but I'm determined to stop especially as the wank weather will be here soon and with smokers now being social outcasts and forced outside to face the elements!

I had Pudding Jr over the weekend and was pissed off to find out that he started school and his fucking mother didn't tell me. I'd have loved to have been there for his first day of school but the psychotic whore kept me in the dark about it. Slag! I had a right moan at her the other week because she's lazy with him sometimes and even though he's 4 she was putting a nappy on him for bed and giving him milk from a feeder bottle. I told her this was bollocks and that he'll never be able to stop at schoolmates houses as they'd rip the piss out of him and she seems to have taken note as he slept in my bed with me without even asking for any milk and was dry in the morning. Mattress and bedsheets 1, Pudding Jr 0! We had a good time together and he wouldn't stop kissing me the soppy little get! Making the most of it though because now he's at school he'll want less and less of me.

Anyway, about 30 minutes before closing on Sunday a woman and 3 lasses walked in and ordered some beers and I knew one of them so greeted her by saying "What you drinking bitch?" and we had a natter. When they left one of the lasses has lost her phone so was looking for it and just came out and said "You've got gorgeous eyes. They are dead sexy!". Well they are pretty fucking nice if I may say so myself and women love them! Anyway I said nothing and just smiled then after she found her phone she gave me her number and said "I'll be seeing you again sexy eyes", gave me a peck on the cheek and walked out! LOL! Of course I stored the number as you never know when the presence of Pud's pork will be requested! Not heard fromthem since, probably never will!

Former Mrs P and I are getting on well again which is always good. There are still a lot of feelings flying around and I think there is still some chemistry there too which is always nice. We we chatting at silly O'Clock on Sunday morning and we were laughing out heads off at the shite we were coming out with. She's a crazy bitch and has got more and more sarcastic and quick witted but then again she has learned from the master, aka Me, although she argues it's from her dad she gets it from! Whenever we are getting on my poker playing improves, it's weird! If ever I make it to the WSOP then I'll have to take her with me as a good luck charm!

Speaking of poker, I have played fuck all, not a single hand, mainly due to Full Tilt being wank and taking forever with my withdrawal. Thankfully I have been given a $50 loan until this clears so I should be able to play tonight. Part of the terms of the loan, which I stipulated, were I played 4 games of 4/180's on Stars and I promised 15% of my action from these 4 games. So if by some major miracle I won all 4, my loan guy would receive $179.96 back for his $50! Would be nice! I'm going to play these games tonight and I can't wait to hit the table with my new attitude and without being fuelled on ale! I have to go drop an external hard drive off in Wakefield when I get back to the pub from work but I should be logging on about half seven or something like that if you wanna say hi or sign up for a couple of games. I'm looking forward to hitting the tables, well I say that now but will probably want to kill someone about half an hour into them!

Two big congrats. First to Annette_15 who has been killing online this year but has just won £1m and a bracelet for taking down the WSOPE in London aged just 18. It's great for poker if it attracts some new, fresh fillies into the game! Also, congrats to UkGatsby who went real deep in Event 5 of the WCOOP on Stars for a $10.7k score. Nice work mate!

That's all for now. Some proper poker content should appear tomorrow if I manage to play 4 games tonight! Take care all.

5 Days And Still Waiting

Fuck Full Tilt! I requested a withdrawal to Neteller on Wednesday the 12th and it still hasn't been approved yet! I sent them an email asking WTF is going on and their shitty generic response told me that they were busy because they were processing a higher volume of withdrawals at present. Yeah, people probably withdrawing for the Stars reload bonus so Full Tilt drag their feet. I hope they have a better withdrawal method when they're shagging otherwise there'll be tons of FT employees up the duff!

Give me my fucking cash you twats!

Cash Is Dead! Long Live MTT's!

I've decided to stop grinding the cash games because I just cannot motivate myself to play them for some reason despite already making $100 this month. Since I've come back from my mini holiday I've hardly played a hand of poker and when I have I've ended up only playing 25 minutes or so where before I'd log 2-3 hour sessions. I can't put my finger on a particular reason, maybe it's because they're not exciting enough for me! With that in mind I've decided to hit the $4.40 180 man games over on PokerStars.

This morning, whilst Pudding Jr was having some breakfast I went through all the MTT's that I have played so far this year. I've mentioned before that as a general rule I've only ever entered MTT's when pissed or sometimes tilting because I know I can only lose a set amount of money by playing bad. More recently though I've been researching MTT's and have discovered how profitable they can be, especially at the lower stakes. I counted every MTT that I had entered on Full Tilt and PokerStars that had 90 or more people in and I was shocked to see I have only played 53 games. Some guys play this over 2 days because of the variance involved in these things.

Out of these 53 games I hit the money 15.09% of the time but my ROI is -16.69% meaning I've made a loss of $43.92 this year from MTT's. My average finish is 130/348 and I lose on average $0.83 per game so basically I am losing but almost break even. However, if I only take the 180 man games into consideration I have played 29, finish ITM 20.69% of the time with an ROI of 54.61% and a profit of $69.68. My average finish in these is 55/180 which means I make around $2.40 per tournament entered. I mean these figures are nothing to write home about but profit is profit and these figures also include when I first started out with the 180's where I failed to cash 7 games in a row and also another spell of not cashing for 8 straight games which happened a couple of months ago!

So once I have finished my barshift tonight I am going to fire up a couple of these, maybe 4, and hope to improve on these figures and get much closer to a 100% ROI and start to make this bitch we call poker start to pay!

Regaining Control

Don't worry this isn't going to be a tale of woe and misery from Pudding but as this blog serves as a life diary as well as a poker one I thought I'd share my thoughts with you. Last night, for reasons unknown to me, I decided to take responsibility and retake control of my life and the actions I perform on a daily basis. I don't know what it was but it was like a lightswitch being flicked inside my head and something told me to get a grip and sort myself out!

Here's a bit of background. I left school when I was nearly 17 after dropping out of the 6th form half way through the second term basically because I couldn't be arsed with the daily grind of studying anymore. I did pretty well in my GCSE's obtaining 6xA's, 2xB's and 2xC's and was estimated 3xA's in my A-level subjects of Biology, Chemistry and Maths. See all this fucking about and talking wank on my blog bet you thought I was a bit of a retard?! LOL! I am naturally academic and never once revised or even tried hard at school. In every job I've done since leaving school I've learned the systems and procedures inside out within a month at the latest which is why I get bored very easily then get into trouble, probably because I don't find things challenging enough. A major downside to all this is I have become lazy. I literally could be anything I wanted in life but I just can't be arsed doing anything!The same goes for women too which is a pain and probably why I am single right now! After the chase and the impressing stage I seem to lose interest in them. It's not like I don't care for them or love them I just find it hard to keep that interest there all the time and fall into routines.

About five years ago I was booking a 2 week all inclusive holiday at Vilu Reef in the Maldives which was going to be paid for in cash. I had two cars, a motorbike, was in the process of buying my own house and only a little bit of debt. I was also making moves into studying for an accountancy qualification and a business studies degree. Then Pudding Jr came along. Now I don't blame him in the slightest but it changed everything totally in my life and at 21 years old, having done all the above it sent me into a spin. I couldn't handle the pressures I don't think. Things that Pudding's mum did or didn't do that I just brushed off under normal circumstances suddenly became cancers in our relationship. I started to detest her and everything about her and eventually ended up kind of cheating on her with a workmate. I didn't feel guilt at all, in fact I wanted to do it again so I decided to end the relationship before she totally hated me and also because I didn't want Jr bringing up in that environment. That's when the wheels fell off!

The debts were in my name despite being gained using both our wages and when we sold the house the profits only just covered these and the legal costs. It didn't help that for 6 months I paid half the mortgage and all the bills so she could live there with my son whilst I stopped in hotels, B&B's and friends and family's houses. Then Jr's mum was an arse about seeing him so I ended up getting a bunch of solicitor fees trying to gain proper access to him which didn't help. I started buying clothes on my credit card and drinking quite a bit and smoking and spending a load on diesel travelling to see friends I'd not seen for ages. I then started seeing former Mrs P and we stopped in hotels loads of times at £60 odd a time and going out on our credit cards, racking up bills on the piss and stuff. When I realised I was in a financial mess I tried to get a consolidation loan which was accepted but another company promised me a cheaper rate and when I applied for that they fucking turned me down and the other offer was withdrawn! Because of applying for credit loads of times I was almost blacklisted and my monthly bills were almost my entire wage and I was in shit street. The bankruptcy finally took place in April 06 and former Mrs P and I didn't last much longer after that and we split and got back together before finally splitting for good again. I started taking pills and coke at an alarming rate along with getting pissed all the time and spending money like it was water because I didn't care, I was in self destruct mode with no money, little in the way of possessions and no partner either.

A few months ago I had a big drugs binge and ended up a bit of a mess and chewing the ear of former Mrs P and she probably thought I was a right twat. With all the above, combined with the reality of what I had wasted, being almost homeless and the stress of the current goings on with potential Mrs P I'd reached breaking point. I was in trouble at work and I spent most of my waking day thinking and over thinking situations and getting myself in a real mess. I was then diagnosed with Pure-O OCD and I decided something needed to be done. I stopped taking any pharmaceuticals and didn't touch anything for 10 weeks but I was still drinking an average of 5-6 pints of cider a day, often alone upstairs playing poker. Then a couple of weeks ago I had an E and it sent me over the edge and I was uber-emotional via text with my mum and I realised something needed to be done in my life. The holiday came at a great time and it really sorted me out, giving me time to think clearly and set myself some goals and try get some stability, which I need otherwise I go off the rails.

That brings us up to now or their abouts. I've always worried about "what if" and have often just drifted around worrying about the worse case scenarios of situations and trying to control things I couldn't. Amatay's comments yesterday where he said his former tutor told him to control the controllables and basically let everything else sort itself out struck a cord. There is no need for me to stress about certain things, namely potential Mrs P situation, because I have doe what I can now and have no control at all over what she decides to do. What I can control is what I do and put into my body and sort myself education and job wise. I've always drunk a lot and that's not likely to change but since coming back to England at 0300 on Tuesday morning I have consumed the total of 5 pints and that includes working behind the bar last night whilst the football is on. I've not bought any cans and haven't missed having more than one beer when I finish work. I've been smoking a lot but I have decided that once my duty free fags run out, I have 60 left, I'm going to try and quit the evil weed again because although I like a smoke my family tree filled with heart disease and cancer tells me I shouldn't! I'm going to really push to get an apartment and build myself a base from which I can rise from again and get back on track. Once there I am going to eat a lot more healthily and try to get back to the gym and may even ask Amafish for some pointers with him being a sport science genius!

Job wise I'm not going to do this for the rest of my life and it's unlikely poker is going to fund anything major so I need to educate myself further and give myself a fighting chance. I can't, by law, study for any financial qualifications due to my bankruptcy but I can study a degree for free so I'm going to look into that once I am settled, possibly business or Psychology. I'm going to combine that with learning a new language, probably Spanish, as these open doors wherever you go plus I pick up new languages very easily. I'm going to try start some sort of savings fund and a pension too and take control over my future rather than just hope something sorts itself out when I'm old and wrinkly. Basically I'm going to sort my fucking life out! I'm thinking much clearer now and am slowly getting back to my old self, I keep having slip up by worrying about stuff but I'm also taking control of that too. I've asked potential Mrs P to write me a letter with how she feels and what she wants to happen and if it becomes a Dear John letter then so be it, it wasn't meant be. It'd be a crying shame and I'd be gutted but I'd get over it, I always do plus I can finally get on with my life and make plans without her etc.

I don't let people push me around and dictate what I can and can't do when I play poker so why should I in my real life? It's going to be a very testing time over the next month or so with the house move and the finale of the potential Mrs P saga but slowly but surely I am going to pick myself up and start to retake control over my life and start to make some progress rather than sitting in my hole feeling sorry for myself! You don't get anything in this world for nothing and it's rare that opportunities and the like fall into your lap. It's time to start making things happen.

Well done for getting this far! Sorry if it seems like a rant or whatever but this is my place to talk, even if it is only to myself!

Thanks for reading and best of luck in life! Pudding is back!

SnGays And Poorly Poker Tracker

Well I am well and truly settled back into the English way of life after only coming back from my break about 36 hours ago! It's amazing how you just slot right in as if you've never been away! The only real problem I had was keeping warm so I wore my hoodie most of the day because I was chilly despite it being pretty nice yesterday. To use an Amatay term, I minced around most of the morning after my huge 3 hours worth of sleep before deciding it was time to jump back into the grind to try and catch that fucking Cadmunkey who is tearing up the tables at the minute!

I reloaded onto Full Tilt mainly so I could 4 table with ease and earn rakeback. Ultimate Bet is quick as fook but I can't play more than 2 tables effectively plus the hand histories are a pain in my nad bag and I got fed up of missing hands and the fucking tables flashing and beeping at me all the time. Anyway, I sat down at a 4 tables of NL10 6-max and proceeded to fold, fold and fold again for good measure due to shite cards and also because I wasn't overly concentrating. I then was dealt Cowboys and ended up shipping $5 when I got it all in on a 8 high flop with a shorty and of course he had a set the cunt! I must learn that decent raises from unknowns on seemingly raggy flops often mean sets. I was playing like a right spaz so sat out, logged off and had a fag.

Whilst on holiday I ran some figures for multitabling SnGs and came to the conclusion that anyone with half a brain could learn to beat them up to a decent level, say the $33's, whilst playing 6-8 tables. SnGays have always been my downfall but I did ok for a spell when 6 tabling before so thought I would give them a try again since you can play them almost automatically and the standard of play is awful. I had a great start and had an ROI of around 55% from my first 18 games but then started to run into so total fucking donk plays by villains and also got too aggressive in some situations mainly because I was tired after not really sleeping the night before. I went through a spell of not cashing in 7 straight games which brought me down to Earth with a bump but managed to finish 1st and 2nd in my last two which put me back to a positive ROI of just over 11.5%. I shouldn't have played my last set of 6 to be honest because I accidentally registered for a standard SnG where I ended up finishing 5th after being sat next to Cogsgoigne from Raise The River. I played a total of 34 for a measly profit of around $9 which took me to break even for the day!

I managed to break my Poker Tracker too and have lost all my data from my SnG's from yesterday and my ring games too which I'm a little pissed about so I'm going to start from scratch. I'm still going to aim for the $5k from my initial $59.91 deposit but I'll have to start reporting from now instead because all my figures will be wrong. I'm also doing a sub-challenge where I am wanting to hit $2k profit by no later than December 31st so that I have a short term goal to focus on too. It's my bar shift tonight so I'll only be able to hit the tables for an hour before hand and depending on my tiredness when I've done I'll either do another hour or two or just go straight to sleep as today will have been a long day after my week off! Full bankroll figures and progress chart to follow later.

Before I go I thought I'd post this rather sick but funny joke that I received when on holiday:

Jane Tomlinson's family have requested that she is buried underneath Luciano Pavarotti. This is so she can raise another Tenner!

As it says at the end of Loony Tunes, "That's all folks!"

Ol' Blue Eyes Is Back!

Hello boys and girls, a recharged and refreshed Yorkshire Pudding blogging back on home soil. The short break has done me the world of good and gave me the oppurtunity to sort my head out, realise a few things and to make a few plans to get myself back on track in general.

The holiday got off without a hitch, I went to see the potential Mrs P before I set off and we had a decent chat which put my mind at ease and the drive down was a nice steady affair with no traffic jams or anything like that. I managed to check in without any problems and had a gander around the shops. I was a bit shocked to pay £10 for an English brekkie but I was served by a stunning Polish bird so I suppose it was worth it. I nearly died when I had to pay £3.50 for a fucking pint of Carling in the airport and buy the time I'd bought some smelly I'd blown £70 before setting foot on the big iron bird!

Flight took just under 4 hours but it went very quickly, especially as I had a whole row of seats which I could sprawl out on and relax! Mum and Dad Pudding picked me up from the airport and took me straight to the villa so I could get a shower and stuff before heading out for something to eat. The first thing that struck me was the "martian" landscape of lanzarote. For those of you who don't know the country is basically the result of volcanic activity and there are black lava fields everywhere and red sand. it has to be seen to be believed, it'slike being on an alien planet! We had something quick to eat before purchasing some uber-cheap Finnish Vodka and some smokes for my trip. With all the travelling I was knackered so we sat by our pool and kissed goodbye to my vodka, all 1 litre of it! 0430 I went to bed but I don't remember much after 0130! I had a good chat with my olds and told them about my drugs I'd taken, my dreams and fears and it was good to get things off my chest.

The next day we went to a place called Timanfaya which is basically a semi-dormant volcano which last erupted in the 1750's. On the way there you get to see the destruction the eruption caused as there are 6-10 foot high lava fields as far as the eye can see. When there they pour water down a man made hole and it fires steam out like a geiser and they also cook a BBQ over a big hole they've dug which was pretty cool. The laugh of the day was when me missed out on a little gimmick where one of the tour guides digs some pebbles up and places them in the hands of the tourists and they are taht hot they have to juggle them. My mum wanted to sample this and said "I wish he'd put his hot stones in my hand" LMFAO. Bless her! My dad had a brilliant knack of getting lost but also took me to a few places to see which if you're into that sort of thing were pretty cool. I'm not usually over into sight seeing but enjoyed some of the places we went to.

I won't bore you with the places we visit but I will tell you a few things I've realised. As much as I slag England off I realised it is a beautiful place. When I took off from Manchester and saw all the farmers fields and stuff like that I realised how beautiful our country actually is. Seeing it on the way back during the night when you can see arteries of orange street lights it is truely amazing. The Spanish way of life is the way to go. They are just so laid back it is unreal. If they aren't in control of a situation then they don't stress because no matter how much they stress they can't control it so what is the point? It's a way of thought I'll be taking on from now on especially in the Mrs P department. If it happens, it happens, if not, so what, it's not overly important is it really in the grand scheme of things? I'm going to live life for me and how I want to do it and stop living it for others and under the influence and control of other people.

Sorry this entry is a bit fragmented and probably not full of the debauchery and filth you expected but you should be happy in the fact that Yorkshire Pudding is back and feels back to his best again so hopefully some quality posts should start to flow naturally again, rather than me struggling to write anything of note.

That's all for now people, time to hit the tables on my day off. As the Spaniards say, Hasta Manana!

Wheels Of Fortune Continue To Turn!

I didn't log the amount of hands I planned to last night, in fact I didn't even log onto Ultimate Bet, instead I opted to carry on trying to rape Party Poker using the free $50 they gave me last week! Things are going really well in the world of Party and I managed to rathole another $25.64 back to Neteller last night after more success playing PL Omahahahaha. I'm really getting into this game now and am feeling what hands to play. All I need to work on is my bet sizing like when to bet pot etc but that will come with time. So far I have turned the free $50 into $105.93 and I still have the $50 to play with until about September 15th I think. Good times!

Those who have followed me from my old hacked blog will know that the life God's love to turn my doomswitch on and the mother fucker has done it again. As you know I jet of to Lanzarote tomorrow, for a long weekend, at 1535. No problem there, I can get a train from Dewsbury straight to Manchester Airport at about 1030 to get me there for lunchtime, plenty of time to check in and mince about the shops. I land back at Manchester at 0030 Monday morning and the first bastard train out of there is at 0302! WTF! There is no fucking way I am hanging around a semi-closed airport for 3 hours. It gets worse though! If I wait 3 hours for the train I won't get home until 0630 because the cunt takes me to York first where I change trains. Jesus! I've looked at National Express and their first coach is about 0500 and the cunts have a habit of crashing lately so my only other choices are staying in a Travel Lodge for the night or get a Joe Baxi back home. Either way I'm probably looking at the thick end of 50 sheets when I get back. Bad beat!

I'm wanting to get some more pictures on my blog so I've dug out my camera but now can't find the charger. FFS! The camera on my phone is pretty good so I might have to use that for a few snaps I suppose. Talking of photo's does anyone know the legality of taking pictures of people without their consent? I see some right fucking sites out and about and would like to share them with you but obviously don't want the boys in blue hunting me down for being a perv! It wouldn't just be people though as I have a decent eye for a good photo and I think they brighten the place up a little!

I also seem to have become some sort of semi-shrink! Ages ago I was off my face and couldn't sleep so joined Lycos chatroom (I know stop laughing) and got chatting to some 18 year old Polish bird called Ewa (pronounce Eva obv). We exchanged MSN's and talked bollocks in slightly broken English. Anyway, last night I was playing on Party and she IM'd me and asked how England was blah blah blah and she seemed really down in the dumps saying that she didn't think anyone liked her, especially at college and she couldn't talk to her parents or friends about it because they think she's ok and would just say that she's mourngy. I got chatting to her and told her about when I was her age and how I wanted to be in the popular crowd but was too shy etc and it seemed to cheer her up. I told her if she needed to chat she could talk to me and she replied "Thank you. You is so nice person. It helps talking to you, my friend from England :)" So Pud does some good in the world for a change, it's amazing how just 10 minutes of your time can actually make someone's day and it made me feel really good about myself. Pud the councillor, who'd have thought that?!

I'm working the bar tonight and have some last minute things to do for my holiday so don't know if I will get to play at all. I'm going to try squeeze in a couple of hours though as losing 4 days is going to damage me a little although I do have Monday from work so will probably have a poker day once I've finished unpacking and showing off my tan! LOL!

Take care guys and good luck at the tables!

Bankroll = $173.27
Needed = $4826.73

Pudding Gets Stacked!

Yesterday wasn't the best day for poker and if I'm honest I should probably have left it alone because I was both physically and mentally drained which doesn't exactly aid good, solid poker playing. It wasn't all bad as I still turned a profit, albeit a small one, but profit is profit at the end of the day and I'd take winning $0.01 over breaking even or losing any time of the week.

Things actually started brightly when I decided it would be a good idea to use the unwithdrawable (is that a word?) $25 I had left on Party to play in a $22 SnG and I came 2nd for a nice little $60 which meant I could withdraw $12.62 back to the USS Neteller and leave the original $50 in my poker account. The play was awful. I mean I wasn't even concentrating and I sailed through to the money by hardly playing a hand. If that is the regular standard for the SnG's on Party I think I might have to hit a few more once I have built my roll to around the $1k mark. I eventually busted when I pushed with 33 and KQo called me and villain spiked a King on the flop. Still, that's $80.29 I've managed to earn from this free $50 and I still have 11 days which to play around with it! Could be a little goldmine this free money!

After the SnG I fired up a couple of table of NL10 on Ultimate Bet and got off to a great start when very first hand I am dealt a lovely pair of bullets. With a raise and a call in front of me I bet the pot to look like a squeeze and the initial raiser went all in for the rest of his $5 stack. I of course call and he tables AhKh and I make a nice little profit early on! I then ended getting stacked by some poor play. I raise UTG with ATo after a quiet spell and get one caller who is running at around 35/20/3 and hasn't really stepped out of line but seems to like to call raises with a wide range. I flop top and bottom pair and bet pot and am called. Now I hoped he had something like JJ or KQ here. Turn is a blank really and I bet out almost pot again, villain thinks about it and pushes all-in. This screams "I have a set" but I find myself clicking the call button and of course he's get a set of tens I am felted. Fuck! So after 203 hands and a $9.45 loss I called it a day.

I've pencilled in a big session tonight and I'm hoping to log around 6-750 hands of NL10. I've nothing to do apart from go buy some new jeans for my holiday on Thursday so I should be able to get cracking by about 1900 and log a session until around 2200. I'm averaging around 230 hands per hour playing 2 tables, it'd be great if I could 4 table here because I'd be getting over 450 hands per hour which would be brilliant. I did consider withdrawing from UB and playing on Full Tilt but the rake there is horrendous at NL10. I suppose being able to play twice as many hands and getting 27% rakeback would counter this somewhat but we'll have to see, I might withdraw from UB when I go on holiday, that way I won't have any downtime whilst money is being transferred as I won't be able to play anyway!

I also played a little 7 card stud and also PLO on Party last night and was amazed at how bad the standard of play in both was, especially in Stud. I'm no expert in either game, far from it, but I know the basics and might give both games another shot tonight for a change of pace. Omaha is crazy as fuck and I really enjoyed playing it, even if I did only break even!

Thanks for reading, I'll see you at the tables!

Bankroll = $147.63
Needed = $4852.37

Feeling Pretty Tired!

Why oh why do I think it's a good idea to get wrecked on a school night? I should just have one or two cold ones but sometimes I go a bit crazy and sink enough to kill the average horse! The pub was dead yesterday and work was dragging like mad so I had a few ciders to speed things up but then had the bright idea to hit the Jack Daniels and I wish I hadn't. I don't have a head ache or feel sick, I just feel drained and really tired!

There was some excitement in the bar though when a young lass knocked her uncle clean out with a perfect right hook! The girl is a tiny little thing but fuck me can she punch! She lost her dad a few weeks back and her uncle is a real tight bastard and has refused to pay anything towards, leaving her to foot the bill. Apparently he'd been winding her up all week and mid afternoon yesterday he went and sat next to her to talk to another customer but it was to piss his niece off really. As he stood up to leave he said to her "You're getting fuck all" and walked off. She then went a bit crazy and her friend had to restrain her but she wriggled free, went out of the fire door and came in through the main entrance and whacked him in the mush, knocking him clean off his feet. It was a proper punch! Anyway, I got told off after I decided it would be a good idea to play Eye Of The Tiger by Survivor (theme tune to Rocky) on the jukebox for a laugh. Well it entertained me anyway! LOL!

So like I said I ended up getting pissed and I text my mum a right load of bollocks and got really deep! I'm going to get a right lecture from her and my dad when I see them in Spain on Thursday because I was coming out with a right load of shite and she even suggested I should go talk to someone professional because I must be harbouring some guilt! She's probably right but last night was the beer talking but I've some explaining to do on my holidays! It's never simple in Pud's world! No more Jack Daniels for me for a while, he's a bad bad man!

I'm really looking forward to jetting off now, it can't come soon enough and I've even packed my case already! I've let things start to get on top of me again and have been self medicating with alcohol which isn't the best thing to do I know. It's going to be great to not have to get up early on a morning and jump on a packed train to sit here for 8 hours bored as fuck then having to work the bar too. I half heartedly said last night that if I found a job out there that allowed me to come home once a month then I'd really consider taking it but talking to former Mrs P, who worked in Greece for 6 months, it appears the wages are shite. If only I was winning at NL100 it'd be so easy!

Well that's it for now. I'm going to continue the $5k challenge when I get home and maybe enter a $22 MTT on Party with their free money and see if I can hit a big score. Would be very nice if I could make the FT and get a 3 or 4 figure score, only time will tell!

Take care guys and good luck at the tables.